Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Long story short if you haven't seen any of my previous posts: both 26, been together 5 years, got engaged last September. We broke up on 28th Dec. for two weeks and he moved back in on 14th Jan to see how we go. Both made some changes during this short time, he quit smoking and got more active, I quit drinking (which was a major contributor for the break up) and started walking everyday, been more positive.
He's not sure if he's in love with me anymore, but after all we've invested, he wants us to give it a shot.
What's driving me mental at the moment is that he's in the house... we're sharing a bed... we're hanging out together, but it is so obvious that he's not entirely "here" when he's here. I can see his thoughts ticking over and over in his head all of the time. Whenever I ask him how he's feeling, he gets mad at me saying, "I didn't move back here to be asked everyday how I'm feeling, please stop asking me."
I explained that it's very difficult for me to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't know if they love me, but I'm sticking it out and putting myself through this because I have faith that we can work through, but I do want to communicate. He says he's got things going on in his head he's not ready to talk about, he's still thinking through things, so stop pestering me! (basically)
What my plan is at the moment (it's only been 5 days since he's been back) is to just continue to stay positive, look after myself and try and do some fun things together (mini golf, bowling, maybe go away camping for a weekend which we both love) rather than sit around in the daily grind and wonder why nothing's changing. I know that we need to talk about it eventually, but maybe for now we could just not talk about it try and have some damn fun together again?
Be interested to see what you guys think...
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
Try to engage in bond-building activities together.
When the time comes, he will talk.
You are doing a good job. Keep on being sober, it is a long process of rebuilding but it seems like he is really interested.
Once he realizes that your good behavioirs are here to stay, maybe his feelings for you will become stronger .
Hugs
Also - we work at the same place, that's how we met. He works out on the field and I work in the office so we don't cross paths, however we do have to interact via phone most days.
If we had a piece of paper that shows we are legally bound and we were trying to work things out, I think that I'd possibly think less of the effort than the fact that we aren't legally bound and are trying anyway! :)
You said you guys were a one night stand and moved in 6 months later having not dated, y'all should've been dating before shacking up. Dating is how you get to know a person to see if you should be in a LTR. I speak from experience as I did like you did and we didn't work out. It wasn't a good relationship at all as half the time was spent arguing/fighting.
I applaud both of you for the big changes of quitting smoking/drinking, however you're young and should be enjoying life, not wondering if he loves you, not wondering why he's not talking about things, not asking him how he's feeling and him getting mad. Communication is so important and if one isn't doing so it's not a good thing. If he doesn't love you/want you he just needs to have the balls to say so so each of you can get on with your lives and continue working on yourselves to become better people for others that feel the same!
So, I'm not saying you should get married, and I am actually all for couples who do what's right for them, and if that's not getting married, I support that. But marriage takes a certain amount of bravery and trust that I believe is quite different than a non married relationship.
Trying to stay healthy and sober for him, to hope he some day feels the same about you again is never going to work. Yoh have to be sober and healthy for you, and it's an over time thing, not a few week thing.
You need to really create a little bit of a life separate from him.
Try to give these advices above some more thought and not be offended.
People really care. Hugs