Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
I've been engaged for three months and my fiance moved in with me shortly after our engagement. A month ago, I was laid off and I've been really struggling emotionally as of late. I understand I'm difficult to be around, and he's told me that too. I agree with it, but I've slipped into a depressive episode (I'm prone to those when I go through traumatic events) and we just had a blow up fight about it.
He says he's aware of my depression, but instead of trying to get me out of the house and do fun things to take my mind off of feeling low or giving me uplifting pep talks other than "just be positive", he gets mad at me and frustrated. He used to be fairly affectionate until recently and when I confronted him about it today he told me he doesn't want to be affectionate with me all the time because we are next to eachother everyday. I'm getting the feeling he's slipping away, but refuses to leave me. I'm divorced and in my marriage my ex started to pull away too.
I've tried to break things off with my fiance but he won't allow it. He also has a drinking problem that I've been leery of and recently started telling myself I don't want to deal with that.
I just needed to get this off of my chest because I'm hurt and this isn't the first time I've questioned him as a person. Oh, and he told me I suck as a person right now because I told him I felt like we aren't good together.
I'm lucky that I have very supportive friends and family.
-
Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
-
Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
Dumping the chump before it gets too complicated might be the way to go with your fiancee but building outside support networks worked/works better for my husband and I. We still have our ups and downs but our individual support networks give us allot of alternatives to the traditional break-up dramas..
Just my approach. . .
Gentle support while you find what works for you, LIONESS.
Your life, your decision, your responsibility to carry out your decision, regardless how diffucult it may seem.
Have you told him what you want from him when your down though? Perhaps he just doesn’t get it... practice asseriveness state what you want n how this is making you feel n maybe give him chance to be that guy for you!
When I get anxiety I can be a bitch to him or clighy as well as I can be very emotional at times. But I love him to pieces and will do anything for him and when I've gotting nasty to him. I end up crying then hugging then kissing him after I yell him I love him.
He don't tell me nasty things.if anything he'll say it'll be ok.as far as affection goes he knows I need to be able to receive and I need to be able to give him affection by being able to cuddle him at night hug and kiss him and be able to have sex once a week.
Unfortunately the honey moon phase dies out at some point but bono reason to be treated like shit
See if he will get counseling, or will he go to AA, or does he have any desire to quit drinking? It does not appear you two are a good match, but only you know that, You do need a supportive partner. Think about it - if he is like this now, how do you think he will be as a husband, father to your kids, etc? You said you want to break things off, and so I think you should. Things are not going to magically get any better with the way you two are going.
He’s not the only problem though. You seem to blame him for your feelings. He shouldn’t have to get you out of the house. You can do that for yourself. He’s not responsible for emotional state. You are.
No one can make you do anything. He doesn’t make you stay; staying is your choice.
Listen when my now husband and I bought out home we had not known each other long. We moved really fast in our relationship and were together in our home only after 6 months of knowing other. After a month in our new home he was downsized. The economy was in the toilet then and he was unemployed for 18 months. I carried the bulk of the financial load; he did all the stuff around the house. But he was starting to get depressed. So I’m stressed and he’s depressed. It takes a tremendous amount of will, respect for each other and the relationship, and compassion on both people’s part to not let that eat away at your relationship. You have to always put your big girl or big boy pants on and just suck it up that not everyone is going to be perfect in that situation. What I learned from that experience is if you can get through that you can probably get through anything. But, had my partner been an alcoholic and or if he had been moody and needing me to manage his moods and feelings so he could feel better about himself, sorry there is no effing way I would have hung in there. Both people have to be solid and strong.
Don’t marry this person if you already have issues in the relationship. Find a job, get your head on straight and live free of being an alcoholics wife. That rarely works out.
Red flags are HUGE if you're talking about addiction ? …… I would ask yourself why you would want to start a life with an active ? addict... It's a recipe for disaster … It will only get worse over time unless he willing to get help
I would work with your doctor to find stability and really rethink this relationship
He can't make decisions for you....
Big hug.....xo