I would say just be yourself and be honest. It is the best way. If this person is your best friend I would think they already know how you feel about your marriage. I am not sure what prompted your friend to proclaim his love. Does he have a significant other? I have had male friends like that to whom I have made clear how I feel. Its their choice. You can not control how another person feels. Perhaps you need to be clear about how you feel about your marriage. Are you unhappy in your marriage?
Perhaps you were feeling down and he just wished to let you know that you are loved. I think a little more info on how this all came out would be helpful

thanks idunn,there is more to this and will explain later as i am at work now.but thx for the advice.

I agree.
You have to be honest and realize you could lose a best friend, or have the greatest love of your life with him.

You have to decide if it's worth the risk!

I wasnt asking him to tell me this,he just up and did,yes ok my marriage is rocky/tepid at best.......but arent all marriages that way at 1 time or another,and it wasnt like i was telling him about my marriage,my god he was in my wedding for petes sake,seriously we were just hanging out at his house 1 sunday having coffee,and he says to me i have to tell you something(good thing i was sitting at the time) and he hemed and hawed and beat around the bush a few times,until i told him look just close your eyes and tell me,never expecting what he was going to say,until he said it,i was stunned and till this day still am, i made some lame excuse and told him we would talk about this later,that i had to leave,but for him to really think about what he just said to me,and that i would do the same,I have thought about it ,just dont know what to do about it....so any help here is appreciated thx so much....and to answer idunns question he is single.

Hi
I did not think you were asking for this. Sometimes, things like this happen to let us know we are valued and loved. May be he just felt you needed to know this. I work at as bartender and some of my regulars are rather
flirtatious but I am an ice queen who just smiles and laughs it off. I still see them every day but do not encourage. However,
your friend may need to understand your boundaries , i think that is where I was going with this. Gentlly and with love and respect. Thank him for telling you. It is more than a compliment of course. Let him know how honored you are . But also let him know that you are married and commited. May be you could just ask him what he expected from you when he told you that. I don't know. Like i said I have friends who have feelings for me but I seem to be able to gracefully side step it all with out hurting any ones feelings. And I am in a relationship so I have not been around or in contact much with my male friends who adore me. Just because of the weirdness.
And I am honest about that fact that I am in a relationship period. It is not the same as what is going on with you, I know but being clear and direct not brutal though is the best way to go. Some guys are just like that though waiting for a chance. I see it all the time I have worked around men for a long time and there are some who just wish to win. I am not saying your friend is one of these men but he is a man. They love the chase the hunt sometimes more than having what they were pursuing. Has your friend ever been in relationship?

yes idunn,he was in 1 long term relationship for 12 yrs(not me)then she started getting weird/possessive on him....so they split and she moved to alabama with her mom(long story to long for here),he was in several relationships after that up until a yr or so ago,keep in mind i have known him since i was 12,his sister and mine are best friends...so the family treats me and my sis as one of their own.........hence the weirdness about this whole thing.......but you are right,and i will be asking him where this all came from..thx again

Hi I do not know if I am right about anything.
It will be interesting to hear his response. It is entirely possible that he has always had these feelings for you. You probably possess all the qualities he desires in a woman. I do not know about you but there have been men I have known who had these qualities but they were unavailable.
One time And I do not know why. I too let someone know that I had feelings for them.
And if things were different maybe we would have been together. Stupid on my part as I would never do anything with a married man. Well he too had feelings for me. He then began to pursue me and assume that I would be into it. No see Ice Queen ! But it did cause much weirdness as we worked very closely together we were part of a team and my liviliehood was wrapped up and dependent upon this team
OMG. However I was about a year or so out of a 7 year relationship and maybe I was lonely yeah I was I really did adore this person until they began to pursue me. Their marriage was rocky at the time and kids were involved. What a mess. I did not do anything with him. It was very awkward and soon I was no longer part of the team.
I pushed him away . I was very sorry for saying anything because I loved working with these people and we were all friends.
I could write a book I swear. I am one of those women that support other woman whether I know them or not. Basically besides me physically pushing away his advances I also kept reminding him of his wife and kids every chance I could get. And
so after that I was very disappointed in him and myself. I am ashamed of the can of worms that opened up. I am sick to my stomach just thinking of it now. I was not thinking and I think I thought we were all so close and that there was mutual respect. But I saw a side of my friend that was not so admirable. So my advice or thoughts come from my experiences which are limited. . I would think though that more people would respond as I do not think your predicament would be so unique.
Anyway , you need to tell him how important he is to you and that you do not wish to lose him just like you said in your post. It is okay to feel flattered everyone needs a boost. Oh yes the point of sharing what happened when I did a similiar thing is this , I did not expect anything to happen.
I just wished to boost my friend's ego . I had no expectations of what happened and did not wish for that to happen. SO hopefully your friend means no harm and just wishes for you to know how much you are appreciated and admired. I am not a home wrecker and thankfully I did not wreck a home. As for me though I wish I had kept it all to myself and made notes of why I admired and loved my friend . But I suppose I got to know more about him which was not attractive , I do not find people who are looking to cheat attractive at all.

