It seems that we have to "make time" for both, some sensitive time and some masculine time.

I think that we have to be careful not to act or do anything we think will make them like or love us. When we start to do what we think they want from us, it all falls apart or does not last.
I have found the best thing for me is to be exactly whom I am. There are women that will find you atractive and exciting and others that will not, just the way you are.
Being a guy can be awefully hard if you try and make yourself into something your not. Never ever believe what the media would have you think they know what women want....they are great at misconceptions. Being a man is easy if you will just be you and get comfortable with it.

One thing I have learned, women want a man.

If they say they want a sensitive guy....

Cough!

I know I am probable way off your question...

But in recent years men have been getting feminized...and it has created total havoc in this society. I mean really metro sexual?
Nothing against gay men. But if you are gay be gay.....If you are a mans man be one.

Follow your gut, it will happen on its own. If she really likes you in the way that you need it will happen naturally.

Even though we are older it takes time to verify your feelings for someone we sometimes think we are running outta time. To get to know them and them you it just takes the time it takes.

I know blah blah. I guess what I am saying is it sounds like you are trying to rush things. Again maybe I am wrong.

Do what feels natural and you will do fine. But if you are doing something because you feel a push...back off for you own good.

Good luck....way to much coffee this morning..

I'm somewhere in the middle...sometimes I like to be very strong, independent and masculine, but have a warm, soft heart and need to be sweet sometimes too. I'm probably any woman's dream--if I could just combine the two. I guess start off with soft kissing, some cunninglus, then become "the bull", pummeling away at her for the final "inning" LOL.

Yeah, I agree--can't be TOO sensitive. If a woman wants a friend, she'll be friends with a gay man. When it comes to sex, a woman likes a man who is in touch with her feelings, yes, not a total selfish, obnoxious asshole, but a man who is strong and confident, knows what he likes about her and knows how to take what he wants. Sometimes I'm uncomfortable in that "man" place--I guess I need a woman to coax out a bit of my anger (in a healthy way, of course; I'd never hit a woman).

"I have found the best thing for me is to be exactly whom I am."

Probably the one statement I agree with most.

I think koolman's question really transcends gender, though. It sounds to me like you could rephrase the question like this: "to what extent do I have to sacrifice parts of myself for a relationship?" To which pgamble's statement, IMO, is the best answer.

IMO, the balancing act is not about masculine/feminine, it's about balancing appropriate and adequate outlets for who you are in your totality. You need time together in the relationship, you need time with your friends, you need time to pursue career and interests. It's a bonus when some of those things overlap with your partner.

As for the rest of the heterosexist comments about gay men, I can do without those. (BTW - wouldn't you think a "man's man" IS a gay man?)

I forgot to add that I think the balancing act applies to the emotional content of the relationship as well - and that pgamble has hit it on the head. Be yourself and who you are. You shouldn't have to second guess yourself about what someone else wants.

Pgamble has nailed it - Ya can't fake who your are to maintain a relationship - Be you - if the person can't take who you are then they are not the right person for you.

A wise person once told me "To fake is to be a snake"

And no one strives to be coupled with a snake.

Interesting, guys! I think I'm on the right track then! Sometimes I feel somehow that I'm "not enough" or that I'm "too much", but, I guess I should say "fuck it" and be who I am, but try to listen to the other as well.

Sometimes we all get too wrapped up in our own shit to realize that the answer is so simple and it's right in front of us in the form of the one we love, just talking with and listening to them.

"it's right in front of us in the form of the one we love, just talking with and listening to them."

Yes, exactly. I think everyone wants to feel that they've been heard and understood. So long as that IS a part of your relationship and that it IS a two-way street... then the blend of fem/masc is a non-issue (IMO).

In some ways I wonder if that's a little easier to manage in a same-sex relationship, simply because the stereotypical gender roles don't easily apply... so we end up making it up as we go. Which is why I hate it so much when less-enlightened acquaintances asks us "which one is the wife?" Doesn't work that way. You adopt the roles you must as the need arises. And isn't that what you're saying koolman with the statement I quoted above?

Which statement, fiddler (you quoted several)?

sorry - not clear :p

this one:

"it's right in front of us in the form of the one we love, just talking with and listening to them."

Oh. Thanks, dude. Yeah, it's true. Sometimes it's just a matter of calming the clutter of our minds and listening with our hearts.