Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
and now the ex is back in my life, wanting to hang out...occasionally. As if we didn't have enough in common 3 years ago, I began bicycling shortly after I broke up with her (to take my mind off her and get in better shape, both for my own health and to be functional for the next girl). Now I'm way, WAY more physical and aggressive than I was 3 years ago and find it impossible to simply relax with this woman in the comfort zone we used to enjoy and have in common, which I'd describe as conscious but one notch above comatose. I know what we used to enjoy is over, and my sexual advances toward her have been flagrantly brushed aside at this point; she simply wants to relax with me, which I'll do, but I desire for so much more from a woman at this point, so, with her kind permission, I'm looking elsewhere. Of course, if I meet someone new, I'll have to promptly end this association with my ex, because the new girl won't understand or appreciate it. Any of you in a similar situation?
Especially when there is no-one else involved.
.
I'm sure you know about that saying, "When one door closes, another one opens..." Close this door damn it! LOL
It sounds so frustrating for you and hurtful. If she's going on about finding a richer and blah, blah, blah, type of man, tell her to go find him and let you be. And you let you be to by cutting her lose.
What's the point in staying and playing games? What a waste of time.
If you hang out with her, how are you supposed to be open to other women at the same time? You're not - she's consuming your time and mental and emotional energy. So, you're not even freed up in those ways to find someone else and have a happier relationship.
I truly know what it's like to feel stuck. I have to see my ex because of our 21 month old daughter, and it's difficult because we're both still attracted to each other. So, I'm trying hard to keep things more structured and keep a distance that is comfortable for me. He wants to still do things together (with all of us together), and although I did this in the past, I can't do it anymore, because I'll never find someone if I'm giving him my time, mental space and energy. And same goes for you.
I hope this helps.
You've confirmed that this is just B.S./playing games and is wasting my emotional energy on her that should be allocated for someone more appropriate and appreciative. Rock on, folks!