Hugs veggie! Please don't beat yourself up about getting his meds because as you said he had opportunities but didn't get them. I know I don't care if it's zero below (which it actually has been here in OH) when I need my happy pills I rush to Walgreens to pick them up!

He sounds like he's guilt tripping you to stay by doing what he's doing.

Continue on your road to the happiness you deserve!! Besides doesn't he have sisters/family besides you?

Thanks. Yes, he has two sisters. I even suggested he and the one share her home.....or she could live with him at our current home. (Neither of us will be able to afford it on our own , but that would be a help for both of them)

Hmmm....at this point and time it occurs to me that I need to stop trying to make things better and feasible for him....and start worrying about MYSELF.
I have thrown a handful of suggestions at him...but he won't give any a simple thought. (He is kind of behaving like a sulky little kid)

I know a little of what you're saying, although not regarding an illness. I tried for a very long time to get my ex on the path to self sufficiency. Basic things like make and keep your doctor appointments, bring your car to the shop when there are error messages, pay that credit card you took out in your own name on time. Back up your computer. He just didn't do anything, missed appointments, the car battery died leaving the kids and I stranded (I never drove it but borrowed it that once when it died- out of state), was late on credit cards and received notices of impending terminations, etc, etc. No one could really get him to help himself. He was good at the poor me thing and didn't care enough about being a responsible adult. That was definitely his bad, but I was a sucker, an enabler..

Codependent that I was, I started buying him household things - to make his life easier after the divorce and so he would have furniture and necessities for when he had the kids over. He seemed grateful, and it eased some of the misplaced guilt I was feeling for initiating the divorce. Thing is, he left it all behind.. He took only some of his clothes and the few big pieces of furniture the living room in the new house was being staged with. He even asked if I could store the furniture for him - in my 1600 square foot house. Uh, no. I wasted so much time, energy and money on him, in attempts to make his new life easier, and he just wasted it. My misplaced time, energy and money. I should have directed it all back to me.

Lesson learned though is this - you shouldn't try to help someone who plays the helpless fool. Let him fall by himself. He can be a sulky little kid all he wants. My ex went back to Mommy, and he's been there 8 months. I recently asked where he stood in terms of finding a place to live, and I got the same old response he's been saying for years about everything: IDK. He has the house sale money, yet he's not adult enough to go out on his own. It's sickening, really. He's a fool and I'm done with fools.

It is scary....you are describing him (and my responses) to a T! I too am learning...the hard way. I will pay attention to your lesson learned. :)

I would ask your husbands' doctor for a referral to a social worker in the community ... ..

When the person gets in touch ask for a meeting and discuss these things with your husband and the social worker

It might make it more real for your husband as well you can see what community health would be available to you presently

Does the pharmacy deliver?.... a lot of them will here..... Big hug......xo

He is doing better lately....no more falls. Got and restarted other meds. Actually moving up and around for a change.

Absolutely agree with SunCloudJD - this isn't real to him yet. I would go ahead with the social services agency - if he doesn't share a home with his sister, he may need visiting nurses or a live-in at some time. There are options for him, and you're not one of them anymore! It still feels a little enabling to me that you'd be the one to set up the appointment, but if it can get the ball rolling toward his independence, then that's good.

I have not called to set the next appt with the attorney yet. I do need to see when his next check up with our family physician is and plan to go along. I am so very tired of having to deal with his anger at the mere mention of trying to proceed with this divorce......or to try to suggest ways to help him. When I do go along, when I mention a concern, he quickly minimizes it to the dr....making me feel like an idiot for even bringing it up.

On one hand I am trying to break away and let him worry for himself, on the other hand, he sometimes wants me to go too (but , God forbid I ask something.....wth?)

What's the connection with his doctor's appointment and the next meeting with the attorney? Is there something the doctors might say which would cause you to not continue with a divorce? Because I worry that this is a kind of stall tactic, on your part. Believe me, I understand this if this is what's happening, been there done that :(

There is no connection....just venting of being overwhelmed at constantly having to be the "responsible grownup". And admitting I did want to have that next appt scheduled with the attorney by today......but didn't gather all my info because I do dread the arguing, anger, silent treatment.....all headed my way.

You are going to get arguing, anger and the silent treatment whether you move forward with the divorce, the attorney appointment, etc or not, right?

The good news is if you keep moving forward with your plans, it eventually ends because you have freed yourself. It never ends if you don’t.

Ok rmb......a very good point . I guess I am responsible here for the limbo if I try to make nice and prolong the inevitable.