Healthy Relationships Support Group
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My boyfriend and I have been friends for years. We started dating 2 1/2 years ago and things have been amazing between us. His parents love me. I get along great with his brothers. But his brothers girlfriend absolutely hates me for no apparent reason. They have only been together a few months longer than my boyfriend and I.
She has been terrible since the day we met. She told my boyfriend and his brother that I was "mousey looking" and then when we started dating she told him that the only reason he was dating me was "to keep a constant supply of vagina around". He finally called her out on it and she said that she is just protective of him because he's her family. He told her that we had been friends for years and she needs to respect me.
Over the last two years I have been nice as can be. Even buying her gifts on holidays when I know she doesn't like me. But thing just keep getting worse. Now she doesn't even let his brother talk to me. He avoids me to keep her happy. Since she hates me he has to act like he doesn't like me too. They use to at least be cordial during the holidays but now hey just ignore me.
My boyfriend finally had to delete her off Facebook because he was tired of her snarky comments about us. Both on his wall and on her status for everyone to see. After doing that she finally asked him why he did that and why he didn't come talk to her. He explained that he's been trying for two years to talk to her and nothing has changed. He told her that he loves me and she needs to just be happy for us and if she can't then she can just not be in his life. And she just said she can't help how she feels. Even though there is absolutely no justification behind it.
He has tried talking to his brother as well and he just says that he is staying out of it. I hate that this is driving a wedge between my boyfriend and his brother. I just have no idea what to do.
She has been terrible since the day we met. She told my boyfriend and his brother that I was "mousey looking" and then when we started dating she told him that the only reason he was dating me was "to keep a constant supply of vagina around". He finally called her out on it and she said that she is just protective of him because he's her family. He told her that we had been friends for years and she needs to respect me.
Over the last two years I have been nice as can be. Even buying her gifts on holidays when I know she doesn't like me. But thing just keep getting worse. Now she doesn't even let his brother talk to me. He avoids me to keep her happy. Since she hates me he has to act like he doesn't like me too. They use to at least be cordial during the holidays but now hey just ignore me.
My boyfriend finally had to delete her off Facebook because he was tired of her snarky comments about us. Both on his wall and on her status for everyone to see. After doing that she finally asked him why he did that and why he didn't come talk to her. He explained that he's been trying for two years to talk to her and nothing has changed. He told her that he loves me and she needs to just be happy for us and if she can't then she can just not be in his life. And she just said she can't help how she feels. Even though there is absolutely no justification behind it.
He has tried talking to his brother as well and he just says that he is staying out of it. I hate that this is driving a wedge between my boyfriend and his brother. I just have no idea what to do.
My advice, quit trying so hard. I am glad to ready your bf isn't just letting her walk all over you. It's good he deleted her from FB. She will either eventually hang herself on this or just go away. There really isn't anything YOU yourself can do. She is the one with the problem
That being said it just seems to me the proof is in the pudding so to speak. No one else seems to have any problems with you so at the end of the day she is the one with problems not you and I am sure everyone recognizes it. I figure if she keeps up this behavior towards you everyone is going to annoyed and sick of her negative behavior towards you.
I know it isn't easy but always remember you have the control over how any one's behavior affects you. So you can simply ignore her completely and let her continue to make a fool of herself or you can call a little gathering inviting your b/f, his parents and his brother along with his gf and confront her in a kind way and straight out ask her what the problem is. This way she can either explain herself or perhaps she may even deny her behavior. Either way all the cards are laid on the table and everyone gets the opportunity to hear what she says good or bad.
The reason I suggest this as another option is because if she decides to take it upon herself to post nasty things on facebook or spread gossip or lies the people who truly care and know you will not let all this nonsense affect them or your relationship with them.
And of course you certainly can't change any one's behavior and I truly believe people who are disrespectful and are always trying to start trouble between others usually end up regretting it and find themselves alone. So remember you also have the option of just ignoring her completely as she has no power in controlling how much people love and care about you and if there are some who choose to listen to her well that is their mistake and their loss.
I hope this helps a bit for you and always remember the most important things is the happy relationship you have with your bf. She is merely a bump on the road that simply can be run over.
You're most definitely not mousy. (yes, I wandered into your profile.)
People who put others down like this are riddled with insecurities. If she was comfortable with who she is then she wouldn't feel the need to put you down.
Continue being your wonderful self and leave her drama behind. People WILL see how you rise above the situation and she will be left looking well, stupid. (I'm sure his family already notices how you're nice while she's nasty.)
And as a side note, I wonder what the brother sees in this girl. If she's nasty to you for no reason other than insecurity, I'm sure she's nasty to others as well. Who wants to be around such toxicity?!?
I don't think there's anything that you can do to change her (they are her issues, not yours), but the one person who COULD possibly make a difference is your BF's brother. On the one hand he says that he's "staying out of it," but on the other he let's his GF control him by not 'allowing' him to talk to you. He is also the one who is ALLOWING his GF to drive a wedge between him and his brother.
Anything you attempt to do with someone like this is likely to backfire, and the best thing that you can do, IMO, is keep a low profile and give her enough rope to eventually 'hang' herself.
Everyone has tried talking to her, so if that aint working, then blow her ass off. Or just start talking shit right back. I would talk shit back to her.
I'm pretty sure it does all come down to jealousy and insecurity. His parents have picked up on her attitude towards me and my boyfriends mom asked him if she and I get along. He told her that I have no issues with her but she hates me for no apparent reason. And his mom responded with "It's probably because she is prettier than her". Made my day haha.
I guess all I can do is just Ignore her. It's not like we see her very often. His brother does work with me though. I keep hoping that they will end up breaking up but my boyfriend doesn't seem to think his brother will get tired of her BS. His brother is a push over and he just accepts her being bitchy and controlling. I'm still hoping he will wise up and get rid of her.