That's me! I'm a busy caregiver to my mother and a one year old! How do I have time for anyone else? At this time, I am perfectly happy. :D

I know what ya mean too. I have two teenage boys to run after , work fulltime, and run a household. I do feel however that when the right person comes along I will make time for them. I am tired of being alone and feeling like no one cares about me. I have so far been able to free up 1 day a week to have dates on , but then finding that date is hard to do too.

Idk.. I think " listening to their problems" stuff needs to be left for later. When you are just starting out it should be fun and pleasure, not a therapy session every time.

I agree with Aronia. After going through all this divorce and self evaluation, I just want to date someone. I mean go out and have fun together enjoy one another's company and see what it is like to be treated nicely and not take things to a serious level. I don't know if any of that is even possible, but that's my ideal situation moving forward.

I don't bitch about being lonely because I remember the difficulties and complications of being in a relationship. I am bored out of my skull, though and would love to find a guy who could take things slow and casual. I haven't found one (that I'm interested in) yet.
I also have other things going on in my life and will drop a guy in a hot second who can't show respect for that.

I have plenty of time to be in a relationship, but am conflicted within myself. Don't need the drama and heartache. Like the song says,

"I don't wanna be lonely no more, I don't want to have to pay for this, don't want the lover at my door to be just another heartache on my list."

In the past, I neglected to notice--or chose to ignore--red flags. But now it's like I see the red flags right away and wonder if it's worth it. No one is perfect, and older people especially come with all the baggage of the past. I would NEVER get married again, but do get lonely and even horny at times.

I live in a senior residential community where the women outnumber the men by at least 6 to 1, and some of those men are married. Had my eye on a guy, cultivated his friendship, and suddenly he's infatuated with a woman 10 years younger than I.

"When you are just starting out it should be fun and pleasure, not a therapy session every time."

That sounds good, Aronia. Keep it light and fun. Light or deep, I want it to be relaxing (not too relaxing so there's no sexual tension or chemistry there, that it gets boring, but fairly relaxing), soothing to both our souls, no drama, heatache, torment, just a nice, easy, soothing thing...in our "inner sanctum", there should be peace.

I've got my eye on a Philippine honey who is maybe 8 years younger than I who tends bar at a golf course 2 buildings west of where I live! Like me, she is very busy, I know she is divorced, I don't see any new ring on her finger, and she has a young son to raise. She always smiles at me when I come there to get something to eat and drink and I feel very peaceful with her. She laughs at my jokes. Could be the tips (!).

I'm treading lightly, not only for me, but for her. She's been hurt before. I'm trying to figure out where her head and heart are at, without being at all probing; if she wants to tell me these things, she will. I'm just trying to be light and get her to laugh. Maybe she wants to remarry. Maybe, after her divorce, she's "been there, done that" and just wants to keep it light, have some fun, maybe have a fling here and there, or maybe just be friends and have family get-togethers occasionally. I don't know. I've heard the Asians are very family-oriented and very loyal to their mates. I love that and want to be the same, so I want to be sure. She told me she's free Wednesdays and Sundays. I found out she likes to play golf, as do I (!), so I invited her out to play some golf with me. She said she's very busy right now but in a few weeks, yes. Maybe I'll invite her to a movie instead, assuming she doesn't have to get a sitter for her son or grapple with bringing her son along and deal with her son possibly getting attached to me (ah, complications, eh?).

Either way, I want to make things easy, for her, for both of us, when both of our lives are anything but easy...

Thanks, gals and guys.

Getting back to ME, if I may be self-absorbed for a moment: I enjoy being alone SOME of the time, but not ALL of the time, I'm getting older and being alone is boring.

I've got a male buddy, but we can only get so close and intimate because (although we make sexual inuendos at times to exorcise our "flaming" tendencies; it's just an act and it's funny) we're same-sex and heterosexual. Anyway, one can only get so close physically with one's same-sex buddy if one is heterosexual. An opposite-sex relationship would seal the deal as far as being completely intimate with someone and I do enjoy being completely intimate with someone.

I hope you have some good luck!!!
After my divorce i briefly dated this guy ( i would NOT do this ever again, because i am in a totally different place mentally now than i ever was), but we met on-line and were both on a rebound. We did nothing but have fun, eat, drink and have sex. He loved grocery shopping with me so we would walk around together and argue about cooking. We did stupid crap and wasted our time together. We both knew it wasnt going to go anywhere and had no expectations. It was all today and now.
It was the easiest relationship i ever had. We recharged each other and uplifted our self esteems.

In the past, yes, I have been in a similar situation (both early in a relationship, and mid-way of a longer term relationship). I have also dated men, in both situations (they are busy early in a relationship, and not so busy until mid-way of a LTR). I have also been the less busy person in a relationship (but later became more busy), and dated people who were less busy too.

Ok, first off, Im assuming these are women youre meeting on the street, vs someone youre chatting with online (dating website). Which is slightly different, but not by a whole lot. Some of this you can more easily cut to the chase (depending how conversations happen-face to face, or messaging/ texting)

First off, early on, get an idea on their schedule (work/ kids/ interests/ whatever). When getting to know someone (romantically, or friendly chit chat), usually your line of work, the kid thing, and outside interests comes up pretty quickly.

Work/ kids, ask questions like, do you work the day shift/ night shift, do you work full-time/ part-time, do you have kids full-time, shared custody, etc to get an initial idea if your schedule are compatible. Work/ kids schedule less negotiable. If not compatible (you work opposite schedules, or whatever), I would just move on. Forget it. Not worth it.

Special outside interests (perhaps a little more negotiable of free time), find out how much time they spend doing that, what do you like to do in your free time?, how often do you do X?, is that something you do every day, every week,, when you dont do X, what else do you like to do? If they have no outside interest, chances are they expect you to fill in their free time (when no work/ no kids). If have a lot of outside interests (but no kids, dont work a lot of hours), this may or may not be negotiable (spending time with you).

Once you get a general idea on their schedule, it seems workable, try and find out what type of relationship they are looking for (long term, short term, monogamous, open / casual sex/ FWB, etc). Find out how much time, theyd like to spend with a significant other, face to face and communication. Ive found it easier to ask them their needs first, versus tell them my needs first. This avoids the situation of them tailoring their answer, to meet your needs (which usually doesnt work).

Ive had guys expect to meet 2-3 days/ week right from the start (I cant/ don't want that). Then daily after a couple months (again cant / don't want that, unless we live less than 10 minutes apart, or live together). Ive also dated guys who expect me talk text throughout the day (every day), again I cant/ don't want that (stresses me out, especially if/ when they get mad at me for not responding right away, because Im in the middle of something important-work/ kids/ me sick). I dont think their expectations are unreasonable, this just doesn't work for me (I feel chained to my cell phone, I remember a time before cell phones)/ think they would be better suited to find someone who wants the same thing they do (lots of people).

Hence I think it important to communicate schedule, your wants/ needs early, and get an idea on their wants/ needs early too. To ensure youre a good match.

For me, it's not just time, but the DESIRE. I don't have any desire to get into the long, compromising, constantly discussing, etc etc of a relationship.

I'm with ya there too, Justme. These "discussions", which are usually about communication misinterpretations, take a lot of energy, constantly having to explain ourselves, what we meant when we said "this" or "that".

I suppose a relationship would be beneficial to me, perhaps to all of us, in terms of improving my communication, the CHOICE of words I use, and using those words in kindness and patience rather than belligerence, which there is always room for improvement in. I get impatient and get bored with these long "processes".