Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
My mother-in-law is controlling. That's just how she is. She thinks she's right and knows best and that everyone else is entitled to her opinion. She has good manners, though. Problem is, though my husband is now 37 years old, she takes the liberty to boss, scold and lecture him about whatever she wants. At thedinner table, when my husband was finished with his soup, he put the spoon in the bowl and pushed the bowl to the side. Incensed, she scolded him saying, "NEVER leave your spoon in the bowl when you are done. ALWAYS put the spoon on the dish the bowl is on!" then she put the spoon on the dish. After the little outburst, he gently picked up the spoon and placed it back in the bowl. She snapped, Put that spoon on the dish, NOW!". My husband said, "No.". And there ensued a butting of heads with the two of us pointing out the fact that he is an adult now and should be responsible (I said"in control") of his own behavior, but she wasn't buying it. She doesn't seem to understand that he's not a child anymore. She backseat drives. She disciplines our children in ways we disagree with. Even my children seem to think she's the boss of us all. Now she wants to have a "family conference" regarding our expectations of one another. I want her to go away, frankly, but as long as she's here, We might as well figure out what our family rules are and what our roles are in it. If she wants to be a disciplinarian, then I think she should go along with our methods or tell us and let us handle it. What would you do? What would you say at the "conference?"
I simply told her that now that I have grown she needs to change her perception of me and view me as her friend, not simply her daughter. Our relaionship has evolved.
My mother was a little controlling (suffocating) so i told her that if she can not learn to be my friend and treat me as such (stop telling me off and 'babying' me), I would have no choice but to move her from my inner circle to my outer circle of friends.
I can't hang out with controlling people. however, I do agree that if you are in her house...you need to play by her rules
In my case, my husband's gramma is the devil incarnate. LoL She is a controlling, rude, know it all. Neal was bound up whenever he had to go over to their house. He loves his grandpa alot. He loves her too, but she is just so difficult to deal with. I feel dirty after any contact with her. She makes me and him feel bad about ourselves. And I wouldn't say that either of us has particularly low self esteem. But, she can't help the way she is and, at eighty some years old, we don't expect her to change.
I am grateful for the fact that Neal decided, on his own, to cut of contact with his gramma. He misses his grandfather, but I think he made the right decision. He is so much more pleasant to be around now that he doesn't have to deal with her. She calls every once and a while but he doesn't return her calls. Eventually, she will get the message.
Good luck at the conference. I'm glad for you that you are able to speak your mind to her. People like that can be intimidating, but you and your hubby seem capable of standing up to her. That's great!