Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

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Nanny9 02/07/2013

Here's the situation
He wants me to stay home all the time, if not get accused of running bars, running around, etc. But he is suppose to be able to go out to local hangouts all the time by himself and that's suppose to be ok... Sounds like bull to me, what does everyone else think and how would you handle this type of a supposed committed relationship?

ultraviolet818 02/07/2013

Commitment does not equal control or vice versa.

Sounds like he wants to keep tabs on you, while he's out doing who knows what.

Follow your instints.

Good luck :)

Aronia 02/08/2013

Controlling behavior. It is bullshit.

Dave17 02/08/2013

this is a very dangerous red flag to ignore. It falls under abusive controlling behavior that if you do not defend your boundaries from, will likely get much worse.

I would personally do whatever it took to end that behavior, which would likely be ending the relationship with him.

deleted_user 02/08/2013

Not sure how long you have been together but this sort of thing usually gets worse and not better. He is being controlling and it sounds like he has major trust issues. Where will it end? No bars or going out, is the grocery store next? There are lots of men in grocery stores these days! He is already accusing you of doing things, sorry but you clearly are not in a healthy relationship. After being in a abusive one for 10 years I know that this is how it starts out and I know where it can go from here.

new2free 02/08/2013

Not acceptable behaviour in my book. What is good for the goose, is good for the gander. So if he wants the freedom to do as he pleases, so should you have the same right. I would not stand for this controlling behaviour.

onetoomany 02/08/2013

I would drop him like a hot potato!!

deleted_user 02/08/2013

RUN as fast as you can!!!! I was in this sort of relationship.. I was not allowed to go to bars, skiing, and even great adventure with my girlfriend. I wasnt allowed to wear jeans that were tight or any type of clothes that were not like 10 sizes to big.. He did what he wanted.. He hung out with friends went to the pool halls to shoot pool but i couldnt do anything. In his eyes every guy wanted me and i was not trustworthy( although i never did anything for him to feel that way) The relationship only got more controlling and turned verbally and then physically abusive. I wish i had seen these things as red flags..Instead i found myself making excuses and feeling sorry for him.. Please dont igonre these things.. i wish you all the best

deleted_user 02/08/2013

It's really very simple. Do what you want to do.

I'm curious. What do you love about him?

koolman 02/09/2013

I would say: "All's fair in love (and war)! If you get to go out, I get to go out!"...and then go ahead and do so.

rosykitten 02/09/2013

You could tell him where you are going and how long you would be gone, that way he would know. If he is not ok with that, then it's time to kick him to the curb. Love is based on trust and that tells a lot about him

KaeIyn 02/09/2013

Never do something that the person asking you wouldn't require of themselves.

Go out!

Nanny9 02/11/2013

Thank you all for the great advice, I kicked him to the curb!

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