Healthy Relationships Support Group
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My girlfriend spends almost everyday with me. we live together, she's in school and works. She texts guys back and forth... Its not even that bad.
I'm talking 2-5 texts per day, a couple times a week. ( However, this is only when I notice it.)
I can't help but feel angry, jealous... ect. It gets me very very very Upset and angry. We have never yelled , -never- and the 1-3 small fights we've had since being together weren't huge, screaming.. ect.
I'm a laid back guy, but these text haunt me. I can probably say in the last 8 months... 5-8 times theres a random text at 1-3am from a guy.... lets say 5 times.... 30 days times 8 months. 240 days, and only 5-6 days right? Well... most of them have been lately. Even when I tell her it really bothers me.
It wakes me up at 1am.. then i don't sleep until 5 and I am very angry.
She says she can't control who texts her, and she promises to put her phone on silent, but always seems to forget lol.
Am I asking for two much, am I out of line? She's a good girl... but shes 20... Im sure she wants to flirt around ect... College girl, im her 2nd relationship over 6 months ha ha... Sad huh? To think we have a decent shot of being together forever. truth is... it's pretty small.
I don't trust other guys... its not that I don't trust her.
I don't do any of that. I kind of want to start hanging out with my friends more, and -have some girls, that are just frieds)
Not to get back at her... but to maybe show her what I feel?
I don't know. The last week has been great. We have been getting along better than ever before. But the texts here and there bother me.
What do you guys think? And is there anything I can do to -work- on my jealousy.
It's sad... but since we've been together she might have said 1 thing nice about me on facebook... and for some silly reason why she posts... "Guy from face off, you are very cute, we should hang out"
It kind of makes me think she is a bit ch, and kinda insulted by it all.
I dont tell her thats how I feel, I just make a joke our of it...
Meh...
I'm talking 2-5 texts per day, a couple times a week. ( However, this is only when I notice it.)
I can't help but feel angry, jealous... ect. It gets me very very very Upset and angry. We have never yelled , -never- and the 1-3 small fights we've had since being together weren't huge, screaming.. ect.
I'm a laid back guy, but these text haunt me. I can probably say in the last 8 months... 5-8 times theres a random text at 1-3am from a guy.... lets say 5 times.... 30 days times 8 months. 240 days, and only 5-6 days right? Well... most of them have been lately. Even when I tell her it really bothers me.
It wakes me up at 1am.. then i don't sleep until 5 and I am very angry.
She says she can't control who texts her, and she promises to put her phone on silent, but always seems to forget lol.
Am I asking for two much, am I out of line? She's a good girl... but shes 20... Im sure she wants to flirt around ect... College girl, im her 2nd relationship over 6 months ha ha... Sad huh? To think we have a decent shot of being together forever. truth is... it's pretty small.
I don't trust other guys... its not that I don't trust her.
I don't do any of that. I kind of want to start hanging out with my friends more, and -have some girls, that are just frieds)
Not to get back at her... but to maybe show her what I feel?
I don't know. The last week has been great. We have been getting along better than ever before. But the texts here and there bother me.
What do you guys think? And is there anything I can do to -work- on my jealousy.
It's sad... but since we've been together she might have said 1 thing nice about me on facebook... and for some silly reason why she posts... "Guy from face off, you are very cute, we should hang out"
It kind of makes me think she is a bit ch, and kinda insulted by it all.
I dont tell her thats how I feel, I just make a joke our of it...
Meh...
It's not like he doesn't get jealous, but he loves me and trusts me enough to not be worried that I'm talking to or seeing anyone else.
I can assure you that she is just talking and that she is just friends with these people. and the whole facebook thing makes me think shes alot like me. I don't care to blab all over facebook about my relationship. its cute for the first week or so then its just not a point to do it. And the message about the guys being cute is a joke. its not like shes being serious about the whole thing.
if you need anything, you can always message me.
Ready?
A friend tells you about his problems with his girlfriend. He tells you that:
She goes to parties that her boyfriend is not invited to from 10pm to 3am. She puts hours of prep into looking good for these parties. When she goes out with her boyfriend, she makes no effort to look good.
She went out of state for a week, got drunk every night, and sent her boyfriend a drunken text at 2am with the words "doggy style" When asked about it, she giggled in a weird manner, and then stated she could not remember what it was about.
She came home from this trip, and afterward would not have sex with or even kiss her boyfriend.
She is texting with men at all hours of the night.
In her priority list, her friends rank #3, her boyfriend ranks a lowly #5.
