Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Hey guys. Well, as some of you know I was in a very unhealthy marriage, left my country (and continent) to live with my husband and after 7 months there and almost 5 years of being together (and me supporting him the entire tme) he decided he didn't want to be with me anymore.
So now I'm back in my country trying to get my life together, there's this particular friend, I met him couple of years before meeting my stbxh and then lost contact with him during my whole marriage except for a few messages on fb, he asked when I was coming back to Sweden so I told him I was going to divorce and wasn't coming back, after that he started to be in contact more often, he lives in another city but I'm trying to move there because being in my hometown is not good for my mental health. Every time I'm in that city we go out, to watch movies, to run, like, things I was always trying to do with the stbx but he only wanted to go and get wasted with his friends, so this is so refreshing!
The problem is that every person that know him have pointed out to me that he likes me and yes, it is very obvious he does, I don't think I see him as more than a friend and even if I did I need to take care of myself first and I'm in no way ready to jump into another relationship. I don't wanna hurt him and since he hasn't said anything to me I don't know if I should brought it up just to be clear or just leave things like that because maybe he's aware I'm not ready? I just feel so stupid because it's like I forgot how to have friends :(
So now I'm back in my country trying to get my life together, there's this particular friend, I met him couple of years before meeting my stbxh and then lost contact with him during my whole marriage except for a few messages on fb, he asked when I was coming back to Sweden so I told him I was going to divorce and wasn't coming back, after that he started to be in contact more often, he lives in another city but I'm trying to move there because being in my hometown is not good for my mental health. Every time I'm in that city we go out, to watch movies, to run, like, things I was always trying to do with the stbx but he only wanted to go and get wasted with his friends, so this is so refreshing!
The problem is that every person that know him have pointed out to me that he likes me and yes, it is very obvious he does, I don't think I see him as more than a friend and even if I did I need to take care of myself first and I'm in no way ready to jump into another relationship. I don't wanna hurt him and since he hasn't said anything to me I don't know if I should brought it up just to be clear or just leave things like that because maybe he's aware I'm not ready? I just feel so stupid because it's like I forgot how to have friends :(
Other than that, why stop the friendship?
Plus, you can still be friends with someone to whom you can not reciprocate the feelings, you just can't take advantage of their kindness, that's all ( like run and cry to them every time you break up with another guy, etc )
If he is halfway decent and understanding he will realise you need time, and he won't pressure you for anything more.
Just relax and enjoy it as it is now, and if he makes a move to try to take it further, just explain to him that you enjoy his company, but for now friendship is all you can cope with. If he is a really good guy, he will appreciate who you are and choose to keep on being your friend. I am so happy for you, if you can have a friend like that, they can be so invaluable and helpful in the healing process.
As Aronia said, you just don't want to use and abuse his friendship. Good luck my friend and enjoy the friendship!!