Yourself

Yep, yourself. I'm fine being in or not in a relationship...being in one makes me feel enriched not secure

I tend to feel more secure out of a relationship. In a relationship, it always seems to be a struggle to fight for and retain control of my very own soul.

Me of course.

My ex informs my children that I will remain unhappy until I meet someone new. In the 5.5 years we have been apart she has had multiple partners (3) whilst I have had none (does that mean she is insecure?).

I am single and believe that I am happy being so, I suspect then that that makes me secure, and that I fail to need an opposite gender member to be any more so.

"In the 5.5 years we have been apart she has had multiple partners (3) whilst I have had none (does that mean she is insecure?)."

Maybe. Or maybe she just has a low threshold of lasting security. She quickly gets bored.

For the entire 13 years we were together I loved her. For the entire 13 years we were together she claimed she failed to love me at all, and I very much sensed that to be the case (why didn't I leave her then? We had children, and it was important to me that mom and dad remained constant in their lives - she failed to think the same though because she left me instead of me her - and there was a reason for that as well).

She is a lovable creature, but not a loving creature, and it surprises me not at all that she moves quickly on. My p-doc says she is an Avoidant type, as is it sociopaths are found to be also.

I have never mourned her loss, and continue to think that way. She is a very disrespectful person, and therefore a very unnice one too. Monsters are made though so forgive her some for that I have been able to.

Sorry you experienced the same "unrequited love" as I have. Hate to rub salt in the wounds, but it seems men, especially men who don't look like Ryan Gosling or Channing Tatum, have to work so hard to obtain a woman's attention, much less affection. When we were kids, we were cute! Razor stubble, balding and graying hair and bulging guts inevitably make obtaining a woman's attention and affection next to impossible. We have to go overboard to be extremely loving. Beyond a pint of blood, I don't know what else I for one can give lol.

Koolman has stated that as men get older, balder, with gut, etc. it gets very difficult to obtain women's affection. Well as women age, they face the same pain. Even men our age want someone much younger. In our society outer beauty will get you further than inner beauty. Everyone pretends to value inner beauty, but it's basically a crock, sadly.

I don't have to have a relationship to be happy and content but I like being in a relationship, because I am a social creature and there are always people around be and when I was single there was always someone around to date.
It is very concerning that your ex is telling your children that the only way to be happy is to be with someone, because this is how people end up in destructive, dysfunctional unions.
I would say she is definitely wrong and bitter for some reason.
Your marriage ended. At this point , your personal life is none of her business.
The only reason why I care if my ex is happy or not is because I want my children to have a happy parent, but I have no right to buy into his life.
If I was in this situation, I would probably ask my ex spouse not to discuss my personal life with the children.
We all make choices - she chose to have children with you, you didn't put a gun to her head, therefore she needs to get off the high horse and stop creating problems where there none.
I m sorry that you have to go through this.

I think you can find happiness in a relationship or out of one, it doesn't matter. The personal ultimately responsible for your happiness is yourself. You must know what makes you happy then try hard to fulfill that, and if your goals don't get accomplished realize life is never guaranteed and find the happiness and blessings in what you have.

I have three children. My eldest is bi-sexual, my next in line is gay, and my youngest has Asperger's Syndrome.

My ex blames me for my youngest having AS, she failed to explain to me how though, it was important for her though to lay blame. She never blamed me though for our eldest two conditions, would that be because she is to blame maybe?.

My ex is a very sick human being, and whilst I enabled her I was blind to it.

In adulthood I have never been happier than I am now, and I see no reason why how I feel right now will ever change.

Thank you all for your responses.

LivingWater, my ex was no oil painting, I was attracted to her when I found out she was attracted to me (and for her it was all physical, not so for me though as she was grossly overweight, and still is as I understand it), the truth be known neither of us would figure prominently in a beauty contest, although I'm certain she would beg to differ.

I believe that as we age we become more needy of mental stimulation, well that is what applies to me, so desiring someone younger and immature for me is a no go zone.

Yourself is more important.

I don't think your ex sounds insecure because she has had a couple relationships post divorce...a lot of people date after divorce.

My ex had lots of relationships prior to us meeting, so many so that she lost count. We came from different sides of the track, I was happy when we met, and she was sad, and that's the way it stayed for 13 miserable years.

And why did I hang in there? Because that's what gullible loving people seemingly naturally do, and I am unashamedly one of those type people.

She is insecure because she fails to recognize love when it is given her. According to my p-doc she displays traits that are consistent with those of a sociopath, and sociopaths are considered insecure type people.

My ex is sadly an uncaring person, both of herself and of our children. It is not considered a problem by her to expose her abusive male friends to our children, her selfish needs have to be met over all else, and by needs I mean sexual and gambling.

I feel sorry for my ex, sadly for me though I hate her more than the devil himself, because she is a supreme wicked entity also, and not because of what she did to me so much, but because of what she did to our beautiful daughter.

Re my ex, the person you saw in public wasn't the person you lived with behind closed doors. To your face she loved everybody, everybody that is whom she could benefit in some way from.

Once your back was turned though, you was nothing but mud on the soles of her shoes. Only I know this about her though, and thus am unlikely ever to be believed.

When I was with her she was a pretender, she was always in a hurry, and someone who went nowhere fast. She is the worst partner I have ever had, and the only one whom failed to love me. She was though an experience I needed to have, and for that I am somewhat grateful to her.