Healthy Relationships Support Group
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alrighty, i shall cut and past my newest journal entry, because i would like to see if i did anything wrong, maybe shine some light on if there was anything else going down, or just any advice to help remove my confusion.
alright... i do think i have to enter the relationships board... because sometimes i am just REALLY confused by my girl.
Ok, so... some of her friends invited my girlfriend and i to an end of the summer bash... and we were both looking forward to it (i muist admit that i was a little apprehensive, because i figured i was going to get grilled at one point or another throughout the night) But yeah... anyway...
So, I get to her place at about 5:30, we go get some gas and some dinner... and by the time we get to the hostess's place, it is 7:30, and we(my g/f, the hostess, her b/f, and myself) sit down, converse, get ot know eachother, share some laughs, general good time... and oh yes, Mythbusters was on... good stuff.
Now, the party starts going about 8:30, meetin people, some dancin, good time.
Alrighty, at about 10... something, weird starts happening. First off, i had started being slightly uncomfortablebecause i knew no one except my g/f, and there was a good amount of alcohol flowing, so my defenses were up pretty well, but i was dealing well... and then my girlfriend... she, umm... something weird.... so, a good dancing song came on, and i asked her to come and learn a step with me real quick so that we could actually dance in a formal style... and well, after 10 seconds she breaks away, and tells me, " that wouldn't win any dance contests." With which my reply was that it was just a basic step, and her reply to that was, "whatever." and as one can imagine, that hurt... but also, that was when i realized that something else was going on. I didn't know what, but something else.
fast-forward 30 minutes All conversation had stopped, we were outside, lying on the grass, she sais that she was going to step behing the bldg for some lrivacy, i informed her that i was going to go sit in the car while she was doin that then(not to guilt-trip her, but because she was the only person i knew at the party, there was alcohol there, and i am an alcoholic, so i did not want ot be around alcohol without anyone that i didn't know around) and explained why, and she said ok. So, i sat in the car playing on my phone for about 15 minutes, she then gets in the car with me, we sit ther for about 10 minutes, dead silence.
And then, we do start talking, and it is something along the lines of how i should have met her friends in a dif. atmosphere than this, and how all this was a mistake, and more along those lines.
After talking for a few minutes, we get out of the car, and go sit under a tree(still a bit away from the party), and continue talking, with her agitated, and me confused as to where all this came from, and finally she says that it has to do with an insecurity of hers... and i ask if she didn't want me to be a part of "this part of her life" her reply was, "i don't know" i said ok, then i asked if she would be having fun if i wan't there, she said yes. But, she said, that she didn't want me to go. Well, i said that gives us a bit of a quandary doesn't it? She then ssys that she wants to go back to the party, and i ask her frankly at that point if she doesn't want me "around" at the party... she doesn't want to say yes, but she doesn't say anything and i can see the answer in her eyes(agonizing her). I told her it was ok, gave her a big hug, and gently pushed her toward the party... she asked me to take a walk for a little while. I said ok. so, i set out walking around the apartment complex(staying where it was well lit of course), and i was ready to keep walking around for hours if necessary... because i figured i was the source of her anguish, so i would remove myself from the situation. Also, i was afraid that she had gone back inside and had gotten completely shit-faced... which, she did not(because unlike myself, she is not an alcoholic). Well, after about 2 walks around the complex, she gives me a call, and asks where i am at, i informed her i was comin round the bend, and she said that she would meet me outside.
So, she meets me out there, comes up and gives me a big hug, says she is sorry, and we go back to the party... with me still confused as hell, but glad that whatever happened that we were back in good graces. So, a bit later she told me that she talked to her friend(the hostess), and that her friend had talked some sense into her, in the way that... well, let me see if i can explain this correctly...
Alright, so she explained ot me that sincee things are going well(very well) in our relationship, she doesn't know how to handle it, and well... was looking for a reason to have a problem... so she was making something out of nothing. Well, i can certainly understand the not knowing how to act when things are going well (this is something new for me as well), but the rest has me confused.... but hey, i am usually in a state of confusion.
Ok, so the rest of hte night went well, got to laugh at drunk people, cuddle with my g/f, and had some really good discussions with people... ok, so now, the next day.
Not much, but i decided to broach the subject of what happened the night before, and when i told her about what she said originally about the dancing, she said, "wow, that was pretty mean wasn't it?"(rhetorical), i said yeah, and she said that she needs to work on that. (she has a problem that when she gets angry at something, that she immediately lashes out verbally at whoever the next person is to talk to her... which she usually realizes right afterward) And we have had that talk, because it hurts me whenever she does this, and it does appear that she is working on it... but sometimes are better tahn others... but yeah, the rest of the day went very well, dinner, movie(stardust rocks!)), nature walk/adventure, and cribbage!
But yeah... i am confused by all that went down saturday.
alright... i do think i have to enter the relationships board... because sometimes i am just REALLY confused by my girl.
Ok, so... some of her friends invited my girlfriend and i to an end of the summer bash... and we were both looking forward to it (i muist admit that i was a little apprehensive, because i figured i was going to get grilled at one point or another throughout the night) But yeah... anyway...
