Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I have this online friend that has truly been a rock for me and has probably been the best friend I have ever had, but yet I don't feel like I care for him as much as he cares for me and I feel guilty over that. I am truly appreciative of him and always let him know how much I appreciate him being there for me and what a wonderful person he is, but at the same time I feel like he is way more into me than I am into him.
In the distant past he has admitted to having feelings for me. I have never had romantic feelings for him (not that it would do me any good if I did - he lives in the UK). Sometimes I get the sense he may still have feelings for me because he'll tell me he loves me when I feel particularly down, but I don't know if he means he loves me as a friend or in the romantic sense. We'll occasionally chat on facebook and he'll always end it with a kissing emoji which makes me feel uncomfortable.
He has always talked about how cool it would be to meet and I have always agreed, but in reality I have never felt particularly excited about meeting him. Part of that may be due to my social phobia, but I always never felt connected to him as I have with other friends I've had in the past. Which again makes me feel guilty and makes me wonder what is wrong with me because this guy cares for me more than anyone else.
Now he tells me he is planning a trip to the US next year and wants to meet up and I don't know what to do. I don't really want to meet him, but I don't know what to say. I would be too scared to meet him with my social phobia, but like I said the prospect of meeting him never particularly excited me either. If he does come to the US it won't be solely to meet me, but he is definitely planning on it as being a part of his trip.
I don't know. I just psychoanalyze myself over this whole thing because like I say he has been so great to me and I wonder if there is something wrong with me for not sharing his feelings. Am I horrible person? How do I handle this situation?
In the distant past he has admitted to having feelings for me. I have never had romantic feelings for him (not that it would do me any good if I did - he lives in the UK). Sometimes I get the sense he may still have feelings for me because he'll tell me he loves me when I feel particularly down, but I don't know if he means he loves me as a friend or in the romantic sense. We'll occasionally chat on facebook and he'll always end it with a kissing emoji which makes me feel uncomfortable.
He has always talked about how cool it would be to meet and I have always agreed, but in reality I have never felt particularly excited about meeting him. Part of that may be due to my social phobia, but I always never felt connected to him as I have with other friends I've had in the past. Which again makes me feel guilty and makes me wonder what is wrong with me because this guy cares for me more than anyone else.
Now he tells me he is planning a trip to the US next year and wants to meet up and I don't know what to do. I don't really want to meet him, but I don't know what to say. I would be too scared to meet him with my social phobia, but like I said the prospect of meeting him never particularly excited me either. If he does come to the US it won't be solely to meet me, but he is definitely planning on it as being a part of his trip.
I don't know. I just psychoanalyze myself over this whole thing because like I say he has been so great to me and I wonder if there is something wrong with me for not sharing his feelings. Am I horrible person? How do I handle this situation?
You're not a horrible person. You ain't into him (physically & romantically). BUT...you may have leading him on A TAD in your use, or lack of use, of language.
Use the word "friend" (i.e. "You're a really good friend") CONSTANTLY in your communication with him. Hopefully he'll eventually take a hint. Guys can be a bit thick/dense.