Healthy Relationships Support Group

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I am to shy

meme88
meme88
Okay frist off my realtionship with my boyfriend isnt new or anything 3 years not imcreably long but hey im 20!
I am very shy/submissive when it comes to sex I am deathly afrid to make any move toward sex.
and understandle it dosent make my boyfriend feel to good about himself if i never make any kind of move toward him..its not i dont find him attive or dont want sex..I really dont even know what im scared or shy about!
I know its sumthing i need to get over its starting to cause a iusse I feel so bad. I guess i am kinda answering my onw question and im already working on changeing it but I guess just contuine to just get over it! I prefectly fine after that frist move..
so i guess what you all think agree?
its really borthering me that i would make him feel so bad i would never want to hurt him in anyway
thanks you all
me-me
LavenderBreeze
LavenderBreeze
I can completely relate with you. My husband I have been together for 9 years. Im 27. and I hardly EVER make the first move. I have to say I do more now than I did in the beginning. But sex makes me uncomfortable for some reason.. well not the sex itself the INNITIATING sex is what makes me uncomfortable and I also am very submissive. I like him to be in control. I too wish I could be more...comfortable and aggressive. Let me know if you find what works :) Im with ya girl
Aronia
Aronia
Our attitudes towards sex and affection are formed by may different factors, including our upbringing.
I think you could really benefit from some help of a sex therapist or even a regular therapist. I\'m sure there are many things to be explored in that area.
Your relationship is actually quite long for someone your age, so sounds like you really have something special together.

good luck and I hope everything works out for you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
im curious to know about your childhood and how your family taught you to veiw sex....id start there and explain to him anything you figure out. this could be the sole reason you are uncomfy with sex...its normal...dont worry. but i do think its great you want to work on it. however, work on it bec you want to feel better about yourself, not because of him...or (if theres another relationship) you coiuld be in the same boat again.
deleted_user
deleted_user
ok so I haven\'t even gone on a first date with this guy and I can already see myself in this situation lol...
koolman
koolman
Aww, even after 3 years? I\'d think you\'d trust him not to make any sudden moves by now (unless that\'s what you want)...

Your life is young and you simply haven\'t been alive on this Earth long enough to discover the depths of your own soul. 20s are an explorative time, when people "find themselves". You\'ve made the right decision and shown a lot of courage by coming here and opening up...to us.

I guess try to relax more deeply and trust that good will prevail...your boyfriend is not going to hurt you...then allow yourself to plunge into the depths of Devilish sexual hell and explore deeper, darker places within your own body and soul.
meme88
meme88
frist..i never even thought about my childhood shit. I was my upbring? i dont get.. sex well was sex lol i knew what it was never really learnt.my famliy was very open never you cant have sex or u must wait.
I was never like this at the start with my bf i was very agrssive(very nervious then too)
now im confable that not the iusse at all..well i guess in away its being confable with being sexual agressive..when i do make the frist move i feel proud of myslef and suprise how much it really ment to my bf..that alone makes it alot esayer to get over my in all little fear..vaebutterfly I will let you know ..im now a girl on a mission(that cant spell lol) thanks you all for putting up with that and your oppions
meme88
meme88
oh ya one more lol my bf knows all about how i was rised towards sex and my sexual passed. how could i be with him and not tell him
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have never been where you are, as a male, we are \'supposed\' to be the ones to make the first move and so I do.

Maybe you and he can develop a code. Just agree that if you blow lightly into his ear, you would like to have sex. If you gently bite his lips when kissing, you would like to have sex. If you put your tongue in his mouth first while kissing, that means you would like sex.

Those would seem to be subtile first moves that you might feel comfortable doing.
meme88
meme88
I mean..I dont mind makeing the frist move its just never reacking at frist. after i get over it im quite happy with myself for doing so lol .Him always makeing the frist move is very typical and I dont like that.
lol wow dose that make any since?!