I'm sure this has been posted by others before, but an old flame came into my life, a Vietnamese woman who has lived in the States for 10 years, and just wants to be "friends" now. She's 44 years old, I'm 43. While my old fires of passion and amorous affection for her keep resurfacing every time we get together (she's still very pretty and sexy), I also now see the clear incompatibilities between us. She has expensive tastes, I'm equally comfortable in exquisite, opulent surroundings or "down home on the range", she works herself to the bone, I pride in some free time to play, she's stoic in her feelings (to her, the mind is the focus, not the heart--the Vietnamese are a tough breed) whereas I'm completely the opposite, a wild animal, full of love, lust and passion, and have a soft, tender, sensitive side that loves cuddling and being close. To her, these are foreign concepts. It seems Vietnamese women like their men made of steel, and like their men to dominate them, which I'm open to, of course, given the invitation.

Since she has deemed that I have to keep my hands to myself now when we're together, I find it excruciating torture to be around her at this point...we have these long gaps in our conversations where we know some fires are still there, but there's this awkwardness. Since I'm not seeing anyone else, my feeling is that "something is better than nothing", but this continual distance, even when we're two feet away from each other, really hurts.

She's a very nice woman, but I don't think I want to "just be friends" with her, unless we can find some common ground to agree upon...we're comfortable, like a couple of old shoes...but if there's no amorous affection or sexual desire there on her part, we really don't have much to talk about! She speaks fairly good English, but her sentences are short, as if she doesn't want to exhibit too much effort, so I find myself forced to do most of the talking, and sometimes I feel like I'm losing her, like she doesn't understand what I'm saying. So perhaps there's still a bit of a language barrier there.

I think she likes me around because I help her feel young, when in fact, she feels old. She works in a family-owned nail salon and breathing the toxic nail polish and chemicals all day makes her, understandably, tired. I'm concerned about her developing cancer, but I don't have a better deal to offer her; where she works is her choice and she's made it. She doesn't seem to feel qualified or want to do anything else, which flabbergasts me, because she's extremely intelligent, has been college educated in her country and could teach if she wanted to, but doesn't want to deal with kids, because she's around her sister's kids day-in and day-out, and they drive her nuts.

Part of what MAKES me feel young is sexual acceptance, and, since all I feel with her is sexual rejection, quite frankly, I feel OLD with her, like some stuffy possession of hers, and I don't like it! At 43, my feeling is that I'm too young to feel old!

I've talked with younger women, and they either look at me as a father figure, an ATM machine or a breeder, none of which sound appealing at this time--a "friend with benefits" is what I'm looking for and what I'm looking to be...committed, yes, but not living together--too much of a good thing. I'm in a weird age, where I'm not a kid anymore, but I'm not ready for Social Security and the nursing home either.

Sorry if this all sounds selfish, ladies--I really do care about this woman and want the best for her, but our relationship is somewhat limiting, and one must be interested in some semblance of self-preservation; otherwise, one gets devoured and drained.

So...I'm debating whether to hang out with this woman in person anymore or just limit our association to phone calls.