uhhhhhhh this is exactly what I am going through right now. My 'ex-boyfriend' who has changed things to be just 'friends'. I want more than friends - he doesnt right now. I dont know how to deal. I am getting my own apartment and do not want him coming with me.

Do I enjoy his company and everything? Yes...but I want to be more than friends - he doesnt so I dont know if I can continue with the friendship.

Interesting that you bring this up.

Yep, sex and romance sure is intoxicating, isn't it?

Guess we all crave that "excitement"...point is, we need friends too. Helps balance us out. Helps provide a cush to come down from the highs (and lows) of romantic entanglements.

Why can't the object of the sex and romance also be a friend?

friends make the best lovers

It can-! But there's always a new "dimension" to the friendship when sex comes into it, and, if sex wanes, where's the friendship?

Koolman, In your mind, is friendship exclusive of a sexual relationship?

yea does friends mean no sex or would that be "friends with benefits"

Maybe I am only considering long term, committed relationships that are based on a friendship that grew into physical attraction, then into sexual intimacy and love.

In thinking about all my past relationships, most of my sexual relationships were friendships that were ignited by strong loving emotions. I don't recall ever thinking (my immature young adult days excluded) that I could turn a strictly sexual relationship into a friendship, but all of my sexual relationship started out as friendships. The one "FWB" relationship was strictly as "f-buddys" with an acquaintance. And once I decided I didn't want to be used for sex, there was not friendship at all (but there was never a friendship in the first place.)

Sorry - there is a tendency to become a "doormat" allowing someone to have sex with you and calling them your "friend"
I call bullshit on that.

Clearly there are commitment issues on one side of that equation otherwise, why not jump in, head first, deep end?

Why? Because I can't handle any deep feelings of end-of-the-world kind of attachment right now. Heart's just not in it. The right lady could change my mind of course! Someone fun, great sense of humor, with a certain animalistic sexual quality and some, um "physical attributes" that I find pleasing.

However, I'm a very loving friend to a few ladies whom I'm sure would like to be more, but, while I'm very fond of them, I don't feel the same way about them. Perhaps we know each other TOO well. No mystery in it. So then...a certain mystery is important I suppose.

As far as commitment, have a hard time committing to something when I don't really know what I'm committing TO. So...a bit of mystery with a bit of common ground is the goal.

God, wish I could delete that last post...forgive me, mystery is OUT. Did mystery last time and it didn't get very far. I wanna be with someone up-front and blatantly forthright, who is attracted to me and tells me exactly what she does and doesn't like about me.

Friendships are important. "Friends with Benes" is good, as long as that person remembers the "friend" part and alot just don't. Then you're just left with an f-buddy, if that's what you want. I am currently considering the possibility of a friend becoming more sometime in the future, which is a scary proposition, but I hope it will turn out OK and the friendship will still exist, but just be enhanced.