Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
My boyfriend and I have been on the rocks. Our time together during the week has dwindled down to once or twice, and I find myself CONSTANTLY having to initiate hanging out with him. I'm always anxious that he won't text or call, and I always feel like I am inconvienencing him when I try to hang out. He's implied he only wants to see me once a week, and we've been dating for 7 months. Last night he complained that I was being mean to him, and he was just going to "stop texting me because I was a bitch via text" since I seemed to only send him one word answers. I then said he blows hot and cold, and some days he never even calls me at all. He said, "yeah, I don't feel the need to talk every day. Some days I just don't want to talk, other days I want to talk to you all the time. Deal with it". I said, "It's not fair to me that you are always blowing hot and cold, I can't handle it and it's just not fair- I deserve more than that. A check in once a day is not that hard. I shouldn't have to force you, you should want to." He immediately rolled over and said he wouldn't have the conversation any more. I got up and said I was going home, started to put on my clothing, and said I feel like I may need to break up with him. He was laughing and wouldn't take it seriously. Eventually, it was really late (1 am) I realized I couldn't walk two streets over to my car in the dark, and got into bed. He whispered to me "Please don't break up with me. I'm really happy with you." Still, the ringing of "I blow hot and cold... deal with it" is in my head. I feel disrespected and like an afterthought for him. I'm unhappy when he treats me like this, and then happy when I am with him and things are well. It's such a roller coaster and at this moment I feel like standing my ground and scaring him and saying "I think I need some space." I'm scared for his reaction, but at the same time, I want to show him that I won't put up with that. Is what he said wrong? What should I do?
Instead of feeling like saying you need some space for the sake of -actually-needing space.
I'm willing to bet he laughed when you mentioned breaking up because he knows youre only making idle threats to get a reaction out of him. And he knows it - because youve posted before about the games you two play with eachother. Hes calling your bluff.
My advice? Stop threatening. Either do it or dont, but dont threaten to do something when you have a hidden agenda for doing it. Believe it or not, thats abusive behavior.
You dont ever seem to respond to anyone who posts in your threads or offers advice.. I'm not even sure you read our posts to you. You've posted about 4 separate threads about this guy.. hes cheating on you with Snapchat, your relationship is up and down, etc.
When are you going to do something about it - for yourself?
The way I see relationships is, we either take them or we leave them.
If we decide to take them, we accept them the way they are. If we arent truly capable of doing that, then its time to find a partner who better suits our individual needs. This life is FAR too short to compromise on that.
Holding on is being brave, but letting go and moving on is often what makes us stronger and happier.
Here are ten signs its time to let go:
1. Someone expects you to be someone youre not. Dont change who you are for anyone else. Its wiser to lose someone over being who you are, than to keep them by being someone youre not. Because its easier to mend a broken heart, than it is to piece together a shattered identity. Its easier to fill an empty space in your life where someone else used to be, than it is to fill the empty space inside yourself where YOU used to be.
2. A persons actions dont match their words. Everybody deserves somebody who helps them look forward to tomorrow. If someone has the opposite effect on you, because they are consistently inconsistent and their actions dont match up with their words, its time to let them go. Its always better to be alone than to be in bad company. True friendship is a promise made in the heart silent, unwritten, unbreakable by distance, and unchangeable by time. Dont listen to what people say; WATCH what they do. Your true friends will slowly reveal themselves over time.
3. You catch yourself forcing someone to love you. Let us keep in mind that we cant force anyone to love us. We shouldnt beg someone to stay when they want to leave. Thats what love is all about freedom. However, the end of love is not the end of life. It should be the beginning of an understanding that love sometimes leaves for a reason, but never leaves without a lesson. If someone truly loves you, they will never give you a reason to doubt it. Anyone can come into your life and say how much they love you, but it takes someone really special to stay in your life and prove how much they love you. Sometimes it takes awhile to find the right person, but the right person is always worth the wait. - Read "The Road Less Traveled".
4. An intimate relationship is based strictly on physical attraction. Being beautiful is more than how many people you can get to look at you, or how others perceive you at a single glance. Its about what you live for. Its about what defines you. Its about the depth of your heart, and what makes you unique. Its about being who you are and living out your life honestly. Its about those little quirks that make you, you. People who are only attracted to you because of your pretty face or nice body wont stay by your side forever. But, the people who can see how beautiful your heart is will never leave you.
5. Someone continuously breaks your trust. Love means giving someone the chance to hurt you, but trusting them not to. When you completely trust a person, without any doubt, youll automatically get one of two results - a FRIEND for life or a LESSON for life. Either way, theres a positive outcome. Either you confirm the fact that this person cares about you, or you get the opportunity to weed them out of your life and make room for those who do. In the end, youll discover whos fake, whos true, and who would risk it all for you. And trust me, some people will totally surprise you.
6. Someone continuously overlooks your worth. Know your worth! When you give yourself to someone who doesnt respect you, you surrender pieces of your soul that youll never get back. There comes a point when you have to let go and stop chasing some people. If someone wants you in their life, theyll find a way to put you there. Sometimes you just need to let go and accept the fact that they dont care for you the way you care for them. Let them leave your life quietly. Letting go is oftentimes easier than holding on. We think its too hard to let go, until we actually do. Then we ask ourselves, Why didnt I do this sooner?
7. You are never given a chance to speak your mind. Sometimes an argument saves a relationship, whereas silence breaks it. Speak up for your heart so that you wont have regrets. Life is not about making others happy. Life is about being real, honest and sharing your happiness with others.
8. You are frequently forced to sacrifice your happiness. If you allow people to make more withdrawals than deposits in your life, you will be out of balance and in the negative before you know it. Know when to close the account. Its always better to be alone with dignity than in a relationship that constantly requires you to sacrifice your happiness and self-respect. - Read "Stumbling on Happiness".
9. You truly dislike your current situation, routine, job, etc. Its better to be a failure at something you love than to succeed at doing something you hate. Dont let someone who gave up on their dreams talk you out of going after yours. The best thing you can do in life is follow your heart. Take risks. Dont just make the safe and easy choices because youre afraid of what might happen. If you do, nothing will ever happen. Chances must be taken, mistakes must be made, and lessons must be learned. It might be an uphill climb, but when you reach that mountaintop it will be worth every ounce of blood, sweat and tears you put into it.
10. You catch yourself obsessing over, and living in, the past. Eventually you will overcome the heartache, and forget the reasons you cried, and who caused the pain. Eventually you will realize that the secret to happiness and freedom is not about control or revenge, but in letting things unfold naturally, and learning from your experiences over the course of time. After all, what matters most is not the first, but the final chapter of your life, which unveils the details of how well you wrote your story. So let go of the past, set yourself free, and open your mind to the possibility of new relationships and priceless experiences. - Read "The Power of Now".
And, the one thing you should never let go of is HOPE. Remember what you DESERVE and keep pushing forward. Someday all the pieces will come together. Unimaginably good things will transpire in your life, even if everything doesnt turn out exactly the way you had anticipated. And, you will look back at the times that have passed, smile, and ask yourself, How did I get through all of that?
Good luck to you!