Healthy Relationships Support Group
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ok. so my back story to this problem is really long, so if any clarification is needed please ask:
question: I have been with my partner for 5 years known him for 15yrs. we have 2 sons 6 and 3. our relationship has been rocky from the start. He is one of those guys that is all confident out in the world, has hundreds of friends, mainly women friends, and djs at local bars so is really into that whole scene. but at home, hes different, hes quite, depressed, angry, and jealous.
I have tried every way that I know how to adapt to and accept his personality and life style.
he used to tell me all the time about how he wanted to change, get out of the bar scene, be home more, and be with his family. but then never really followed trough and get angry if i ever ask him questions about why hes out so late, or who all these girls are on his social media and in his phone.
the fact that he instantly gets defensive sets me off and makes me question even more.
is there some other way that i can learn how to deal with this or is the relationship hopeless and i just need to force myself to move on?
question: I have been with my partner for 5 years known him for 15yrs. we have 2 sons 6 and 3. our relationship has been rocky from the start. He is one of those guys that is all confident out in the world, has hundreds of friends, mainly women friends, and djs at local bars so is really into that whole scene. but at home, hes different, hes quite, depressed, angry, and jealous.
I have tried every way that I know how to adapt to and accept his personality and life style.
he used to tell me all the time about how he wanted to change, get out of the bar scene, be home more, and be with his family. but then never really followed trough and get angry if i ever ask him questions about why hes out so late, or who all these girls are on his social media and in his phone.
the fact that he instantly gets defensive sets me off and makes me question even more.
is there some other way that i can learn how to deal with this or is the relationship hopeless and i just need to force myself to move on?
There is no changing that........so I guess you either live with it, or don't. But don't expect change.
You might want to look at his FB, private messages and his texts. Is he obsessed with his phone? Shower with it? If so I would be concerned.
This man knows that you loved him then and now that you have two kids you are chained to him even stronger. He has zero incentive to change anything. He knows that no matter what he does, you will likely just nag a little and then things will return to normal. He knows that you are not going anywhere.
In a normal relationship with traditional values partners do not stay out at all hours of the day and do not notify their spouses about where they are, who they are with and when they will be coming home.
Several reasons - 1. You have children - you, as a parental team, need to know where you are in case of emergency. If one of my kids or I get hurt, I know for sure that my bf will be home immediately 2. It is out of respect for your partner !
My man knows where I am and what I m doing and who I'm with, not because he is jealous and wants to know, but because I tell him. He has also caught on to this behavior with a lengthy process and now does the same. We have children in the house. We have regular dinner time to sit down and be together as a team. It is an important part of the day and the only time it doesn't happen is if some of us are sick, working or we are having a " free" night to do whatever we want in the evening.
So. I ve been in a marriage where it reached total stagnation and nothing I did could make anytning better. I chose to stay because I believed it was best for the children ( not a good idea ) and instead focused on my kids, running a business and obtaining education which now provides me with excellent income.
I can tell you one thing is for sure - relationships take a whole new feel when a mother with two children can stand well on her feet financially.
My advice to you is if you choose to stay with this man, focus on your financial strength, so when you do get fed up with him running around and not acting like a husband should, you will have no problem moving on.
I hope that things get better for you.
I read your profile.. He is a serial cheater I see.
I still stand by what I said : get on your feet.
You will be sorry later for wasting your love and energy on him instead of focusing on yourself and your children. I ve made the same mistakes - the men are NOT worth this sacrifice. You only get ONE chance to parent your kids. We have to do it right.