I'm sorry to hear this.

You should continue to improve yourself, but not for the sake of the marriage but for YOU. When the other partner wants to step away, the most perfect spouse will not be enough to stop that partner, once the mindset is established.

A frank talk about the future of the relationship is necessary and counseling may be necessary. If he is willing the occasionally work on the relationship, perhaps a more focused effort with the help of a therapist may help him determine why he is in a quandary.

But it is most important that you not blame yourself, that you take care of yourself and that you love yourself.

I would tell him that you need to talk about what's going on in your marriage..

. I wouldn't pussyfoot around or turn a blind eye

I think what he's doing is disrespectful and dishonest... This is on him not you....

It seems he's having a problem with commitment and I would discuss it.... This is coming from within him

Gentle hug... I hope that you can work it out.... xo

Hello Shelcey. Welcome to DS.

I love the fact that you are taking the focus off how to manipulate your spouse and putting it on the self-improvement that will help you feel more secure, regardless of whatever yaddah blahs hubby might or might not be going through this week. After 39 anniversaries, I still go through periods where I don't trust the man I married and working on my own issues has gotten me through allot more bad spells than working on *his* issues. His issues are his to sort. Keeping my own self-esteem healthy is mine to sort.

Looking toward that all-important work of keeping my own self-esteem healthy, DS is a big site with lots of great support available. I hope you'll take the time to surf around and see what other available support might fit your own needs. Good emotional support from diverse sources is part of my own regular self-esteem diet. It really does take a village to live a healthy life.

Welcome aboard.

I would not be OK with any of these behaviors from a husband, either.

A wife deserves better than mixed signals from her own spouse who took vows.

Improve yourself all you want, but while you're at it, discreetly consult with an attorney about the divorce laws in your state. From my own and friends' experiences with these types of men, they will make a lot of promises and continue to have their cake and eat it too, while you remain in limbo, hoping he will change. As long as he has you where he wants you, he won't. Best of luck.

Agree, if you want to improve yourself, improve yourself FOR YOU.

What he’s doing is pathetic. I’m sorry this is happening to you. Look out for yourself, despite him.

Thanx everyone. I guess the best thing for me to do right now is to take one day at a time. At this very moment, he is at work and appears to be in loving mood. But as you all well know, that could change at any moment. It's almost 7:00 PM here, so I have about 4-5 more hours until he gets home. I think I'll go take a bath and do some homework. I pray that this is all just a phase he is going through.

Still, you need to have a direct conversation with him about appropriate behavior whether he's acting like a decent husband or not now. How would he like it if you just started talking to random men about what you're looking for, sneaking phone calls, etc. I mean, he'd probably pitch a royal fit.

Relationships go through ups and downs, but you discuss it or ride it out or decide it's over. What you don't do is play games and seek comfort outside the marriage from other people.

People block their partners from their social media, ie facebook, when they have something to hide.

Shelcey, I am sorry for the trouble you find yourself in; sounds like you both need a good douse of marital counseling. As far as working on your self, do not stop - your self esteem should not be based on what he or anyone else thinks of you but on how YOU think of YOU. And I can tell you that God calls you chosen, princess, and friend.

Sometimes people who are cheating actually get nicer to their partners, because the cheater thinks the partner won't find out if they don't suspect anything. So nicer is a smokescreen, a mirage, a way to get what he wants without you knowing you are being played. You have found out some things and now you know what his real self is like, what his truth actually is. The problem lies within him. It is not your fault even if he tells you it is your fault. A person can want a divorce and not cheat. A person can cheat and be a scumbag and blame their spouse for all the problems. My ex would look me in the eyes and lie about where he was going and never come home at night and then lie about why he didn't come home at night. Of course, he also made it my fault for not doing this or that, being good enough, whatever. He told me he was helping someone find their lost cell phone between 2 am when the bars closed and when he eventually came home at 7 am to get ready to go to work. And it was my fault, of course, for asking him where he had been and for expecting him not to help a friend in need. Don't allow anyone to make you the bad guy if you are doing all the right things.