Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
Hi,
I am 63 yrs young. I have been going out with this wonderful and beautiful 64 yrs young women, who is kind, giving and so nice to me.
However, I want to be with my friends once in awhile like once a week, to watch football at his house. He is married, and him and his wife used to be my neighbors, and I known them for over twenty years. Them and their whole family. Another friend also joins us (single guy, my friend as well).
She thinks I am being obsessive about this, and I really think that's way overstated, and then she asked about baseball, etc. She doesn't like sports. I won't be getting together to watch baseball, basketball etc, unless it was something special like in the playoffs etc. I don't go to events etc. I have lots of friends but I understand she is important to me, but enjoy my friends as well.
This week like many, I spent Thu, Fri, Sat, & Sun morning, until she kicked me out of her house telling me the relationship is over since I care more about football and my friends than her. Last nite we enjoyed a wonderful dinner out, and then went back to her house since she was tired to watch a movie at her house. I asked her if she was going to visit her Mom, and she said she said she wasn't sure, then I said, I want to watch the Bears with my old neighborhood friends. BOOM!!!
The same thing happen last week etc, she didn't kick me out but promised she was going to be busy all next week, which she relented on that.
I thought having friends and other outlets is healthy. I go to work everyday driving 24 miles each way, and I am usually with her 3-4 days a week. I like to see my friends especially at this stage of my life, and I really care and love her, but feeling trapped, but want to work this out but she just seems to want to end it, without anyone compromise.
I been married once for 34 yrs and recently divorced 2 yrs ago. She been married once, but divorced 22 years ago. She has had more than a few boyfriends before me obviously. She is really a nice person but when I asked her when I should she my friends and under what the condition, she said I just don't get it! So, she is thinking things over.
As mentioned she is very nice, and honest, and honorable, (I am as well) but it seems like , as I am looking at it, she is someone who wants a relationship but draws lines in the sand. I have to think if she wanted to, many guys wanted to stay with her but she got rid of them and sometimes regrets that.
She told me today, that we are not on the same page but I know she loves me, but wants everything her way, yet, really she is not demanding as far as buy me this, or that and do this and that for me. She worries a lot and wants to know I listen, and I do, but sometimes I do forget, but its not real important things, but I know, to her its huge. It could be about remembering a conversation about her girlfriend, for example. I am lucky I remember why I went to the garage. No I am not forgetful and remember key dates etc, but like most, I am not remembering everything.
Any ideas. Oh, she has threaten to leave before, about 5-6 times. The 1st time, it was all my fault, since we pledged to be exclusive, and I was still looking on a dating site although I didn't contact anyone, nor had my picture up. I was very wrong, ashamed and felt stupid, and I corrected that, and I am off, and been off. I was so sorry for that. So, maybe she feels insecure because of that. That was 3 months ago.
Thanks
I am 63 yrs young. I have been going out with this wonderful and beautiful 64 yrs young women, who is kind, giving and so nice to me.
However, I want to be with my friends once in awhile like once a week, to watch football at his house. He is married, and him and his wife used to be my neighbors, and I known them for over twenty years. Them and their whole family. Another friend also joins us (single guy, my friend as well).
She thinks I am being obsessive about this, and I really think that's way overstated, and then she asked about baseball, etc. She doesn't like sports. I won't be getting together to watch baseball, basketball etc, unless it was something special like in the playoffs etc. I don't go to events etc. I have lots of friends but I understand she is important to me, but enjoy my friends as well.
This week like many, I spent Thu, Fri, Sat, & Sun morning, until she kicked me out of her house telling me the relationship is over since I care more about football and my friends than her. Last nite we enjoyed a wonderful dinner out, and then went back to her house since she was tired to watch a movie at her house. I asked her if she was going to visit her Mom, and she said she said she wasn't sure, then I said, I want to watch the Bears with my old neighborhood friends. BOOM!!!
The same thing happen last week etc, she didn't kick me out but promised she was going to be busy all next week, which she relented on that.
I thought having friends and other outlets is healthy. I go to work everyday driving 24 miles each way, and I am usually with her 3-4 days a week. I like to see my friends especially at this stage of my life, and I really care and love her, but feeling trapped, but want to work this out but she just seems to want to end it, without anyone compromise.
I been married once for 34 yrs and recently divorced 2 yrs ago. She been married once, but divorced 22 years ago. She has had more than a few boyfriends before me obviously. She is really a nice person but when I asked her when I should she my friends and under what the condition, she said I just don't get it! So, she is thinking things over.
As mentioned she is very nice, and honest, and honorable, (I am as well) but it seems like , as I am looking at it, she is someone who wants a relationship but draws lines in the sand. I have to think if she wanted to, many guys wanted to stay with her but she got rid of them and sometimes regrets that.
She told me today, that we are not on the same page but I know she loves me, but wants everything her way, yet, really she is not demanding as far as buy me this, or that and do this and that for me. She worries a lot and wants to know I listen, and I do, but sometimes I do forget, but its not real important things, but I know, to her its huge. It could be about remembering a conversation about her girlfriend, for example. I am lucky I remember why I went to the garage. No I am not forgetful and remember key dates etc, but like most, I am not remembering everything.
Any ideas. Oh, she has threaten to leave before, about 5-6 times. The 1st time, it was all my fault, since we pledged to be exclusive, and I was still looking on a dating site although I didn't contact anyone, nor had my picture up. I was very wrong, ashamed and felt stupid, and I corrected that, and I am off, and been off. I was so sorry for that. So, maybe she feels insecure because of that. That was 3 months ago.
Thanks
Threats to end a relationship to win on an issue are red flags of her immaturity, manipulation and bullying.
DO NOT reward her immaturity, manipulation and bullying by doing under duress what she wants instead of what you want.
Rewarding that behavior will only encourage her to employ it in future conflicts.
I would dump her, if I were in the same situation but that's just me.
aweful possessive
Go to your friends and have fun.
She is being unreasonable about this. You are right - having other friends and outlets IS what is healthy. Feeling trapped is no way to live in a relationship, its a sign that you two are not right for eachother, regardless of how many other wonderful qualities she exudes.
It will only get worse if you let it continue.