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How to deal with gf who's not over with her ex yet

frank29
frank29

My girlfriend is not over with her ex-boyfriend yet and I don’t know if I should let her go because of that or help her move on and wait until she finally loves me for real. When we go out on a date, I sometimes noticed her thinking deep while looking at her phone. She sometimes reread her conversation with her ex. When we were eating at a foreign restaurant one time, she only stared at her food, probably thinking something from the past. I even don’t know if she’s happy being with me. I never heard her say she loves me. I love her but this relationship is not healthy. Should I let her go now?

arfie
arfie
How 'bout just backing off to give both of you some individual reflection time? At the very least, proposing the notion might steer the conversation to a deeper level.

I've been married 38 years and it is still enormously dangerous for me to try guessing what is behind my love's deep, reflective looks. The accuracy rating of my guesses is still low enough to make it far safer to ask than to guess. On the flip side of that coin, it still pisses me off mightily when my love believes his own guesses more sincerely than he believes what I say. His guess accuracy rating isn't any higher than my own.
LettGoBreathe
LettGoBreathe
I dated a couple guys who weren't over their ex's when we started dating.... It was painful. Who left who? If she was broken up with and jumped into a relationship right away, you might be a rebound that she was only using to heal her broken heart, not because she loves and cherished who you are. Speculations though, you can't really know unless you ask her.

And if she left him, maybe try not to assume she's thinking about her relationship. As a woman I hate when my BF assumes I'm mad at him when I feel down.

Communication (though I suck at it) is really the only way to go. It's still early in your relationship you should see if she's open and honest with you.
Screwed_Up
Screwed_Up
So how long have yall been together? Unfortunately, you may just be the rebound. Alot of woman (and men too I guess) jump in another relationship without ever working on themselves first. Because they want a quick fix from the pain that they're scared to face.
rmb
rmb
Well you're not a mind readers so you can't know for sure what she's thinking unless you ask her, but regardless of her having an ex, she's rude to be looking at her phone when on a date with you (manners 101). Just have an honest discussion with her. It's better to get it all out there and go from there than to assume things without her validating them.
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