Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

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Nc21
Nc21

So I have been in this relationship for almost two years now. We both have had rough past relationships. We recovered by meeting each other. She tells me everything about herself. I lie about myself in the beginning and she found out. And I have been recovering from that and gaining her trust back. Then I would lie over something stupid, something so small that it wouldn't even matter if I told her the truth. I would never cheat on her. I know what it's like to be cheated on so I don't condone that at all. I just keep ruining trust with her over dumb things, so this causes her mind to race and think the worst. I am trying to fix this lying issue I just don't know how to go about it. I know how to make our relationship healthy and happy. The only thing I can think of doing when it comes to confrontation is just take a step back and breathe before answering. Give her the answer she deserves and not the first thing that comes to my mind. I know this is all confusing but idk how to just write it. Just trying to get some opinions and some help to help me stop ruining my relationship. 

Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
I would try and get into some therapy if you're able to for you!!….. It sounds like you have some work and healing to do and a therapist can help you work through what you need to.....xo
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
some reasons why people lie

https://pro.psychcentral.com/exhausted-woman/2018/03/30-reasons-why-people-lie/
broken101
broken101
This is just my opinion. But it seems like to me you have issues with yourself going on and you need to take a hard look at that .Get help if you need it to figure out what the issues are and go from there. As far as your relationship goes you can explain to her that this is the steps you're going to try to take to make it a better and healthier relationship . If she cares about you she will understand and be happy and grateful when you get to work done. Working on ourselves is never easy but it's definitely necessary if we're going to let people in our lives. I hope this helps.
Ozzy_R
Ozzy_R
I agree with the other post. First, work on yourself. Go seek counseling and try to determine why you continue with this behavior. They can help you with ways you can control your behavior and communication with your significant other.

At this point, it's important to not only tell her you're trying to improve, but also show her.

At the end, if she doesn't value your effort, at least you worked on improving yourself. Learn from your mistakes and move forward. We can always improve ourselves in someway.
LindsayAlone
LindsayAlone
I agree with the others. This is a personal issue. Are you using sarcasm with these “lies” or are they legitimate lies over minuscule things? If this has been a part of your character for most your life, you need to work on retraining yourself. There’s some good tips online!
catch_the_music
catch_the_music
Ask yourself why you are lying. Ask why you want to improve on reality.

Realize it is okay to not be perfect. It's ok to have messed up. Just don't stay in that state. You can find forgiveness.
Find a person you can trust and be truthful with them. Someone who will help you be able to deal with your mess ups and pray with you over this. Maybe a pastor or counselor or good friend. They can give you ideas on how to turn your situation around for the best!

Prayers for success in this!
CagedGypsi
CagedGypsi
Keep up the truth. Hopefully her gut instinct will tell her it's worth it. Your fumbling over little things that end up coming back to bite you, it could be just a learned reaction from childhood. Keep trying. At least in the end you'll still have integrity, even if it's only you who thinks so.
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