Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
Hello! A week ago my boyfriend and I decided to officially start dating, and we have hung out at my house 3 times since then. I am a senior in high school and he is a junior, and neither of us has much relationship experience. I am currently living in recovery from social anxiety disorder, and I have been very honest with him about the anxiety I have about relationships. I am usually very aware of my emotions and have learned to identify them pretty effectively. However, since we started dating, I have found a pattern in my emotions that I don't understand, and it's making me feel awful, so let me explain:
Yesterday he came over to my house, and we cuddled a lot and even kissed and made out for the first time, and it was really enjoyable for both of us. It was an amazing day, and my anxiety was much lower around him than usual. When I dropped him off back at his house and came home, I still had an amazing feeling about the whole thing. However, when I woke up this morning, I felt happy at first, but as I remembered everything that happened, I suddenly felt sick. I have replayed everything that we did yesterday in my head, and it makes me feel so nervous and embarrassed, even though I didn't feel that way in the moment, or moments immediately afterward. He texted me this morning asking when we could hang out next, but I can't help but feel scared about when I see him again, and I almost feel like avoiding him. The last time he came over the same thing happened the day after, and I don't know why. I have this feeling of doom when, if I'm not mistaken, I should have a feeling of bliss. Is this normal or something I should worry about? Any advice on how to fix it? Thank you.
-
Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
-
Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
What do you think it the cause of your anxiety?... Big hug....xo
You don't mention alcohol or weed use but sometimes these lower our guard and we do things we later aren't happy about.
What mindfulness (meditations) can teach you is to allow feelings to come and go -- and trying to notice them and watch them but not to worry about them. A feeling will only last 90 seconds IF you are able to simply watch it (what does it do inside your body? what thoughts does it trigger... if you watch the thoughts but don't *believe them, you are closer to being able to let the feelings come and go without feeding them more stories/fears.
For me even at age 55 with LOTS of sexual experience, a lot of my afterwards discomfort is worrying that I am not good at sex... or anxiety about how my partner enjoyed our intimacy. If you can talk openly with your partner about this -- not only what he /she likes sexually but also about your own fears of disappointing... what you will find out is that your partner feels EXACTLY the same things... wanting to make sure you are enjoying what he/she is doing to you and wanting to know what you like.
This is embarrassing stuff and hard -- but it is the KEY to the best intimacy life has to offer. You can begin with the EASIEST: tell him/her what they did that you really liked. My last partner was totally unable to tell me what he didn't like... so we agreed that if he wanted more of something he would say "mmmmmmmm", if he was silent he was indifferent -- not good or bad, and if he didn't like something he would physically pull away from it. For those too shy to talk about it, this can work. It can also be easier to text/write about these really hard things... face to face can be hard for anyone especially if we have social anxieties (which we all do have to some degree...)
for mindfulness you could start with podcasts from Tara Brach... on the web free and really will address your anxieties.
Best of luck, you are totally normal just so you know!!