I know it isn't easy when you have experienced bad relationships and then try and start a new one with someone else as a person tends to keep their guard up or even avoid doing certain things because of fear of getting hurt again.

I would only say that if you can try and focus more on just trying to relax and concentrate on getting to know this fella as you spend more time together things won't be so tense for you. I realize you said you have known him for about 4 years but now that you are dating give yourself a chance to explore your feelings with him and find out what you like and dislike in regards to common interests and how he treats you. Try not to compare him to the other fellas you have dated and work more on getting to know him for who he is.

You already know and have learned what you do not like from your past relationships and if you see those signs then by all means back off and re evaluate the situation. In the mean time if you enjoy spending time with him and the dates seem to be going well just try and relax and let nature take its course.

If you take the time to do that I feel that in time you will know without a doubt if he is the right one for you or not. Remember taking chances is the only way you can start to allow yourself to take risks and move on. If you continue to let the past over power you then you will be in safe mode yes but you also lose the opportunity to find a lot of happiness in the world. Don't let yourself stay in the safe mode too long because life is short and everyone needs and deserves to be happy. Wishing you the very best:)

i really hope there is an answer to this. if you do find one please let me know.

I was 17 to 20 and it took me to 22 to get over her. Now Ive been with a girl for a year living together and the same shit happened.

I guess it gets easier with time.

I mean... i went from miserable the first time in 1 hour.

this time it took 10 days for me 2 break down!

So yes... I guess it gets... better? if u call that better.

My guess is... everyone is different. and this is by far my biggest weakness. Is my emotions, and relationships. The pure high I get off someone wanting me, and then the pure withdrawal of having that person not want you anymore.

good luck

Our educational, adventurous years of adulthood (18 - 25) are all about learning, falling, hurting, dusting off, getting back up and trying again. Over n' over again.
It's hard to stumble around as fresh new adults, checking out how our hearts work, how others work, what validates us, recognizing and dealing with our childhood baggage, trying to make money and accept and succeed all the areas of independent adulthood.

All I went through beginning at 17 were 'experiences of a niave young girl'. I didn't know it then..but all those hard, heart-breaking relationships were to teach me what I will and will not accept. Everything you've gone through in your young life was meant to be 'lessons'...not instill fear from trying again with a fresh, smarter perspective.

Take only what you learned from your past and leave the rest to collect dust. You are who you are NOW. Today is the first day of the rest of your life ~ live it with all your heart and mind.
Look forward to all the cool, wonderful things will see, experience and learn!!! There is a whole bunch of beauty and fun to be had...and it's all yours if you want it.

No matter where you are in your life..no matter how old you are...never ever let yourself live Today in fear Created by the Past.
(hug)

I dunno, I'll let you know when I'm in a "good relationship" (whatever that is).

I guess just relaxing within yourself is a good start! When you feel completely relaxed within yourself, and someone else helps soothe you in that relaxed state, the two of you can feel completely comfortable but not so comfortable to the point where there's no sexual tension, you'll have found that "zone".

I was SOOO relaxed with a former that we basically became good friends...with no sex. It was great on one level, a cup half full (or half-empty, depending on how you want to look at it) on another.

Just take it slow, stay positive, Be kind to one another, and have fun.

It really is possible to have a good relationship after so many bad ones. You have to let go of the past. Theyre are good people out there, you just have to find the good eggs. Start fresh, like clean your slate- dont punish this guy for any of your past boyfriends mistakes. Good luck!

I have experienced bad relationships too and when I finally had this really great guy that comforted me, showered me with compliments, and said he loved me I turn them down and say "That's not true, you're just saying that and then eventually you'll leave too" he did leave me too, but it's because I pushed away all the love he gave me. Accept what you have now and stop comparing your relationship now to your past,(if you don't do that then you are doing good already) you don't want this one to end up like that. Be happy you have someone so great to be there for you!