My first serious boyfriend cheated on me when I was 22. I didn't really have trust issues after that but it kind of just soured me on wanting to have a serious relationship for a while. So I just dated casually for a while, and put my energy into.my friends and what I was really interested in. I'm 51 and have managed to have serious relationships since. And I'm marred now. So trust me, you won't feel afraid forever. It may be you just need more time before getting serioud with someone. Infidelity is always a possibility in a relationship. I think once you accept that it can happen in any relationship, you realize all you can do is make clear your expectations and deal breakers with your mate, and then hope everyone involved can rise to the occasion.

That has to be the best typo ever, rmb..... rotflmao!

Telling her you're "marred" now is sure to scare her!


Seriously.... rmb has given you some good advice. imo.

Wow.. " didn't remember I had a gf" this is a new one!
I ve heard many excuses, but this one tops them all.
" I had transient amnesia about me just having a penis in someone I committed to 6 months ago"
I am so sorry that this happened to you. I feel like when this happens, it changes you forever. You said he " made out", but did they actually have sex? If they didn't, this is a bit different. Still bad, but not the same as having a full blown affair.
People make mistakes, sometimes they catch themselves doing it and prevent it from going further.
What bothers me most about this situation is his explanation of wrong doing - it is immature and cowardly.
So, did he actually Have sex with her ?

Ahaha! Marred for life! My autocorrect was on full speed ahead in my response. Yikes.

I agree that perhaps you aren't ready yet for a committed relationship if you're going in afraid of what's to come..

I think the words of the Serenity Prayer are wise whether or not you believe in God...."Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change... Change the things I can and have the wisdom to know the difference"... Big hug...xo

Aronia is correct. I couldn't have said it better.
If he stopped himself and didn't allow anything to progress besides a make out session maybe you went just a tad bit overboard with your reaction. If he slept with her then you have reason for leaving him.

You have reasons why you did what you did by leaving him that I don't know about. It was your choice and I won't tell you anything but my opinion with the material you provide me which is not criticizing the choices you made for yourself because I'm sure you that's what you thought would be best at the time.

You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders and in time you will be readyfor a serious relationship. Just remember that today's friend can be tomorrow's something more and learn to be happy with yourself before getting into a serious relationship.
The trauma of losing someone who you love takes time to heal. It's like a death but not.

"Scared": You're trusting in fear. Trust in love, not fear. Trust that, one way or another, love will prevail. Also, try not to get fixated on ONE PERSON as your sole object of desire. Love takes many forms, and there's always another person right around the corner...the new person may not look like or be like the person you're with, but they might be just as good if not better.

Thank you everyone for the advice, it's much appreciated!

@drew4lostluv--> I considered not breaking up with him and trying to trust him again, but I was about to leave to go to school really far away, so the fact that long distance needs so much trust and he breached that, really played a role in my decision. I might have tried to work things out otherwise, but I don't have time for cheaters and immature boyfriends haha. Thanks for your advice though!

I see why you made the choice you did. It would be hard for me to trust him if I were you.

Trust comes with time. The whole trusting someone until they break that trust will get you nothing but hurt feelings. Let a good man show you that you can trust him and you will have a much healthier relationship.

It'll take time but it'll eventually happen. This experience made you wiser. There's nothing wrong with not trusting people until they earn that trust. Your heart got a little thicker. That's a good thing.

What do you mean by "trusting someone until they break your trust"?

I generally trust people until they give me a reason not to. I've been burned before but sheesh, going into every encounter with another person being distrustful takes a lot of energy and you can never really get close to anyone when you do that.

No I wouldn't categorize kissing another girl as having an affair, when you're young and unmarried, but I'm sorry, if my boyfriend is kissing another girl, he's done. You learn from those early experiences to know what you won't tolerate.

It was definitely for the best to break it off and I am
So proud of you for making such a mature decision at such a young age and not being a pushover !
I cheated on two people when I was very young ( no excuse, but I had some serious issues due to some abuse/neglect as a child) and in the recent years my husband and my new man both cheated on me. I dated quite a bit after divorce and in between being attached and I can tell you this - I am a very experienced person in terms of living life and one thing I know for sure - my intuition is always right.
When I dated after infidelity, I met men who gave me vines of comfort and feeling secure and others made my cheater radar light up.
I say - trust your instincts. At this point you already know the type of a guy who has cheater tendencies, so if you notice it, you are probably right.

Most people who are completely transparent in other ways will not cheat on you, but it is not 100%.
My husband has not had any affairs until 10th year of our marriage.
It was truly unexpected.

Thanks for all your advice! Yeah I wouldn't classify it as an affair because we weren't married, but it's not something you should be doing with another girl when you're in a relationship! Completely agree with you rmb! I've definitely figured out what I will tolerate, just have to work on being able to jump back into the dating pool with confidence now :P

@Aronia: thanks for you advice and kind words! It was definitely a very difficult thing to do.