My partner and I are in a strange place at the moment. We're both 26 and have been together for 5 years, living together for 4.5 years. He proposed to me in September 2016. Then, just after Christmas last year (3 months after the proposal), he "broke up" with me. 

The reasons for this is that I had been drinking quite heavily for the past couple of years, and he told me that when he had come home to find me passed out, it "disgusted" him. Slowly over time, after seeing me passed out or drunk off my face, his feelings for me disappeared a little more until he got to a stage that there was "nothing left". He moved out, to a friend's place across the street.

I have stopped drinking now, haven't had a drink for 17 days. I've been eating healthy, exercising every day, joined a yoga class. I've been happier, much more positive since I have stopped drinking and I have no intention of going back to the way I was before.

He moved back in on the weekend, said he had seen how I've been for the two weeks we were apart and wants to see if those feelings he had for me before will come back. However, it has been strange with him in the house. Sitting on the couch, he doesn't touch me, he only kisses me good night and good bye in the mornings. I've spoken to him about how he's doing (it's only been three days) and he says he's "okay". He says he still has things to work out in his head that he's not ready to talk about yet. He says he wishes he could flip a switch and have his feelings for me all come back to the way it was before, but of course it doesn't work like that.

I'm trying my best to be happy and positive when I'm around him, but it's very exhausting. It's hard to be in a relationship with someone who is struggling with their feelings for you. I know that I need to give him time, he says he needs time, but it is very hard for me as it is for him too.

I love this man so much and I still want to marry him some day, and it kills me that his feelings have disappeared over time due to something that I did wrong. I'm trying to repair the damage but I feel like it may be a lost cause. 

In addition to this, I just found out that we only have one month left on our lease. We had calculated wrong and thought we still had three months. I only found this out today and called him about it - he said, "We'll talk about it tonight". I'm so scared that he will decide to not renew the lease, and all this hard work we've put in will be for nothing and we'll end up going our seperate ways before we are really able to give our relationship another shot.