Thanks idunn,over the course of the years,whether it be his or my friends,they would always ask either 1 of us,how come you 2 arent together,my answer always was and still is,why ruin a good thing and/or hes not my type,hes my best friend YES,but thats basically it for me,now im beginning to wonder what his answer was when i wasnt around..there are so many questions and not enough answers............altho 1 thing keeps coming to mind,he had showed me a letter from his ex after she moved,she basically said that she felt he didnt love or respect her enough,like he loved and respected me,and why doesnt he just go for it with me.......I laughed it off at the time,saying she was hurt and lashing out,but what if she was right???I havent really talked to him lately,as we have both been busy,but maybe this weekend or next i will......have a great day.Take Care

I have seen that kind of thing in my life with me and also my boyfriend is more respectful and affectionate to some of his female friends.
But they had more history. Years more history.
And in my case I have wondered what if but I too kept my male friends at arms length as I too feared losing them as friends. which did happen in that situation I described to you , not only did I lose that friend and coworker but also the rest of the team which was all male. Our closeness ceased to exist.
I do think what is most important here is how you feel. I think sometimes we as females think that if a man is attracted to us that we must respond in kind. So how do you feel about him and about your marriage. I think once you get clear about your feelings you will be able to decide what to say to your friend. There is no wrong of right way . BTW I think I need to get clear on how I feel too. I have always had a problem with that .

I am surprised there has been no mention of how inappropriate your friends comments were. You are married correct? I think this is completely disrespectful to your husband and your marraige. If I were you I would be very careful and start focusing on your marriage instead of your friend. But to each their own. I wish you the best of luck sorting through this.

No kristina those comments were said yrs b4 i even got married,but thx for the advice anyways,Idunn my marriage for the most part is ok....and my friends are always there for me especially him,its been 28 yrs,but just friends and i hope to have another 28 but once again as just friends,and once i get to seriously talk to him 1 on 1,thats exactly what i will tell him.........I love him like a brother,not a lover,and even tho it may hurt him to hear that,at least he will know my honest reply...have a good day

Well It sounds like you are very clear o how you feel! I think some times people do not think before they speak. So I think it is good that you cleared a lot of your confusion here.
Your friend may or may not have been disrespectful . He may be confused too for other reasons. Whatever the reason .
Good Luck! I am sure you will feel better once the air is cleared.

my problem- i grew up with guys so i get along better with guys then i do with girls
guys problem- they want a girl that is "just like the guys" and that is me
Everyone problem- even though i am married they all seem to want to tell me that they are in love with me and that i am their "true love"

ugh. it is harder to be friends with guys that are in love with you then to deal with the drama of scandalous women. i rarely talk to any of my guy friends since they told me their feelings towards me and expect me to leave my husband. if i could do it over i would tell them that it cannot effect our friendship because he is very important to me and i cannot lose him as a friend. but once guys spill their feelings to you they expect you to act on the way they feel. if not they throw fits and slowly but surely what you had with them will dwindle away. since he has told you how he feels your relationship may never be the same.

well, I have to say.. this is a tough situation.. one of which I have been in.. for the exception of being married. However, apparently these feelings seems to stay with these men. It has been about 7 years since my friend confessed his love for me.. and to this day he still does. Its a hard decision to make.. on both parts.. and it makes you vulnerable on many levels. of course.. I love the fact that my friend loves me.. however, the hardest part was letting him know that my love for him was not at all the same.. and as his friend I would want him to have the same love he was willing to give.. and that person was not me. Of course it hurt his feelings.. and I felt awkward.. but decided I would not treat him any differently than I had before. learning of his feelings. To tell you the truth.. I had found out from a mutual friend about the feelings my friend was sharing with him.
there is no easy way to handle this.. but there most certainly.. some values.. set forth on a marriage that would certainly take presedence. over your friends feelings. If the relationship were meant to be.. it will be.. without.. demoralizing yourselves.. You can love someone.. with all your heart.. and not be with them.. it doesn't always have to end in marriage.. or being together as a couple... I hope you have found a solution.. to your indeaver

when I was faced with a similar situation... I simply told him how flattered I was, let him know I cared deeply for him too, just not in that way at this point in time. Let him know that you will still always be his friend. It took guts for him to put himself out like that. Don't lead him on, unless you plan to get out of your marriage and move on with him. BUT, don't alienate him either. If he felt that way about you before, then the only difference is that you know about it now (you probably suspected as much at one point or another, right???) He at the least had to get it off his chest. be kind to him.