Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

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TBIRD60 12/09/2012

Hi, This sounds crazy and maybe a bit insecure on my part, but my girlfriend got a facelift. I thought she looked beautiful before it. Told her she doesn't need it. She didn't. She is 60, and really didn't need it, but now my insecurities are kicking in and wondering why she wanted to do it. I know, its her face and body, we been going out over a year, and had and on/off again relationship due to some off her mood swings, but things have been good the last couple of months. I always been there for her. she told me she had some other work done before I met her. (I won't go into those) I mean I know women want to look good for themselves (It not about us) but I feel this is a bit obessive, and now, feeling like she wants to make her self more attractive. Yes, I feel a bit threaten by this, since as mentioned she was pretty before, and told her so many times.

So, the problem is mostly with me, as she told me she loves me (It's only 3 day into her recovery) Won't let me see her though I want to help, but I understand her point not feeling well or looking good.

She had eye lift and she said Facial Laser, yet she has a tough time talking , and that sounds more like lower facial lift (neck/chin) .

Any advice for me, as honest as maybe will be welcome. ths

Aronia 12/09/2012

Some people ( men and women) have an issue with aging and everything that comes with it. People fight it in any way they can. It is possible that this is her way of dealing with it and is in no way a reflection on you.
Some people have a problem with their body image all their lives but are unable to afford plastic surgery until later in life, because of all other financial obligations that come first.
You can tell someone all the time how beautiful they look but it will never sink in until this person learns to feel beautiful on their own.
Maybe this is just her way.
The only thing I can suggest is that you continue to be supportive of her and don't take her request for privacy when it comes to her medical issues to be something personal against you.

TBIRD60 12/09/2012

Thanks, I think you are 100% on beam. I just got a bit shakey, and maybe that's a natural knee jerk reaction. I feeling much stronger, and still very supportive of her, and will be.

deleted_user 12/10/2012

I wouldn't take it so personally. Women freak about aging; I am 47 and I thought of getting one. (thank god I didn't since I would've probably ended up looking weird).

There is a lot of pressure nowadays to look eternally young. Just stand by her and reassure her a lot so that her insecurity doesn't get the best of her.

TBIRD60 12/10/2012

Another good reply. yes I'lldo that. She doesn't want me to see her all black and blue now but , I am sure its not pretty, but I don't really care, but she does, and so, I will honor her request but if it's love I feel both need to see each other in sickness or sometimes at their worst, but even as I say that, I pause myself. Little vanity there so, yep, I understand. Ths!

deleted_user 12/10/2012

She doesn't seem to like herself very much. She is trying to fix her self esteem and trying to validate herself through what other people think of her,including you. Try to not feel threatened, just tell her how beautiful she is as you have done already. She needs to find peace within herself. I am in my late fifties,a little overweight ,no wrinkles yet but other problem areas. I feel like I had my time with having a great body and beauty. I have two daughters and five granddaughters along with five grandsons. It's all,their time. Other than not wanting to leave this earth yet,I am enjoying my life and refuse to fall into that trap of always wanting to look young. I'm not. I had my moments though in my late forties. We all do. She will find her peace too. Your a good man for standing by her.

onetoomany 12/11/2012

As the others already said don't take it personal.
I am 48 and get told all the time that I look really young.
However I see some age on my neck and would LOVE to get something done about it and I will when I turn 50.
haha!
Yes I do agree society puts a lot on women to look forever young.

Send her a bouquet of flowers!

deleted_user 12/11/2012

Yes, flowers is a great idea. Romantic and yet she doesn't have to worry about you seeing her when she's recovering.

And you have a great attitude, Tbird. The only caveat I'd say is to watch to see if she obsesses or starts to get compulsive about it. Once or twice is ok, but you don't want her to get all Micheal Jackson on you. Most people don't, but if there are deep-seated issues, they can get like that.

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