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First, sorry this is so long, realized it after I wrote it but I would really appreciate it if you would stick it out and read everything and answer the questions I have below to the best of your ability/knowledge.
I have had the feeling for some time that Divorce is going to happen (sooner or later). Wife constantly complains she is unhappy, and I am too because she treats me bad (very negative, makes side comments, constantly brings up past things, etc) which none of it helps my depression/etc.
The main thing/reason it has not happened already is we have 2 kids 3 and 5 years old.
I see them every day and they are the one bright/happy thing in my life right now and I fear/am worried I will not see them every day. I would try to get full custody with wife getting visitation (since I am the one that is the main care giver/the one that plays with them, feeds them, etc WAY more the the wife, and she expects them to act like 10 and 12 year olds instead of the 3 and 5 they are. If we even got joint custody I would miss them too much because every day they learn something new, have something new to say/etc. If they were older it would not be as hard because they would not be changing as much as they are now every day (I would still miss them greatly when I am not seeing them every day it would just be easier).
Now that rambling is done a few questions for people (with and without kids) on what/how you went through/dealt with divorce:
1. How did you bring it up?
2. It seems from my point of view since we are both so unhappy it would almost even be mutual). How was it like for you?
3. Possions/divinding up our stuff shouldnt be a big deal as long as it is done rationally.
4. Who gets the house you are living in now? I want to keep it, but even if wife got it there is no way she could afford it, it would be like 2.5 weeks pay for her to even cover the mortgage, plus I pay ALL other bills related to the house.
5. Once it was decided did someone move out right away, or was there time before they moved out so they could find someplace to live? (again probably depends on how bad the divorce is (if figing all the time/etc).
6. For the kids, how did you handle it, not just custody wise and giving each other the kids for their time with them, but mentally on you when you didnt have them with you (especially for the younger kids).
7. I know divorces without kids can be done with simple forms (as long as you dont fight over money/possions) but with kids do you have to go to court or family services court to go over that to see who gets what custody?
8. As for custody I know courts tend to lead in favor of the mother (again something I am afraid of) The very LEAST I would want no less then JOINT custody), but are there any fathers our there that wanted JOINT custody and got it? How hard was it to get it? Or were some fathers even able to get FULL custody with visitation rights to the mother (without proving drug abuse or physical abuse) she does some verbal abuse by yelling and not treating them like kids (expecting them to act like 10 and 12 year olds) but that is not something I can easily (if at all) prove in court.
So any help on the above questions I would really appreciate your input on.
I have had the feeling for some time that Divorce is going to happen (sooner or later). Wife constantly complains she is unhappy, and I am too because she treats me bad (very negative, makes side comments, constantly brings up past things, etc) which none of it helps my depression/etc.
The main thing/reason it has not happened already is we have 2 kids 3 and 5 years old.
I see them every day and they are the one bright/happy thing in my life right now and I fear/am worried I will not see them every day. I would try to get full custody with wife getting visitation (since I am the one that is the main care giver/the one that plays with them, feeds them, etc WAY more the the wife, and she expects them to act like 10 and 12 year olds instead of the 3 and 5 they are. If we even got joint custody I would miss them too much because every day they learn something new, have something new to say/etc. If they were older it would not be as hard because they would not be changing as much as they are now every day (I would still miss them greatly when I am not seeing them every day it would just be easier).
Now that rambling is done a few questions for people (with and without kids) on what/how you went through/dealt with divorce:
1. How did you bring it up?
2. It seems from my point of view since we are both so unhappy it would almost even be mutual). How was it like for you?
3. Possions/divinding up our stuff shouldnt be a big deal as long as it is done rationally.
4. Who gets the house you are living in now? I want to keep it, but even if wife got it there is no way she could afford it, it would be like 2.5 weeks pay for her to even cover the mortgage, plus I pay ALL other bills related to the house.
5. Once it was decided did someone move out right away, or was there time before they moved out so they could find someplace to live? (again probably depends on how bad the divorce is (if figing all the time/etc).
6. For the kids, how did you handle it, not just custody wise and giving each other the kids for their time with them, but mentally on you when you didnt have them with you (especially for the younger kids).
7. I know divorces without kids can be done with simple forms (as long as you dont fight over money/possions) but with kids do you have to go to court or family services court to go over that to see who gets what custody?
8. As for custody I know courts tend to lead in favor of the mother (again something I am afraid of) The very LEAST I would want no less then JOINT custody), but are there any fathers our there that wanted JOINT custody and got it? How hard was it to get it? Or were some fathers even able to get FULL custody with visitation rights to the mother (without proving drug abuse or physical abuse) she does some verbal abuse by yelling and not treating them like kids (expecting them to act like 10 and 12 year olds) but that is not something I can easily (if at all) prove in court.
So any help on the above questions I would really appreciate your input on.
Yes, women get custody in most states automatically. Some don't.
I would contact a lawyer right away, and prepare well in advance before telling her or discussing it with her.
If you can, get HER to leave the house, leaving you and the children there. The courts will be much more likely to continue custody in the current situation when it actually got to court. I advise to NOT leave the house, and do not let her remove the children from the house.
If you can afford it, a good step might be to set her up in an apartment on your dime (At first) then file in that situation. As soon as she is out of the house, the lawyer can file a restraining order (a standard part of most divorces actually) that would keep her from moving back in and could give you the best chance of keeping the kids. I might call it a separation, when discussing it with her.
If you can get video of her mistreating the kids, DO IT! The courts are heavily biased towards women, you need all the help you can get. They will believe her without any proof while expecting you to prove everything. Prepare for that.
I am so sorry for what you are going through. There will be a day when you look back on all this as a distant memory.
I wish you the best of luck!
We made out a lot but never made love. I think she was as scared of pregnancy as I was. Catch 22; wanna forge that union, better be prepared for kiddies (which pretty much means marriage).