Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
I’ve been married for 16 years and together for 20. We have had our up’s and downs over the last 5 years. When we are up, he shows me affection, sex life is good and he makes effort in our marriage. When we are down, he seems distracted, doesn’t kiss me, take me out, or initiate sex, and barely communicates. I plan 98% of our dates, and initiate sex 100% of the time. I can pull out all of the stops to try to look cute to get his attention and nothing works. The last two times we have gone out with a group of friends he flirted with other women like I wasn’t even there. I just don’t know what to think anymore. We don’t argue. We just exist. I’ve been open and honest about my needs and feelings numerous times over the last several years. He always just says he will try harder and then we end up right back here after about 6 months. Ugh
If you don't have kids to worry about, I'd pack and bag and let him know you're going to crash with a friend for a few weeks. Let him know that you aren't really interested in a divorce or anything like that, but you think he's taking you for granted and not interested in you anymore. Let him know you feel that both of you need to reassess your commitment to the relationship, but you aren't going anywhere or taking days off from work because you want to save all your leave days for time with him. You're not trying to panic him. You're just trying to shake things up a bit.
I'd visit a girlfriend (not family), take a mini-vacation, while still going to work and doing what you do. Make it clear you still love him, and that he can call, text, or even ask you out on a date. Tell him that he's welcome to drop by and visit anytime he likes during the two weeks and in fact you'd love to see him! Maybe even sit up a date for the next weekend at his favorite restaurant, so you have specific point in time to look forward to.
If you don't hear from him in a few days, shoot him a flirty text, have a small gift delivered to him at work, or ask him out on a real live date if you haven't already sit one up. The goal is to drive home that you care about him and still paying attention to the relationship he's been neglecting. You are forcing a reemergence of the dating phase of the relationship and giving him time to miss you. Remember, you want to jump start the relationship, not cause a bunch of anxiety and/or drama. This can be fun if you can refrain from being bitchy and complaining, keep it light and focus on reminding him that he's the hottest guy you ever met and you do not want to lose him.
If he chooses to cheat during the relationship vacation, you have your answer.