Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Sorry its so long but it is a bit complicated. I will try to make it as short as possible but I could really use advice.
I dated a guy for 9 months. Thought everything was wonderful. Then he got distant and was only calling me for like 5 minutes a day and within a week after starting that he tells me being in a relationship is to much responsibility. He had a lot of other stuff going on and it got to much to him. I was heartbroken but after a few months we were able to be friends again. Then 8 months after breaking up he starts hinting he wants to try again. Well by then it was to late. I was dating someone else and had just moved him in with me. Now the new guy turned out even worse. Seems he was hiding the fact he was a serious alcoholic from me. The ex was there for me through the whole thing and he even bought my sons Christmas after I kicked the new guy out after he stole a bunch of money from my checking account. Ex volunteered to do it and did not ask for anything in return.
After all he had done for me I said yes to another chance. It has not even been a month now. All of the sudden everything hit him at once. He got sick, then he dislocated his shoulder at work and car insurance and taxes are do, along with rent. He was seriously stressed. I know how he works. When he gets super stressed he pulls into himself and avoids me. I get the man cave thing somewhat. He wont answer my calls or text. I heard from him briefly Saturday morning for like 5 seconds and nothing since then. I did try calling but no response at all. I refuse to deal with a repeat of last time. I wrote him a nice text. Basically I said," I know your under stress but I have no clue if your doing the man cave thing or if this is a repeat of last time. I told him I would not be calling or texting him. I made sure to tell him it was not because I did not care and that I hope I hear from him soon but if not I was moving on.". I meant every word I said to.
I refuse to put myself through what happened last time. I also don't want to start going out with someone else to soon with out giving him a chance. I feel as hard as he worked to get me back and as much as he helped me out he deserves that. I don't have someone waiting in the wings but I have had lots of luck with POF in the past meeting people and have made a few good friend there. So my question is how long is a reasonable amount of time to give him to contact me before I move on and make myself available again?
I dated a guy for 9 months. Thought everything was wonderful. Then he got distant and was only calling me for like 5 minutes a day and within a week after starting that he tells me being in a relationship is to much responsibility. He had a lot of other stuff going on and it got to much to him. I was heartbroken but after a few months we were able to be friends again. Then 8 months after breaking up he starts hinting he wants to try again. Well by then it was to late. I was dating someone else and had just moved him in with me. Now the new guy turned out even worse. Seems he was hiding the fact he was a serious alcoholic from me. The ex was there for me through the whole thing and he even bought my sons Christmas after I kicked the new guy out after he stole a bunch of money from my checking account. Ex volunteered to do it and did not ask for anything in return.
After all he had done for me I said yes to another chance. It has not even been a month now. All of the sudden everything hit him at once. He got sick, then he dislocated his shoulder at work and car insurance and taxes are do, along with rent. He was seriously stressed. I know how he works. When he gets super stressed he pulls into himself and avoids me. I get the man cave thing somewhat. He wont answer my calls or text. I heard from him briefly Saturday morning for like 5 seconds and nothing since then. I did try calling but no response at all. I refuse to deal with a repeat of last time. I wrote him a nice text. Basically I said," I know your under stress but I have no clue if your doing the man cave thing or if this is a repeat of last time. I told him I would not be calling or texting him. I made sure to tell him it was not because I did not care and that I hope I hear from him soon but if not I was moving on.". I meant every word I said to.
I refuse to put myself through what happened last time. I also don't want to start going out with someone else to soon with out giving him a chance. I feel as hard as he worked to get me back and as much as he helped me out he deserves that. I don't have someone waiting in the wings but I have had lots of luck with POF in the past meeting people and have made a few good friend there. So my question is how long is a reasonable amount of time to give him to contact me before I move on and make myself available again?
Do you want to have to do that?
I wouldn't.
If he can't do that or at least put forth effort to TRY and communicate at a reasonable level even while stressed? Yeah...no. Maybe he's better off alone if that's the case, and no doubt you'd be better off w/o him as well.
Relationships are not about "oweing" anyone ANYTHING including a predetermined amount of waiting time after theyve been inexplicably blowing you off.