Healthy Relationships Support Group

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Friendship to relationship????

Artchick
Artchick

Some of you might have read my other couple of questions on here. Here is my current situation. I have a really good guy friend that I have had for more than 3 years. We have hung out alot over the years. I would even stay the night at his house some and sleep in the same bed and nothing happened sexually. (hes 46, im 43). He is a really great guy. Not the typical guy. I have always had feelings for him but I have accepted he just wanted to be friends (because he told me that). Well recently he told me he had feelings for me and he thought we would be great together. I was speechless. So we talked about it some and we have been hanging out every weekend. We did full around once about a month ago but he later said it was too soon. So nothing since then. He said he wants to go real slow. He had a bad divorce before we started hanging out 3+years ago. He said he was really in love and she left him for another woman. He is really hurt by it. We hug some and kiss (mostly pecks). But that is all. I kinda feel like he is scared to touch me. I did ask him some questions a few weeks ago and he said he didn't wanna just have sex he wanted to evently make love and he wanted to go slow right now. I really like him but I feel like if he does really like me we have to move a little forward at some point. I feel like we are best friends that kiss occasionally. He will talk about how his ex really hurt him but I feel like he doesn't wanna really open up to me. But we have fun together. What do yall think. I feel confused. I want to feel wanted. I feel wanted as a friend but nothing else right now. 

lb7268
lb7268
Until he’s ready, there’s probably not much that you can do. Keep spending as much time with him as you can.
Artchick
Artchick
That's what I am doing and I don't want to be too impatient and miss out on something really great!!! But also, at some point we have to move forward as a couple (intimacy, affectionate). It's only been about a month so i'm trying to be patient.
Aronia
Aronia
He knew you for 3 years.. I think that’s a good amount of time to get to know someone to make a decision about being a couple.
You are actively looking for someone as far as I understand to be with, so... until he decided to proceed, you probably shouldn’t limit yourself to just him?
What do you think?
gratefulgrandma123
gratefulgrandma123
It sounds very frustrating because u really like him and now he likes u but if u pressure him it could make things worse. He might have problems in this area and he is scared. Maybe he feels if he waits it would work out better. I don't think u could talk to him about it because he would feel pressured. U can either wait or leave if u don't like the situation. It seems to me that's all u can do. Maybe he was like this with his ex wife and that's why she left him.
Artchick
Artchick
Thanks for your responses. Part of me thinks like you said Antonia, he has known me for a long time...why tell me he has feelings for me if we are gonna really kinda still being just friends. I feel like I will never find the right guy. I do feel like it could be him but then again we may always stay in the "friend zone". The other part of me thinks he's just really scared to open up his heart to me. I have a lot of love to give! I know I'm more needy of affection (which I have always been) since my 14yr old son passed away in February. I don't like being home alone in this house.
Artchick
Artchick
Stupid autocorrect...aronia
rmb
rmb
Meh... he was hurt by an ex and had a bad divorce. It’s not like that happened to him yesterday. If it were me, I’d not want to waste my time with someone who is this emotionally delicate. Sorry that’s just me.
daffodil7
daffodil7
I think you should look elsewhere...I wouldn’t spend time trying to figure him out. If he loves you as a romantic partner he would have told you. Given you said he acts like he is afraid to be intimate with you and how he is still heartbroken, I would move on. It may be hard to part with the “what if we are meant to be”, but if he really wanted to pursue something with you he wouldn’t be “slow” at it. You deserve to be loved by someone...don’t chase after someone who isn’t really giving you the answers you want/need.
rmb
rmb
I don’t believe in anything being meant to be. rRelationships have nothing to do with fate or destiny. We have control over who decide to be with or pursue and who we don’t. I know that is not very romantic or magical but I feel like this idea of “the one” kind of prevents us from looking at people and their stuff objectively.
Artchick
Artchick
Rmb I agree to an extent. I do believe we can be in love with several people over a lifetime. Yes the hallmark movies,etc are nice but not realistic. I do believe there is someone and relationship that's meant to be as far as someone that would be really good with me and think im great and i think the same about them and things will just feel right and meant to be....always hoping
yorman1
yorman1
My govern should be the age.....both in their 40s...should be ripping each others clothes off at this stage....Of course if he is looking for a girl friend and he has slept with her without touching her...He could be gay and just looking for female companionship..... To have a lasting relationship sex has to be a priority. Otherwise you just remain good friends in that relationship and maybe have yoursex elsewhere. Seriously it is really kind if unusual..
..
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
He may be afraid as well because you have been such close friends that he's afraid to lose that part of your relationship? perhaps?

I would say what you've written here that you feel it's time that you move forward and see how it goes and that you want more than a friendship..... It's not all up to him

I think when there's a betrayal like he's endured though a lot of people believe that there whole relationship was based on a lie.... Which is not necessarily the case however I could understand those feelings

Let us know how it goes!!.... Big hug.....xo
veggiequeen
veggiequeen
I am wondering of the timing of this.....You reached a point where you mentioned wanting a bit more of a relationship. Suddenly he says he wants more but still needs time. Could he be saying this to keep you from looking further because he wants things as they are?
Artchick
Artchick
It maybe he likes the idea of us and doesn't want me to see anyone else because we do enjoy each other's company...heck I don't know...im confused lol I'll let y'all know what happens....thanks guys....i appreciate getting your opinions on this
Artchick
Artchick
Ok so we talked some more this weekend...i asked him if he was attracted to me or not because if he wasn't then we really couldn't move forward (sex). He said yes he definitely was, but I told him I don't feel like he is. He said he just doesn't wanna move fast and make the same mistakes he has made in the past. I can understand that and I really care about him but I don't know how long to hang on until we move forward. I guess if several months goes by and he still doesn't wanna move forward then he probably never will. I wanna be patient...but I'm not very good at it
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