Hi Onmymind2000, I read an article which I feel would be very helpful to you....it was in this newage free magazine I picked up, and even tho Im not Im not in yr situation I found it a helpful article which I thought would be good for guys. Ill have a look around and get back to you...

I never understood that phrase, either. And, you're right...HOW do you get over that many years with someone in just a few weeks? The answer is...you don't. I once read it takes approximately as long to "get over" someone as the relationship lasted. I'm not sure if there's any truth to that as I was "over" my relationship with my ex-husband before we got divorced.

During a breakup, people go through a grieving process. It's neither quick nor *standard.* The process one follows won't necessarily be the same as another though most people do follow all the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. There are other models but I refer to the Kubler-Ross model of the stages of grief. The process is not necessarily linear as one may experience the stages in a different order or go back to certain stages but everyone generally ends with acceptance.

So, give yourself a break. People aren't very sympathetic even though every single one of those people telling you to "get over it" have more than likely experienced a painful breakup. It amazes me how uncompassionate people can be that SHOULD understand. Distance from a similar situation usually makes people unable to relate in the way we wished they would/could.

I am experiencing a potential health crisis right now and the bullshit comments coming from people are really beginning to piss me off. I've quit talking about it altogether. And, I have another *friend* who suddenly is MAD at me...almost like the thought of there potentially being something seriously wrong with me angers her. She's one of those "one-uppers" who craves attention...if you hurt, she hurts 10 times worse. She baited me into an argument yesterday. It's so damn ridiculous that I've just cut the bitch off. I honestly don't need to deal with her (or anyone else's) drama when I need to be focusing on myself.

My point in that little side rant was we can't let the stupid shit people say or do get us down. You aren't going to get over your relationship that quickly...nor should you. Possibly your best bet is to vent to us (or those that DO understand) and don't talk about it to those unsympathetic people. It's ridiculous we have to do that but we don't need people to make us feel any worse than we already do...no matter what it is bothering us.

(((HUGS))) You will get there in time...you shouldn't rush the process as it will only come back with a vengence later. Feel your feelings and let everyone else worry about themselves.

It takes time, no one person can tell you how long it will take. Personally, my advice wouldn't be to get over it because it is a process, not simply something you can just up and do right that moment. You should instead use this time now to focus on YOU! Do something you enjoy, sign up for a class, learn a new hobby, whatever makes you happy. If you put yourself into the world and start enjoying it, you'll notice you think less of the relationship and more about simply how much fun you're having...it all gets easier in time.

I second what redheadeddiva said.

People are humorously predictable. IMO, the best way to react to such generic and thoughtless advice is to brush it off as people just acting like sheep. Know that the "just get over it" advisors of the world are actually saying, "I'm not really listening to you, can you go bother someone else?"

Time brother. No getting around it - - time. That, and an attractive lady at the coffee shop giving you the once-over. That can help you get over it more expeditiously.

in my opinion you would have to be a really superficial person to get over that in 3 weeks !. ignore them, they are talking rubbish.
It will get better but it will take time. Be kind to yourself, get out there and meet people. Good luck

It takes time.
You can't just will it to happen.

People shouldn't say "get over it". They should say "get THROUGH it", because you have to push THROUGH what you're feeling to arrive in hopefully a better, stronger place on the other side of all that suffering.

I don't think people mean you harm, they're just not down in that dark, forlorn place that you are, they don't understand it, and are trying to push you out any way they can.

Yep! I feel there just aren't that many empathic people in the world.
Anyone who says... "Get over it" would probably feel differently if they were in your shoes.

I would just take it as a sign that you aren't going to get validation from anyone who says "Get over it" A clear sign for you find some kinder ears that are actually interested in working with you and able to suggest ways to view your situation from a different perspective.

Even a kind.. " I don't know what you're going through and I don't know what to say to help you" would be more kind than a "Get over it"

When our Father died my brother hated when people would tell him to "Stay Strong" It's sometimes difficult to know what to say when people are grieving a loss. So I agree with Koolman on that.

Amen, Sue. And I actually had a woman I was working for say to me "Get over it" when I was in a dark, fragile, forlorn place mourning the death of my brother. I wanted to strangle her.

Then her 70-year-old husband was afflicted by a life-threatening illness. I was tempted to say to her "It's different when it happens to YOU, isn't it?" but kept my mouth shut.

Don't let anyone tell you to get over it, if they do, stop telling them how you feel, I'm sure they mean well but they don't understand where you are so look elsewhere for support. That is why WE are here, you can talk about this all you want and we won't ever tell you to get over it. This healing process (or the getting over it, the relationship) takes as long as it takes.
My ex left me a year ago Feb. and I still have times I struggle with it. If anyone were to tell me to get over it, I would stop telling them anything regarding my feelings on my breakup. I have enough support in my life to not need theirs. When I first started this journey a year ago, people on this site said they still struggled years after and I thought to myself, how can that be? I had hoped I would be well on my way by a years mark, but I'm not. I am much better then I was but not completely "over it"
Good luck, take the time you need to heal. You don't want to rush this process or skip the emotional times, its all part of the journey!!!

It's your time so if want to spend a lifetime getting over this relationship then that's up to you and nobody else.

Man, I have read several of your post and I know you've heard this before, but you are way better off. I know it doesn't feel that way now, but make no mistake about it, its the TRUTH!

I have known people like her, (my mother for example) and there is no life with a person like that.
She cheated multiple times?
Lied about everything under the sun?
Met some old dude online and took off like a coward in the
middle of the night to live with him?

Simple put - she is broken. And there is nothing anyone can ever do about it unless she makes the decision to find help. I know, it sucks to hear, it sucks to be in love with someone like that , I know because I was there.

There is no "just get over it"! It was 13 years of your life. You need to morn the loss as long as you need to. You'll bounce back with some effort, but 3 weeks is waaaay to soon to be "over it".

Just read up on break ups, kinda think about what you want your future to look like (WITHOUT HER IN IT) and be easy with yourself.

Ask yourself some tough questions.. why did you allow this person to treat you so bad for so long? You deserve better but you must believe it.

PS.. that shit stunt she pulled with never work out! Relationships can be hard enough without all the problems they are gonna have.
She left her home and hooked up with Bob Hopes twin brother.. the chances of that working are slim to none.

Peace be with you