Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
I haven't been on in a while. I had to stay in a different town while I got my Class A lic. Right before I left, my ex contacted me. We haddnt talked in almost 2 years. It was actually nice to hear from him again, but he wanted to get back together. I had way too much on my plate to get involved but he promised me the moon. Then a few weeks later he tells me about a girl he has been dating, casually for a couple of months. I said I was out, I wasn't part of the harrum. So He picked up the phone and let her know we were back together so they couldn't see each other anymore. I thought it was cold, but he said that she knew what casual dating was about and treated me like I was making a big deal out of it for nothing. Later I asked him at the bar to introduce us, because according to him she was fine with it and said she would be glad to meet me. When he asked her to meet me, she got up and pushed passed him. She was really hurt, and I was really pissed. Later I made him fess to what was really going on. He still lied, but said it was for a year, I think it was more. The problem is that they went to this bar together, and I am uncomfortable being there with her. I told him we need to go somewhere else. She did nothing, he hurt her and me both with this and now he expects us to hang out in the same place on Fridays. Thats a special kinda selfish right there. He looks hurt and is always looking over at her, he can't figure out why she is mad....We were apart for almost 2 years. Things were so peaceful. I hate my life now.
Well I hope it works out for you and that this is what you want, not just something that's familiar.
off to a good start.
This reads as though you've....resigned to accept this fate....what would you tell me to do? Take yourself out of the equation.
I feel so badly for you and for her as well.
In about 10 years his lower brain will not be working anymore and will likely shrink into a pacifier. Time to think about the golden years and who will be by his side to spoon feed him apple sauce.
Forgive yourself. You let go of the past, this is why you fell for him again. If you could forgive him, you must be gentle on yourself as well. Having a kind, lighthearted soul is a good thing, not a disadvantage or a curse.
Is it possible she was the dumper, and he pulled a similar thing on her as he did you (promised her the moon), then dumped her once he lined you up? I dunno?
I don't like the idea, that he was still seeing her (or whatever), then got in touch with you/ to make up, the overlap of relationships. Then add on top of it, he insists on going to the same bar they used to go to. Seems shady to me...I hope I'm wrong.
Regardless of what is going on, don't beat yourself up over it, I'd possibly be tempted too get back together too (given your long history), until... I found out about the other gf and bar thing. At that point I'd be out. But sometimes it takes a bit to see the situation for what it is. I get, you didn't know about the other girl, until afterwards. Which makes a huge difference. Ugh...
this was both my ex-h (whom I was with for 16 years, 3 kids, divorce 4 years), and my last bf (together 2 years, broken up 1 years).
Blegh, this stuff is sooo darn old...kinda makes me want to vomit...
in fact, kinda funny (or sad, not sure which), but my ex-h, got re-married a year after our divorce, then divorced that wife (wife #1, me wife #1) a year later, which was two years ago. And pretty sure they have been having sex/ dating since their divorce...About 9 months ago, I received a text from my ex-h, which I knew was meant for her, asking for oral sex. I replied, no thanks! He got all embarrassed. Said it was for someone else.
A couple months later, he sends me an email, with a mushy love song, saying our divorce was a mistake, we never should have broken up. I thought for sure it was for her, I replied back, "I think you meant that for someone else". He replied, no it was meant for me, which of course left me confused (and I posted about it here). I replied back, it's never too late, but it would take a lot of work. No response...
A while later, the kids tell me, wife # 2 spent the weekend at their house (no I did not ask, our 7 year old, uh tends to talk about everything/ blurt stuff out). Same 7 year told me wife #2 spent the weekend at their house last weekend... So yeah...
What a douche huh?
Keep it moving girl!