Sorry Koolman, this whole FWB thing is so foreign to me. I just can't imagine no strings attached. Exactly how do you find this person? Do you go up to a woman who interests you and lay out this "contract?" I'm sure there are women out there who don't want a serious relationship, I just am curious how one goes about talking about this in a business-like manner. And what happens if you or she falls in love?

Please don't think I'm judging you, I'm just really curious how all this works and whether it really CAN work. I'll be interested to see others' posts.

I have a friend who says that if a woman sleeps with a man long enough she falls in love. And I think she is right. You might have a hard time with this because women tend to get attached. You may find a woman who will try this out with you, but be ready for the (if you can't take this to the next step I have to walk) conversation.

The odds of BOTH of you not getting attached and wanting more are, in my guestimation, slim to none. One of you is bound to develop a desire for more, and then either suppress it and wind up feeling used, or express it and put a weird stress on the 'relationship' (unless it ends up being a mutual desire).

Whats really the difference between what you describe and a relationship where you recognize eachother as bf/gf... and simply take some space a few days a week for no reason other than mature people can do so and not think it means the relationship has ended!

What you describe sounds like a bf/gf relationship simply minus the courage to admit thats what it is... living under the guise of casual... but when it comes down to it, feelings aren't casual... and if the sex is any good... feelings are bound to happen...

I guess if you might solve the problem by pairing up with someone with whom the sex is but mediocre???? Doesn't seem worth the risk to me.

I won't go so far as to say it couldn't work... if the friendship was already established, rock solid, and both people simply had a sexual need unmet... why not come together... you know... like a best friend of the opposite sex?

Wait a minute... best friend of the opposite sex, add in good sexual relations... sounds like a great recipe for marriage... lol.

sorry. having done it... seems like someone is bound to either get hurt or go numb avoiding getting hurt.

Good luck though. The key to any good relationship is having two people with the same vision... I just can't see it.

wow i agree to what jack750 says, because i'm actually in this frends with benefits thing and i'm actually starting to feel something way more then what is going on. know i dont really know how he feels because i havent really been able to talk to him about it. we have been friends with benefits for a little over a year now and i am really starting to feel for him. i dont even know what to do. i have told him how i feel that i like him more then just fends with benefits. i have not gotten a responce from him and i'm alittle scared to know. i would be happy if he was feeling the same way but if he isnt i dont want to lose what i have. i guess i just dont know what to do but i thought i would let you know that i really beleive that at somepoint in a freinds with benefits relationship someone has more feeling then the other one or both get feeling for eachother. i just wish i knew what to do to see if he feels the same way.

Honestly... I may be a little young and not too experienced but I'm currently in a situation where I knew my boyfriend was going to be leaving and I shouldn't get too attached. Unfortunately for me thats exactly what I did. I think I'm falling in love with him and in the end both of us are going to be hurt.... But thats my problem. Back to my point... My boyfriend and I spent time together. We are intimate and on some level we are FWB because we wont really have much of a chance to grow together. In my own personal opion FWB is a bad idea and will lead to hurt either for you or your "friend".

AIKI, I couldn't have said it better-all of it.

Friends with Benefits can have multiple meanings. What this sounds like to me is that you want a romantic relationship without the planned path of commitment. Date, move in, get married, ectI could of course, I may be way of base here.

I guess the question that I have for you is: are you hoping for this for now (i.e a few months, a couple of years) and what comes latter, comes latter, just enjoy the now for now? Or have you decided that you dont ever want more commitment? Either way it can work if you find someone who is looking for the same thing and you are honest about it. Just remember nothing stays the same and lack of commitment means lack of security. If you are secure with the lack of security, then I say, go for it. However, I would stay away from the Friends with benefits title, most women see this term a little differently, and usually have a memory attached to itas you can see from the posts.

Personally what you described sounds like my preference, for the first year or two. And it has worked well. But I am not defining success with a ring. I define relationship/dating success through the wisdom of hindsight; if I can look back on the experience with fondness; if I am glad for the experience; if I feel like it was a positive growing experience. Then it was a success. I have also had relationships that worked better once we stopped trying to make it into something and they ended up looking like what you have described.

I do want to eventually make a commitment. I guess I want to "test the waters" first, to see if we're both emotionally compatible. To define my own character, I guess I'm a sweet, sexy and physical guy who is looking for likewise. I do go through "hot and cold" phases in my heart, however; sometimes I need to be extremely close with a woman, and then, after 3-4 days of that, I need a break and some privacy, some personal space, time to re-charge my batteries. I guess I should focus on JUST being friends (without the "benefit" of sex) with a woman at this time; then, if I like her character and she likes mine, make moves to get closer physically, and then we can figure out what we want the relationship and/or domestic living situation to be. Yes?

I have a different understanding of friends with benefits. most people I know consider friends with benefits someone you have an attraction to and have a sexual relationship with from time to time but nothing else.

Friends with benefits dont work because because most women dont separate sex from being cared about.

I'd like to add that my experience in my previous relationship with a Vietnamese woman was very much like akijedi described. She merely wanted me around a couple of hours every couple of weeks as "entertainment diversion" from her otherwise boring and stressful life (she worked 10-11 hour 6 days a week at her family's nail salon, and she also lived with her family). I was the one who began to get attached and want more, want to be with her more often, even move in with her. She liked things the way they were, and, frankly, her time and energy was spread so thin already that she really didn't have time for a relationship with me anyway. I respected that, but after a couple of months, was not quite fulfilled or happy, so I began to shy away, and thus began the web of neverending pulling of heartstrings on both our parts. Neither one of us was really sure how to define the relationship, and both had slightly different emotional needs; she was content to be lukewarm and keep me at a certain emotional distance, merely fooling around a bit sexually and that was it. I wanted to be red-hot. Our needs never quite matched up. So now I have a little better idea of what to talk about as far as the "structure" of what I want the relationship to be, of course, listening to her wants as well. Thanks!