Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

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Help!

Slimshady09
Slimshady09

So my partner of 19yrs has a foot fetish & always has, but it wasn't until this last year it really started to bother me. Its like his fetish has gotten worse with age. He gets home in the morning from work & instead of kissing me like he did years before he goes straight for my feet then gets pissed when I get upset. Its like when he looks at me all he sees is feet. I use to get text messages or phone calls from him talking about me now all I ever get is stuff about my feet :-( ive tried to talk to him about it but all he does is get pissed & leave my feet alone for a few days then it starts all over again. Any advice? Or help? Or wisdom? Or anybody else going through this? I have no one else to talk to about this so figured id try here.

arfie
arfie
Hello Slimshady. Welcome to DS.

Over exposure to those obsessive tics gets my vote as the hardest part of long-term relationships. In my 38 year partnership, there have been days/weeks/months/years my irritation with those quirks have far out-weighed the benefits of a long-term relationship. This particular morning, I am glad I held on to the comfort and security, Buttttttaaaa. . . you compulsively grab my _____ one more time and you will pull back a stub, Bubba!!!

At the risk of sounding like my mother. . . Pick your poison?

Think I'll go kiss some more toads. My Enchanted Prince has to be out there somewhere.
Kathrirdred
Kathrirdred
It looks like he loves only part of you, but it is not. Try to talk one more time, explain your feelings and if he really loves you, he will understand.
Slimshady09
Slimshady09
Thanks arfie! And Kathrirdred I appreciate your comment but thats the problem we talk about it he stops for a while then goes right back to the same thing. Its like in one ear out the other. Its so frustrating & hurtful. I feel like he sees me a giant foot & thats it. It never use to be this bad, but now when i pull away or say something he gets all pissy & doesnt talk to me for a day or 2 (because he knows silent treatment drives me nuts).
arfie
arfie
The mindlessness is what make ^it^ a fetish/compulsion. Damned imperfect humans. And here I am, back to sounding like my mother. . . Which poison will I pick today?

Wanna come kiss some toads with me? My stock tanks are loaded with 'em. In my Pecos Pete fairy tale books, Enchanted Princes thrive on the bullshit. Cowshit, too.
Brooke911
Brooke911
Have you guys thought about a counselor? I'm not sure how either one of you would feel. But if this is..in a sense of 50 shades of gray..a hard limit for you. Or for like me.. A negative ghost rider.. and there isn't a middle ground to be found then maybe it's time to start having that serious conversation with yourself and him. As hard as that sounds.
Brooke911
Brooke911
Also.. If he gives you the silent treatment for a day or two because he knows it drives you nuts... that's not very considerate of your feelings at all and doesn't sound to me like he is even thinking of you at all but of himself. I'm sorry if my being blunt is hurtful but I'd rather be blunt than to sugarcoat it.
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Do you think that this is at a point it would be considered a disorder??

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/fetishism-symptoms/
Aronia
Aronia
The good news is that your feet are his priority, not someone else’s.
How is your relationship feet aside? So you have separate social lives ?
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