Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
Morning all. just thought I would check in.
Im doing better now. The constant crying has stopped , although it does catch me out sometimes at odd moments.
I have moved into a new place with my daughter and we both enrol at University today! yay! The journey begins.
As for HIM.
Well, last night my youngest daughter (15 lives with her Dad and visisted me at weekends) was trying to get her laptop to work better so was running some virus checkers etc. She looked at the browsing history. My EX had been looking up escort services and lesbian porn. I am flabbergasted. It doesnt give a date but says 6+ months ago, so this would make it Feb/March time this year. The interesting thing is that when I asked him about it he said it was two months ago ( and we were still together then) She has had the laptop at her Dads house for three months so thats a lie right there. So when I mentioned to him about it he said he was searching on the sites to see if I was working as a prostitute. WTF! Charming.
So there we are, at the beginning of the year I had just started my business and he was pretty much at my office every day and he knew exactly where I was and when. I remember he took a photo of my diary on my desk once.
So the realisation that this is one sick unhealthy person is slowly filtering down. I am shocked. I was a good wife, even if I was unhappy. He never once suggested we talk or try and work on things. He has also hinted that if he doesnt agree with the comments on the divorce paperwork he wont accept it. sigh. I tried to put things which he couldnt argue with but I guess he will anyway. Silly me, I should have played that differently!
Anyway all okay here, I feel like Im coming out of the fog.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
He is a disgusting pervert.
You deserve a happy relationship
The more personally powerful you get, the more fearful he will become and I'm sure that just makes him uglier. God knows, the miserable like to make everyone else miserable too. But you just hold your head high and keep looking forward and moving forward, one foot in front of the other.
I am just flabbergasted. I go from being completely insulted and then to horror of the last four years.
But it makes so much sense, with the way he used to treat me. The sexual abuse, the marital rape, the treating me like I don't exist, just a thing to amuse him and make him look 'normal'.
I really believe he thought that about me. It makes sense on so many levels.
or am I just being naive again?!
are we all just prostitutes to them? He just used me.
YUK.
he's messing with my head so much.
and I was doing so well too…aaargh.
You are right though, I don't know what I was thinking. I guess I thought I could handle it and be sensible and just pop in and get my stuff.
Then he said about going out for lunch…argh…I should have said no…..
I do wonder if he is saying this as a tit4tat thing, as he did that a lot. He got arrested for harassment of a minor and we had a big row when I wouldn't take his side in it, he was going on about how I thought he was a paedophile……so it would make sense that he would throw that at me, especially after a nice walk etc….BOOM hits me with the devalue thing…..
I think you may need more time away from him to get to a point where you can have a conversation with him that doesn't affect you. And hopefully by that time, you won't even want to have a conversation with him again.
Count on him always behaving this way. Always assume he will say things to manipulate you. Always assume he wants to hurt you. That way, you won't even entertain the thought of spending one second longer talking to.him than you have to.
You are changing, evolving. He is not. So there can never be an interaction with him that will make sense.
Feel like its two steps forward one step back. But its all slowly teaching me what is healthy and what isn't. About me and others. Thats important to me. I don't want to do this anymore. I want healthy.
Your are doing so well for yourself. Don't let the little hiccups with him side track you.