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Hi, So my GF cousin wedding was yesterday. We been dating over a year. I met her Mom several times and she is very nice We get aong well. She is 86, I am 64 and very active and healthy.
Anyway, I sat next to at the table, and we had a nice dinner conversation. Later the band started and my GF and I danced a lot.
Now my GF's two brothers were also there. One 49 the other 66. So during the evenning my GF asked me if I would dance with her Mom I should have, but I felt a bit uncomfortable. I mean I like to dance but most times, won't even dance with my college rommates wives whom I known for years, unless they drag me out there, or we are all out together.
Just something stupid I know.
So anyway neither sons ask the mother to dance as well. Now I am feeling like I'll be goodie two shoes and make the brothers look bad, but as mentioned, that wasn't my main reason. Just being honest.
So, the night ends, I go back to my GF house, everything is wonderful, we had fun. I am texting her at work, telling her she looked beautiful, which she did, and sent her the pictures I took. She in a good mood but tired.
By the way, I very social otherwise and got along with everyone etc. I did dance up a storm with only my GF.
Then later this afternoon she finds out that her Mom left the wedding crying. I am not sure of the reason, but now I am getting blamed by my GF. that is about dancing. I don't know for sure.
I did mentioned the fact that her 2 brothers didn't dance with her, but nows she saying I asked YOU! Now she saying things like I treat her badly (she talking about herself) which I don't. I don't yell and just like to have fun, and do many things for her. I am kind and considerate in most cases, and can tell you if she even acted like she wanted to dance or was out there, I would have danced with her.
Anyway added note, my GF want to see more of me, but I see her like 4 times a week and I work , and travel 50 miles round trip so I do need a little time at my Townhouse.
Anway, I stated my case, which was, I am so sorry she feels this way, and sorry that her Mom cried. Next time I will dance with her, but I didn't see this as a big deal at the time. I mean it wasn't like I refused her or was asked in front of her. In fact I did tell my GF politlely not to force me into that kind of situation.
So my take is this. I agree, I should have dance with her, to satisfy my GF wishes. It was stupid not to in retrospect. Opportunity missed, but I don't see how I am repsonsible for her mother's sadness, if it's truly about not dancing since she had her sons there as well, and I know if my Mom, non deceased, was sitting there, I would asked her.
THOUGHTS!
Anyway, I sat next to at the table, and we had a nice dinner conversation. Later the band started and my GF and I danced a lot.
Now my GF's two brothers were also there. One 49 the other 66. So during the evenning my GF asked me if I would dance with her Mom I should have, but I felt a bit uncomfortable. I mean I like to dance but most times, won't even dance with my college rommates wives whom I known for years, unless they drag me out there, or we are all out together.
Just something stupid I know.
So anyway neither sons ask the mother to dance as well. Now I am feeling like I'll be goodie two shoes and make the brothers look bad, but as mentioned, that wasn't my main reason. Just being honest.
So, the night ends, I go back to my GF house, everything is wonderful, we had fun. I am texting her at work, telling her she looked beautiful, which she did, and sent her the pictures I took. She in a good mood but tired.
By the way, I very social otherwise and got along with everyone etc. I did dance up a storm with only my GF.
Then later this afternoon she finds out that her Mom left the wedding crying. I am not sure of the reason, but now I am getting blamed by my GF. that is about dancing. I don't know for sure.
I did mentioned the fact that her 2 brothers didn't dance with her, but nows she saying I asked YOU! Now she saying things like I treat her badly (she talking about herself) which I don't. I don't yell and just like to have fun, and do many things for her. I am kind and considerate in most cases, and can tell you if she even acted like she wanted to dance or was out there, I would have danced with her.
Anyway added note, my GF want to see more of me, but I see her like 4 times a week and I work , and travel 50 miles round trip so I do need a little time at my Townhouse.
Anway, I stated my case, which was, I am so sorry she feels this way, and sorry that her Mom cried. Next time I will dance with her, but I didn't see this as a big deal at the time. I mean it wasn't like I refused her or was asked in front of her. In fact I did tell my GF politlely not to force me into that kind of situation.
So my take is this. I agree, I should have dance with her, to satisfy my GF wishes. It was stupid not to in retrospect. Opportunity missed, but I don't see how I am repsonsible for her mother's sadness, if it's truly about not dancing since she had her sons there as well, and I know if my Mom, non deceased, was sitting there, I would asked her.
THOUGHTS!
I believe I did like I presented here. I can see where she might be disappointed but not blame me for her mother sadness if its that. I think if my Mom wanted to dance, and one of her boys didn't ask her, I think she be upset over that rather than a boyfriend of her daughter.
We text back and forth, but I am going to call her, but she started down this other road. (Why , not sure) She not crazy or anything. I dated crazy, but she can get sensitive, but I don't want to come on as defensive or non caring so I think I just start the conversation normally and then asked about her mom. If I should get that far!! Thanks and any would welcome short of me diving in a pile of ashes of forgiveness. lol
Maybe her mom was crying because of a million other reasons and elderly person would cry - reminicing on being married and dancing with her man, children growing up, missing some friends of her who already died..
It is unfair for her to blame you.
Give her some time to think it over, if she continues to make a big deal then that is really on her. She shouldn't be blaming you for this.
I have seen her do little things like this before and get over it in a hurry. No raging or stuff like that. I had that before from another (NOT GOOD) . I just think she felt bad, however, having had a BPD relationship before, I am being careful, and hence the post. Thanlks to all and we'll see if other storms arise. I know neither of us our perfect, but I tend to let this things really roll off my back and I have to make certain, she does have a trend for this, and it might be , she has, so I have to consider this , even though this was nothing in comparison to the raging and hitting, and other things I put out with before out of love. Thanks to all!