Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
When I'm alone for more than 3 days, I crave the company of others; then, when I'm with others, I get irritated and need to be alone. Enjoy serving others and doling out love (in business and in family), but sometimes it gets to be a bit too much and I miss a time when I could simply relax with people who didn't want anything from me and I didn't want anything from them, and we could simply enjoy each other's company.
I MISS MY BROTHER, dammit (who died of colon cancer in January '07), because we enjoyed exactly that kind of warm, relaxing, totally unconditional love...but he's not coming back...next closest relatives are my parents...think I'll call 'em tomorrow...
Forgive me for ranting...
I MISS MY BROTHER, dammit (who died of colon cancer in January '07), because we enjoyed exactly that kind of warm, relaxing, totally unconditional love...but he's not coming back...next closest relatives are my parents...think I'll call 'em tomorrow...
Forgive me for ranting...
cancer is a monster...dont get me started on this one...my next cancer surgery is on Monday...feb 2nd...I am SO sorry about your brother....
I get like that...be around people...then wanting to go and be alone....
but I have a soon to be 15 yr old son still living at home...so I am never really alone unless he goes and stays with his dad for the wknd...
my 24 yr old dtr has been living on her own for yrs....
when I feel myself get lonely...I get busy doing something...
hang in there Mr Kool !
My bro simply had a colon that didn't move shit fast enough, coupled with very little sleep, a stressful job, tirelessly devoting his meager free time to fixing other people's cars and doing favors for them, seeking love in the form of sex, and...well, you get the picture...I'm sure the constipation thing would've got him eventually, but his lifestyle sure accelerated things...no regrets...he did a lot of living in his 40 years...it sure was miserable him going that way and me watching it happen and feeling absolutely helpless to do anything about it except pray for his suffering to end, either through recuperation or God taking him...God took him...
All I can do now is love myself better and make better choices lol.
So sorry about the loss of your brother. It sounds like you had a very close relationship with him.
Just my take, as we get older we are more comfortable with being alone and when someone gets in our space for too long it becomes draining and a chore.
Finding the right person who you can click with in a relaxed manner is hard to find but not impossible.
The people I love spending time with are my sisters. We understand each other and the love is totally unconditional as you describe you had with your brother.
When me and my sisters get together we can stay up until 2 or 3 am in the morning and just laugh about things that no one would find funny. We usually just talk about family and the funny things that happen in our chidhood or the relationships we have with our children and grandchildren.
Ive never been much for events. specially parties or celebrations. everyone else always complained when we did the stuff I liked though. Just setting around the house...
You have been through alot with the passing of your brother. Your feelings are quite normal.
((((((hugsss)))))))
I often find myself taking the "caretaker" role in some relationships, offering more advice and emotional support than the other person. Then the other person sort of gets used to this fact and never feels confident enough to offer support back as I then appear to "have it all together."
I heard a word and love it!
Synergist!
I now am aiming to seek out more synergist relationships. Where me and the other person are supporting each other's personal growth in positive ways.
I hope that I can find people to be around that when we leave each others company, we both feel added to from the interaction.
It is not easy finding this or creating this in already existing relationships. Like I said...I am working on it. But when I do find it...and I have...it is so invigorating to be with these people.
Sad to say, am having a hard time developing such a relationship with anyone, except, like you said, Lynn, in my own family, and, even then, it feels like my mother is putting "down-payments" on my future caregiver association with her by buying me clothes etc.-! I keep saying "Mom, this isn't necessary" and she keeps saying, "well, just remember this when you have to change my poopy diapers someday"--! My dad and I are very relaxed together, but I don't want to cling onto him all the time...God knows he doled out enough money and energy already raising me...my sister Lori is about the same kind of bond I used to enjoy with my brother, a "syngergistic", mutually supportive one! She lives out of the country with her husband, so I rarely get to see her, but we e-mail to stay in touch. My sister Susie and I are starting to get along great since my brother Mark died...she is in the early stages of MS and I understand the difficulties, so am trying to help in any way that I can...she too lives out of town.
Romantically, either I'm a dud in that department, believe sex is the ultimate goal of romance, have yet to have anyone reciprocate such affections (because she too thinks I'm interested in sex as the ultimate goal, which maybe I am), or simply don't see the point in that concept, except kindness, which is always good, but romantic love is a concept that sometimes escapes my understanding lol...
It is not at all a matter of playing games; it is more of a deep feeling I get, which is familiar. I want to start to transcend those old patterns in relationships, though, so that I can actually have a healthier relationship.