So, I get to her place at about 5:30, we go get some gas and some dinner... and by the time we get to the hostess's place, it is 7:30, and we(my g/f, the hostess, her b/f, and myself) sit down, converse, get ot know eachother, share some laughs, general good time... and oh yes, Mythbusters was on... good stuff.
Now, the party starts going about 8:30, meetin people, some dancin, good time.
Alrighty, at about 10... something, weird starts happening. First off, i had started being slightly uncomfortablebecause i knew no one except my g/f, and there was a good amount of alcohol flowing, so my defenses were up pretty well, but i was dealing well... and then my girlfriend... she, umm... something weird.... so, a good dancing song came on, and i asked her to come and learn a step with me real quick so that we could actually dance in a formal style... and well, after 10 seconds she breaks away, and tells me, " that wouldn't win any dance contests." With which my reply was that it was just a basic step, and her reply to that was, "whatever." and as one can imagine, that hurt... but also, that was when i realized that something else was going on. I didn't know what, but something else.
fast-forward 30 minutes All conversation had stopped, we were outside, lying on the grass, she sais that she was going to step behing the bldg for some lrivacy, i informed her that i was going to go sit in the car while she was doin that then(not to guilt-trip her, but because she was the only person i knew at the party, there was alcohol there, and i am an alcoholic, so i did not want ot be around alcohol without anyone that i didn't know around) and explained why, and she said ok. So, i sat in the car playing on my phone for about 15 minutes, she then gets in the car with me, we sit ther for about 10 minutes, dead silence.
And then, we do start talking, and it is something along the lines of how i should have met her friends in a dif. atmosphere than this, and how all this was a mistake, and more along those lines.
After talking for a few minutes, we get out of the car, and go sit under a tree(still a bit away from the party), and continue talking, with her agitated, and me confused as to where all this came from, and finally she says that it has to do with an insecurity of hers... and i ask if she didn't want me to be a part of "this part of her life" her reply was, "i don't know" i said ok, then i asked if she would be having fun if i wan't there, she said yes. But, she said, that she didn't want me to go. Well, i said that gives us a bit of a quandary doesn't it? She then ssys that she wants to go back to the party, and i ask her frankly at that point if she doesn't want me "around" at the party... she doesn't want to say yes, but she doesn't say anything and i can see the answer in her eyes(agonizing her). I told her it was ok, gave her a big hug, and gently pushed her toward the party... she asked me to take a walk for a little while. I said ok. so, i set out walking around the apartment complex(staying where it was well lit of course), and i was ready to keep walking around for hours if necessary... because i figured i was the source of her anguish, so i would remove myself from the situation. Also, i was afraid that she had gone back inside and had gotten completely shit-faced... which, she did not(because unlike myself, she is not an alcoholic). Well, after about 2 walks around the complex, she gives me a call, and asks where i am at, i informed her i was comin round the bend, and she said that she would meet me outside.
So, she meets me out there, comes up and gives me a big hug, says she is sorry, and we go back to the party... with me still confused as hell, but glad that whatever happened that we were back in good graces. So, a bit later she told me that she talked to her friend(the hostess), and that her friend had talked some sense into her, in the way that... well, let me see if i can explain this correctly...
Alright, so she explained ot me that sincee things are going well(very well) in our relationship, she doesn't know how to handle it, and well... was looking for a reason to have a problem... so she was making something out of nothing. Well, i can certainly understand the not knowing how to act when things are going well (this is something new for me as well), but the rest has me confused.... but hey, i am usually in a state of confusion.
Ok, so the rest of hte night went well, got to laugh at drunk people, cuddle with my g/f, and had some really good discussions with people... ok, so now, the next day.
Not much, but i decided to broach the subject of what happened the night before, and when i told her about what she said originally about the dancing, she said, "wow, that was pretty mean wasn't it?"(rhetorical), i said yeah, and she said that she needs to work on that. (she has a problem that when she gets angry at something, that she immediately lashes out verbally at whoever the next person is to talk to her... which she usually realizes right afterward) And we have had that talk, because it hurts me whenever she does this, and it does appear that she is working on it... but sometimes are better tahn others... but yeah, the rest of the day went very well, dinner, movie(stardust rocks!)), nature walk/adventure, and cribbage!
But yeah... i am confused by all that went down saturday.
My 2 cents, wrong or right: Your gf sounds like she felt overly pressured for you to be impressive to her friends. So maybe you did a little dance step that looked awkward, and she was afraid her friends would think you were a dork or something. And she was perhaps simultaneously wondering if you were uncomfortable because of the drinking, and it all led to her not having a good time. That I think is a fairly natural reaction. But I think she handled it badly and should have left with you if she was not comfortable.
I understand your confusion, but so long as the two of you can air out the issues, I wouldn't make too too much of it unless it happens again.
You sound like you were quite the gentleman - hats off to you!
hugs,
Karyn
Now, don't get me wrong in that most times i am not around alcohol, but no longer am i obsessed with it either. I have a healthy respect in the knowledge that when alcohol touches my lips is when i f*ck up
As for dating someone that drinks socially... There is nothing wrong with the fact that a person does drink. It is when an alcoholic drinks that a problem arises.