Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Been with this man for 5 years now. We have a 2 year old son. Its been super rough with him. We dated for 2 years. He wanted a child so I said I would give him a child but, I made myself clear about my wanting to get married. He said that would happen. Here is a timeline to make things easier to understand.
2010 started dating
2011 moved to his town, I got a good job offer.
2012 got pregnant under the agreement we would move in together and marry.
2013 I moved into his house with my other children from previous marriage. During this time he lied to me and I found out he had betrayed me, cheated on me and also was a porn addict.
2013, I only lived with him for 6 months and moved out the same year because of his betrayal and lies.
2013, bought my own house and live again by myself as a single mom once more. Since I moved out we have been trying to work on things trying to rebuild the relationship and trust.
Dec. 2015, here we are trying to raise our son. We been dating and only see each other maybe two hours on a Saturday if that. I dont stay over his place he does not stay over my place. We alternate the baby on the weekends.
So my thing is I had been wanting marriage since I agreed to give him a son. I also discussed I would not move back in with him unless we were married. Every time I talk about it he gets truly defensive. And I begin to feel rejected. Just yesterday he said, give me a reason to marry you. I was very shocked! I have given this man my time, my life, a son, have put up with so much of his lies, rejection, betrayal and yet here I am giving him an opportunity to make up for his mistakes. So my question is how long is too long to be waiting. It feels like he is liking being a part time dad and likes having me as a part time girlfriend. We dont even do anything as a family no church, no outings, no birthdays nothing. Have I given this man too much of me? Do I continue to wait until he is ready? Is it even worth it?
2010 started dating
2011 moved to his town, I got a good job offer.
2012 got pregnant under the agreement we would move in together and marry.
2013 I moved into his house with my other children from previous marriage. During this time he lied to me and I found out he had betrayed me, cheated on me and also was a porn addict.
2013, I only lived with him for 6 months and moved out the same year because of his betrayal and lies.
2013, bought my own house and live again by myself as a single mom once more. Since I moved out we have been trying to work on things trying to rebuild the relationship and trust.
Dec. 2015, here we are trying to raise our son. We been dating and only see each other maybe two hours on a Saturday if that. I dont stay over his place he does not stay over my place. We alternate the baby on the weekends.
So my thing is I had been wanting marriage since I agreed to give him a son. I also discussed I would not move back in with him unless we were married. Every time I talk about it he gets truly defensive. And I begin to feel rejected. Just yesterday he said, give me a reason to marry you. I was very shocked! I have given this man my time, my life, a son, have put up with so much of his lies, rejection, betrayal and yet here I am giving him an opportunity to make up for his mistakes. So my question is how long is too long to be waiting. It feels like he is liking being a part time dad and likes having me as a part time girlfriend. We dont even do anything as a family no church, no outings, no birthdays nothing. Have I given this man too much of me? Do I continue to wait until he is ready? Is it even worth it?
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Due to my increased paranoia, anxiety, and a panic attack over the weekend, my psychiatrist has put me back in a full dose of Zyprexa until further notice. Every time I think I'm getting ahead something happens and it's back to square one. I knew he was gonna do this but I can't help feeling disappointed. It is what it is.
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Well, good morning to you!Today is National Roller Coaster Day. Are any of you going?It's also National Tell-A-Joke Day! Come up with some and share!I'm not bright with jokes these days, but I'll start:"Today I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon...I'll let you know." :D
I think your wasting your time! You need to just move on with your life and find someone to love you the way you want to be loved. Oh and It scares me the way you make a child sound like a commodity in your post. Like that baby was a bargaining chip to get married. I understand your upset and feel betrayed , but children need to be loved and not be used as colatterole.
I would maybe suggest some therapy for you to help you get through this. Don't let him make you the option and above all the child comes first!
I have seen so many people get into and stay in really bad relationships. Their reason is for the children. TO me that is the BIGGEST bull shit line I have ever herd and I always call them on it. The FACTs are that a bad relationship ruins children. It teaches them that a dysfunctional home is the norm and then they grow up and move on to have a whole life of problems and misery.
Please start looking out for yourself and your child. Life is to short to spend it with someone you cant trust and especially when they make you the option and not the priority.
Best of luck.
I rarely say this to anyone who posts here right off the bat because I do recognize that no one is perfect and we only really get one side of a relationship story, but really, if everything you say is true, are you kidding me? The father of your child sounds like garbage. Why would you want to marry someone who doesn't value you, why would you chose that man as a parent for your child, and why would you allow yourself to create a life as a means to get married.
Children aren't items to be bartered or bargained. What the hell.
I'm rarely rendered speechless.
That was the point you should've said good bye!
I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm just sorry.
You need to build YOU up, and figure out why you've put up with this for so long. Please. Before anymore relationships. Please.
You deserve to be treated kindly and with respect.... Your partner "should want to make your days better" ... at least that's what I believe... I can't see anything other then heartache and this isn't a good environment for any child.... xo
Think of yourself and your children; is this the example you want to set for them? It's been five years, how much longer will you let this go on?
Reply # 3 hit the nail on the head; that was your first mistake, yet you continued onwards. He has no ability to make up for his mistakes, that is quite clear. What isn't clear is why you keep thinking there is a chance that he might change.
I wish you well.
And he has shown you.
It doesn't matter what he says or promises, but what he does. This arrangement works well for him, but he's not going to change. The biggest mistake I made when staying with and marrying my now-EX husband was that I believed his promises for all of the things he said he would change "once we were married" and "once the baby was born." He didn't change any of them, and things got worse and worse. Staying and waiting on him will only show your children to settle for someone who treats them as 'less than." It's not easy to leave, but actually, once you are gone, it gets MUCH easier than staying with someone like this.
Move on. I think you're better than what your boyfriend is giving you right now.