Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I've been in a "frielationship" with a woman for the last 6 months (though we've known each other for a couple of years). No sex, but there's acknowledged attraction and connection there on both sides. She's dating/sleeping with another guy and I've been careful not to upset that. We have an awkward history that I won't disclose on this post, but it is scattered throughout my journal.
Almost three months ago, I told her that I needed a break from the relationship with a no-contact rule for three months because it was emotionally upsetting for me. And, at times I felt like a tool. She understood. During this period, she has contacted me in some form (txt, email) about every two weeks in innocuous but telling ways, "Just checking in" and "Can I call you about a computer problem?" and "When is the three months up?" and "We get to talk again soon, right?"
I really, really like this person in a lot of ways and I have some kind of block that refuses to let go of this connection. I respect her, am attracted to her, we get along really well, have similar interests, consider her a friend, and there's that mysterious, ineffable something you get about a person that's hard to describe when you connect.
Clearly, she wants to talk to me. On some level, she appreciates our friendship/relationship. She has stated that she's confused about our relationship, as well.
No real question, just looking for advice. It's 10 days until the three months is up and I feel excited and anxious about starting to talk with her again. I'm emotionally vulnerable about the situation...recently divorced. Questions I ask myself that I'm unable to consolidate: Should I play it cool and just continue what I'm doing? Should I push the relationship? Should I shut it down and move on?
Almost three months ago, I told her that I needed a break from the relationship with a no-contact rule for three months because it was emotionally upsetting for me. And, at times I felt like a tool. She understood. During this period, she has contacted me in some form (txt, email) about every two weeks in innocuous but telling ways, "Just checking in" and "Can I call you about a computer problem?" and "When is the three months up?" and "We get to talk again soon, right?"
I really, really like this person in a lot of ways and I have some kind of block that refuses to let go of this connection. I respect her, am attracted to her, we get along really well, have similar interests, consider her a friend, and there's that mysterious, ineffable something you get about a person that's hard to describe when you connect.
Clearly, she wants to talk to me. On some level, she appreciates our friendship/relationship. She has stated that she's confused about our relationship, as well.
No real question, just looking for advice. It's 10 days until the three months is up and I feel excited and anxious about starting to talk with her again. I'm emotionally vulnerable about the situation...recently divorced. Questions I ask myself that I'm unable to consolidate: Should I play it cool and just continue what I'm doing? Should I push the relationship? Should I shut it down and move on?
You said she seeing/sleeping with someone else and you still are considering it?? That would throw up a lot of red flags to me.
Good luck.
If you value the friendship, don't lose it.
If you want more, she will have to stop seeing the other guy.
If you're not ready to deal with all of it, you need to break it off.
I don't want to lose our friendship because we have so much in common. I have backed off several times but everytime I do it seems like he comes on stronger & my feelings get stronger once again. I often feel like I'm being toyed with also & it's not a great feeling.
I have been getting out & trying to meet other men but I haven't managed to find anyone decent who sparks my interest & I compare everyone to him. So I guess I want him minus the games.
So, there was no three month break for all practical purposes. And nothing will change in the next ten days. You know it. And that's why you're asking for advice.
I suggest that you cut off all communication within the next ten days. You are allowed one more response. Just tell her that it's time to move on and you don't feel right interfering in her currect relationship. Ask her to please not contact you unless her boyfriend is gone and out of her life and to please respect your decision.
It's this kind of wishy-washy behavior that women don't respect. You might as well break yourself of it now instead of crying about "Why don't women like nice guys?" later. Remember, you don't need to treat women badly. But you can't allow them to treat you badly or they'll run over you, then chew up your mangled corpse and spit it out for the rats to eat.
After all, are you afraid of being rejected? Rejected as what? Her friend? You basically told us and her that you want more. It was hurting you too much to see her with someone else and not choose you.
That said, please take this advice with a large dose of skepticism. I don't know anything more than you wrote here.