Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

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tossedaside 04/20/2012

Been basically alone for 5 years. Engaged in 1- 2month ldr, and then a 1night stand. Prior to this 5year period, was married.
Married and divorced now 3 times, still, I do think I am worthy of companionship. Have attempted on-line dating, no dice. It has been suggested to join clubs,groups etc, however,shift work with rotating days off make that difficult.
So, I'm not sure of how I could have a healthy relationship, nor recognize the possibilty of one.

Thanks flr any and all thoughts or perceptions

new2free 04/21/2012

Please don't think this question is coming from any form of judgement, but have you done some really serious deep soul searching as to why you think you have had 3 failed marriages? Maybe if you are very honest with yourself you will see a pattern that you can change, so that you can have the relationship that you want.

Even though I have only been married once for a long time in a bad marriage, I know I have had some really messed up relationships in my life. So now I am doing some really honest self examination and am doing the work to rectify the problems and patterns I can see in my own life, so that I can hopefully have this one final shot at true happiness and a healthy relationship, and companionship in the later part of my life.
I think we can only hope for that if we are prepared to face our own truths for ourselves. Not for anyone else. JMO

honey54 04/21/2012

Hello I'm sorry I'm probably not much help as I'm similar to you - two failed relationships and ten years alone. I find it very hard to show my feelings and deal with problems in relationships (easy with friends!) but I know this was one of the reasons for the break ups

Was determined to address this and be more assertive in future relationships but hey, here I am again lol! Going along with things and changing to fit in with someone else grrrrrrr! I'm not even sure what a healthy reationship is any more!

So thanks for posting......I'm following it with interest :D

koolman 04/21/2012

By having a healthy relationship with YOURSELF, and then being honest with yourself, about what you want, and don't want, in your life, then articulating that to whomever you meet.

deleted_user 04/21/2012

I'm reading an ebook by Tammy Lang called "Damaged Goods: Things You Must Know About Healing From Abuse" and found this:

Healthy Adults do NOT:

Blame
Bully
Criticize
Gossip
Make Excuses
Compare or Compete with Others
Complain
Seek Attention or Validation from Others
Emotionally Shut Down when Relating Feelings
Pout
Lose Control or Act Out if a Need Isn't Met
Stomp Off
Run Away from Conflict
Demean
Cheat
Lie
Act or Speak Before they Think
Make Assumptions
Take Things Personally
Hold Grudges
Manipulate
Disrespect Others Space or Boundaries
Abuse Others

The above list, is a list of things that Children do and ways they behave. She goes on to say that "part of our growth experience should be about noticing our behavior and taking corrective action - not in a self-deprecating way, but in a supportive way of wanting to become a healthy adult."

What I"m getting at is that in order to have a healthy relationship you have to be healthy yourself.

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