Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
Hi! So last year was really one of the worst years of my life. My boyfriend of 5 years then (6 years now) became a Alcoholic. We were living together at the time and would hide his alcohol and sneak it out of the house on me. I finally found out and made him go to a doctor, but by this point it was really bad. We would fight all the time, and I did something for stupid to see if he would even notice, which he noticed for a few minutes and then left me be. He got a DUI in December. I watched him go through detox and got cussed out everyday he was. He went to rehab and was doing good. Not even a month out of rehab he started drinking again and hiding it from me once again. I found out again and moved out the next day. Right then and there I should have said it was over, but I love him and it was hard to say that. Things got worst from there. He kept on drinking and mixing pills. He went off the crazy train one day and ran away to go kill himself. He didn't he instead went and got help the next day. One of my text messages stop him. On our 6 year anniversary he was in a hospital about 2 to 3 hours away. He came home and I thought maybe now was the rock bottom. But of course not. He kept drinking and yes once again kept hiding it from me. I would ask him and he would lie straight to my face every time.
He is not drinking now and is getting some real help finally. He has Ptsd. And is getting help with that. That is the short version of my life last year. I am seeing someone to help me, since my trust is completely broke. I don't know if my trust will every be healed. I love this boy with all my heart. I have forgave him for what he as all put me through, but I can't forget. Right now it is very hard because this is when all the shit really started hitting the fan. I sometimes feel like I'm punishing him, which I probably am. I want to believe everything he is telling me now, buts its hard when you have heard it all before. Plus is really sucks since the holidays are coming upon us, because my family and friends aren't big fans of his. I just don't know what to do. Because I love him, but I don't know if I can really get over everything he put me through. I know I will never forget anything that happened, because everything replays in my head, not everyday or anything but it does a lot.
I'm just wondering if there is anyone who knows how I feel out there. Because sometimes I feel like I'm alone in this.
He is not drinking now and is getting some real help finally. He has Ptsd. And is getting help with that. That is the short version of my life last year. I am seeing someone to help me, since my trust is completely broke. I don't know if my trust will every be healed. I love this boy with all my heart. I have forgave him for what he as all put me through, but I can't forget. Right now it is very hard because this is when all the shit really started hitting the fan. I sometimes feel like I'm punishing him, which I probably am. I want to believe everything he is telling me now, buts its hard when you have heard it all before. Plus is really sucks since the holidays are coming upon us, because my family and friends aren't big fans of his. I just don't know what to do. Because I love him, but I don't know if I can really get over everything he put me through. I know I will never forget anything that happened, because everything replays in my head, not everyday or anything but it does a lot.
I'm just wondering if there is anyone who knows how I feel out there. Because sometimes I feel like I'm alone in this.
I don't think that you have really forgiven him.. I think when you forgive someone truly, you move on and get past the mistrust and emotional pain as well as retaliation.
I loved my mother, but I never forgave her because I just can't and I am OK with that.
If you can forgive him yet - it is OK! It is just not time yet. I think when you push yourself to evoke an emotion you are not ready to feel the conflict inside you will make it difficult to live .
One of the issues I had with my mother is that she had absolutely no reflection of what she did and how it made me feel, just like he may not have any memories of what he did to you.
It would probably be good if you can schedule a time during the week or every two weeks ( so you don't hammer him every day ) to sit down and have you tell him what hurts you and he has to listen.
If loves you, he has to do that to save your relationship , because you are doing your part - you stuck by a person who drained you emotionally with their addiction.
I understannhe has PTSD, but you didn't cause it and taking it out on you was not right.
I hope things work out for you and I am proud of you for being by his side and helping him through this.
It will be OK.
As far as famy goes - every person in this world makes bad choices when it comes to relationships except not everyone talks about it.
Don't tell your family your business if they can't handle it.
That's what good friends are for :-)
Can people change? Absolutely.
Is it an easy journey? Not based on the things I know about it.
Can you have a healthy relationship with someone that is chemically dependent? Only you can determine that.
You need to determine what you want in your future. Figure out if this man fits in with your goals. Ask yourself if you can move past the hurt and possibly trust him again. Is he willing to stop lying to you and commit to his sobriety? You have some difficult choices and discussions ahead of you. Good luck.
When someone relapses over and over, it's hard to let down your guard and trust wholly again. I completely understand. What I've learned is love won't fix him and only you can decide what your limits are.
There's a great board called Family and Friends of Addicts that has some great people that have been there and done that. Check them out and most importantly, please take care of your own health first.