Healthy Relationships Support Group
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HI,
I am 62 years old. Not a teenager. My hair length (luckily I have hair) is little shorter than medium length. It does not even cover my ears etc.
The problem is my long term girlfriend is demanding I get my hair cut at a barber shop, or better she wants it styled etc, and I said I don't have to money to go to a stylistic etc. Hey I am 62, and not running a huge compnay etc. . Yes, I cut my own hair, and I think it looks good and neat, but she doesn't like it, and wants it more trimmed etc, or whatever.
This is a deal breaker for her. She said if I can't do this for her, then we probably don't have a future. I have done many things for her, and love her, but I see this as controlling, and then again, I also see it;s nothing for me to go to barber shop etc, though they never do it exactly right.
Anyway, she is really upset over this. She has been known to be controlling in other ways, but that seemed to subsided a bit. We have broken off, because of her demands before.
So, I am kinda looking at it more than hair. I mean, there are needs, and desries. If she said I really wish you go to a barber, I like it much better etc, you look some much better etc, but this is a need that she has to have. She even told me I look more manly etc, if I got it cut. Love that!!
Thanks
I am 62 years old. Not a teenager. My hair length (luckily I have hair) is little shorter than medium length. It does not even cover my ears etc.
The problem is my long term girlfriend is demanding I get my hair cut at a barber shop, or better she wants it styled etc, and I said I don't have to money to go to a stylistic etc. Hey I am 62, and not running a huge compnay etc. . Yes, I cut my own hair, and I think it looks good and neat, but she doesn't like it, and wants it more trimmed etc, or whatever.
This is a deal breaker for her. She said if I can't do this for her, then we probably don't have a future. I have done many things for her, and love her, but I see this as controlling, and then again, I also see it;s nothing for me to go to barber shop etc, though they never do it exactly right.
Anyway, she is really upset over this. She has been known to be controlling in other ways, but that seemed to subsided a bit. We have broken off, because of her demands before.
So, I am kinda looking at it more than hair. I mean, there are needs, and desries. If she said I really wish you go to a barber, I like it much better etc, you look some much better etc, but this is a need that she has to have. She even told me I look more manly etc, if I got it cut. Love that!!
Thanks
It's your hair, you get to have your hair how you want to have it. If she's going to dump you because of your hair, I'd be telling her don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.
Yeah, I see it as more than just hair too. Seems strange.
I would tell her that if she demands this then that is a deal breaker for you!!
Personally I like longer hair on men....but you should wear your hair the way YOU like it.
It sounds like this IS about more than just hair- but the hair issue is probably the last straw.
Hair cuts really aren't that expensive- pretty sure it's less than $20. My H had long hair and I did want him to get a hair cut to neaten up but it wasn't a big issue for us. I didn't demand he do it and I didn't bug him about it- so long as it was CLEAN I was OK with it. He decided one day to get it cut and I was happy and he looked really good but I was also PO'd at the guy who did it because he went way shorter than we had asked him too, so I'd say it looked great after about two weeks of regrowing lol .
The problem is the whole demanding thing, how would she feel if you demanded that she change something about her hair? Saying it's a deal breaker- well you have feelings too and it is YOUR hair and I am not a big fan of demands or ultimatums unless it's something like "if you don't stop smoking crack I am leaving"
I'd go out and get a great new hair cut, buy a nice new shirt, maybe even get a manicure then show her how great you look and say " see ya later, I'm taking my fine looking self out to find someone who really appreciates me for me!"
Just use a one-time price $30 clippers and do the "styling" yourself. If she doesn't like it, she's the one who's got to go.
My ex, that i was with for 10 yrs, had long hair for most of the time.
I HATED it. I loved him, but HATED his hair. In fact, it turned me off. Yea. During sweaty sex if his soaking wet hair slapped me in the fact I was instantly turned off.
Asking him to cut it was a big deal. I told him he would be hotter. He didn;t believe me and saw me as controlling. But i just wanted to run my fricking fingers thru his hair! and I couldn't with the long hair.
He loved it. I let him have it. Not 'let' exactly. He choose to. Not REALLY my place. It's his body.
But then he did cut it. For a job.
Not for me. For 'the man.' :(
But he looked AMAZING! he got hit on like crazy. I was proud of him in a way i never was before. He was sooooooo HOT with short hair. I was right. It was a turn on. And actually put the flair and hotness and passion back into the relationship for some time.
I had never been so turned on by him as I was during that time.
So, well, it's all about your life preferences. do you want her to want you like that?
A hair cut is easy and 8 bucks at some places! You can always TRY It...and THAT would be meaningful in itself.
Are you stuck in some old ways? Is there room for improvement in your relationship. Changing little ways might bring you closer. Or if you truly resent change..then it might drive you apart.
Everything is worth a shot... if you think she is!
Or keep it. Stay exactly the same. Most people fear change and that is the driving factor to NOT CHANGE.
But is she is just a bitch....and you don't care...well i don't think you would be on this board asking then.
SO, she said for her Christmas present I should have it cut. I was ok with that, until she told me how I can't even make her happy by doing this one little thing, and then the comment about how I can't even please her on one thing and questions or future.
thanks for the comments, and I think you are all right. It's not the point if I do or don't it's her atitude about us.
The communication should be done in a very non-threatening way. Say, this is not about hair, so please let's not concentrate on that. I need you to understand your need for demands (whatever the size) is getting in the way of mine, and our overall happiness... how can we get through this together? By approaching her in a very stable and sincere way then hopefully she wont resort to low blows or bring in immature or excuses into the mix. If she does you can use those as examples as to why it's hard for you to build trust with her, and let her know what you're hoping to get out of the relationship and put this nonsense behind you (i.e. hoping you have someone who is emotionally stable, who you know will support you, nurture you, love you and be sensitive to your overall wants and needs). Hopefully this "hairy situation" will evolve into a conversation long over due...one about boundaries, mutual respect and expectations from one another.
Good luck! :)
That's all I have to say to that.