What kind of advice would you give her boyfriend?
(To anyone reading, all of those came from zilwan's posts over the last two months.)
To me these are the things you both have to work on and start taking the actions to try the new changes. It is the only way to know if things can be worked out. The last thing you want is to feel unhappy and lie about your feelings just to avoid an argument. You also do not want to fall into the situations where you feel she is lying to you. As for texting all these other guys well again boundaries should be set. I can only say it sounds a bit extreme to me that she needs to text that much from what I have read so far in your post.
Anyway try the communication and compromises and see how things go. Hoping things can be worked out for both of you:)
I don't think it's the texts that are really bothering you-- it's that you're maybe feeling concern that she's showing that she's not that into you.
Where are you on her priorities?
I think that if you really felt 100% secure in knowing where you stand with her, you'd be fine with her texting as much as she likes, if it's making her happy and isn't getting in the way of your relationship.
just a thought
T
Thinking about it all the time will drive you nuts! DO NOT try and get back at her because those 1-3 small fights without screaming will end up worse.
I am telling you exactly how it happened.
I said, Who's we?
GF " Oh I ment the class"
Me" Oh, are any of your friends in this class?"
GF " oh, uhh erin, kristen, and vance,but he sits in the back of the class we never talk, and coincidentally we saw each other at tim hortons but he was leaving when I got there."
(now this part was pretty fast, without really taking a breath)
I felt sick.. like she was pure fear... or afraid. Am I intiminating? Anyways... I could not sleep, so around 1am I woke her up. And told her I couldn't sleep because of her. And that she was acting very weird and I wanted to know what was going on. I told her I don't want to deal with this bs anymore.
She told me she acted like that because she was afraid I'd make a big deal out of him being in my class. (However, she already told me he was in her class.. just not which one)
Im only her 2nd person she's been with.. and she seems like that girl who would be loyal, her family is great.. but she acts weird.
She then didnt talk to me for a day and told me to apologize for waking her up?
I promise I wont drag this on anymore! But please please tell me what your gut feeling is? It is very hard for me to break up with someone. I dont want to make a mistake you know? I love a lot about her. but I feel like before she treated me bad. It seems like she is trying a little to improve.
I just cant believe she is mad at me? And she has never apologized for any of that crap shes done to me.
Do you think she really was nervous about me making a big deal out of that? Or do you think that's bs? ughajdgklngksd
From my point of view, she might might just not want to upset you with this other guy being in her class and then seeing him. Especially if she knows you're going to get upset about it.
The 2am texts I would be upset about. She can't really control that but if you express to her that you don't like it, then she should tell these people to stop. But if she is sitting with you and gets these texts and doesn't hide them, then you have nothing to fear. IT's when she's getting up to answer them, or hiding her phone. Then be concerned.
You worry so much about her behaviors, that I have to wonder if you gain anything positive from being with her.
You are responsible for your emotions. She may be doing things that you find intolerable, but you choose how to react to them.
You can continue to obsess which will surely drive a wedge deeper between you, let your feelings go and accept what you get from her at face value, or you can decide to leave.
Which action will be healthier for you in the long run? Do you see the two of you as being truly compatible and having the same goals in life?
Previously I pointed out things that you have posted and asked what you would advise a friend if he told you that those things were happening to him.
So, what would you tell your friend?
Point is, make your OWN guy-pal friends and stop relying on this ONE relationship with this ONE woman for your very core survival!
Also, if I may thump the Bible here for a moment, please crack open the Great Book and really let the words sink in. Lot of love (and strength) in the word of God.
The words really help me, make sense of my own fickle emotions and present some really strong, solid concepts. Still not sure where I stand on the "Jesus died so our souls could be saved" scenario; the concept of slaying the sacrificial lamb as a "gift", an "offering", in lieu of daily animal sacrifices, to absolve us of our sins, stings of meanness, not love, and I don't think God is mean, but there is something to be said of living in the spirit versus dying in the flesh. The words make sense. IF it's true, and Jesus did in fact give himself up for us, he did so out of complete and absolute love for us, and then I think the least we can do is love him back! With all our hearts, and all our minds! Pursue the words in the Bible, with all your heart and all your intellect. You're clearly sharp at such a young age. I think you're just looking for something that doesn't (always) exist in the flesh.
In early recovery I was on a date and mentioned I was in recovery. The girl said, "Well, this is our last date then". I said; "Why?"
She responded: "You guys don't have relationships with women, you guys take hostages."
I never saw her again.
I guess I was rather selfish and peranoid.