No, it is not necessary. I reserve the right to feel the way I want to feel. Forgiving can be therapeutic, but if it is causing too much effort for me to forgive someone, I am not going to continue struggling to achieve something that is not going to get accomplished.
Some people get quite a bit of benefit through on-going therapeutic counseling for the same things, but for me it is best to get it out once and let the sleeping dogs lie. I don’t want to go back to the events that traumatize me and let these people have presence in my life.
So, I think forgiveness is a personal decision and whatever choice produces the best result should be allowed to happen :-).

Forgiveness is not forgetting or dismissing the actions of others, in my opinion. Forgiveness is something we do for ourselves, not the offender. Whether they have awareness of what they are being forgiven for is irrelevant in my mind.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to continue a relationship with that person or not have boundaries. It’s just a way to release ourselves from the control of another. In some ways we keep hurting ourselves all over when we hold on to what we think is unforgivable.

So I don’t think we have to forgive anyone but I think to be emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually healthy and at peace, it makes a difference.

rmb says all~~~another factor I think is compassion. Being a parent to an asperger child, I messed up big time. I couldn't give what I didn't have emotionally or knowledge.

This gave me the ability to forgive my Mom/Stepfather, have compassion for them for what they were not taught or given emotionally...how could they fulfill my emotional needs.

Now this didn't take place until they both had passed....I had way too many years of anger, broken record blaming etc. Alanon helped me with t hat and creating healthy boundaries.

I think rmb nailed it.

I agree with rmb,

As a Christian we are called to forgive those who have wronged us so our own sins can be forgiven, however, restoration of an individual doesn't always have to happen.

I have an uncle that threatened to kill my mom, my dad, and me one time and i had to hold him at gunpoint until the sheriff arrived to escort him off the property. I have forgiven him but i will never trust him again for threatening my family so i cannot restore him to being my uncle as he is a danger to my family.

My ex is also an issue where i have forgiven her for what she did to me but she is a difficult one because she keeps trying to harm me even though we have been divorced for over a decade. Each time i forgive her because at this point i don't think she even knows what she is doing nor does she care if she causes harm but I still forgive her because holding hatred towards her was killing me inside.

So while Christ calls us to forgive so we may be forgiven if you are not religious you also need to realize that it hurts you to hold on to that pain (like rmb said) so you need to forgive and it's ok NOT to restore someone that has hurt you very badly or continues to be a threat to you.

I agree with rmb,

As a Christian we are called to forgive those who have wronged us so our own sins can be forgiven, however, restoration of an individual doesn't always have to happen.

I have an uncle that threatened to kill my mom, my dad, and me one time and i had to hold him at gunpoint until the sheriff arrived to escort him off the property. I have forgiven him but i will never trust him again for threatening my family so i cannot restore him to being my uncle as he is a danger to my family.

My ex is also an issue where i have forgiven her for what she did to me but she is a difficult one because she keeps trying to harm me even though we have been divorced for over a decade. Each time i forgive her because at this point i don't think she even knows what she is doing nor does she care if she causes harm but I still forgive her because holding hatred towards her was killing me inside.

So while Christ calls us to forgive so we may be forgiven if you are not religious you also need to realize that it hurts you to hold on to that pain (like rmb said) so you need to forgive and it's ok NOT to restore someone that has hurt you very badly or continues to be a threat to you.

Forgiveness is a thought that may appear or not. It’s not an action. Forgiving someone is like saying: ‘on Wednesday morning I’m going to be happy’. I’m not sure just saying makes it so. And it certainly doesn’t happen overnight. For the big things of course.
I read a practice that the Dalai Lama suggested about generating compassion that I find to be very powerful. Sitting in meditation imaging that you are on one side of a room and on the other side are many people suffering the same thing as you are. If you could wouldn’t it be best to understand and help the many? This helps me to step out of my story. I never can really know what someone is going through or what environment they were raised in so I try to take that into account if I feel like I’ve been wronged.
Love seems to be the key to having mental health which includes not holding onto issues. Loving ourselves makes it easier to let things go. Compassion is love for others that allows us to understand how they may be feeling to act in a way that hurt us.
Sorry, not trying to teach, just what comes to mind. There are people who leave their dogs tied outside in the cold, people who abuse children or spouses, and so many other things that are difficult for me to grasp let alone forgive. But then I have to remember that these are people who don’t love themselves and that deserves compassion. Not 50% either. It’s all in with love.
I was seriously hurt at work years ago by a young man who was under the influence. Broken bones, nerve damage… however the shock was so intense that it gave me the intention to change my lifestyle. Now I see that guy as giving me the gift of sobriety. The shift in perspective makes it easy to forgive him. If I had gone the other way and made it a pity party for myself then the forgiveness wouldn’t be genuine. I discovered how to love myself and good things happened.
It’s all perception isn’t it?

I agree with what rmb wrote as well.... We forgive for ourselves and our own peace of mind

If you are no longer upset or angry with that person the action no longer has a hold on you.... Big hug... xo

Rmb nailed it!

I forgave someone who hurt me on all levels. Emotionally, physically, financially. I was told for years I had to. Eventually I just stopped talking about it to anyone anymore. One day "I woke up" and I forgave that person. It took many years to get that point,, but one day I just did. And honestly, I felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders and my life turned around for the better.

I dont forget what he did, but I have forgiven him for it. Its a chapter in life. Do I want anything with this person, nope. Its a chapter in life.

I think if you want to forgive, or when you are ready I should say, you will. I think it helps emotionally and to allow those better things in life to happen.

However, some people move on for the best as well, and refuse to forgive because they still carry the pain.

All of you wrote such beautiful things. I’m unable to add to the wisdom here! Thank you all.

I have found forgiveness can go back and forth as well when it's a big thing... You can forgive one day but it can still come back to haunt you on another... Sometimes it's a work in progress... xo

Yes we can’t control a thought/emotion. It’s nice to have the intention of forgiving but that’s only in that moment. So to truly forgive is a practice that happens every time those feelings arise that we’ve been hurt/wronged. My experience forgiving a cheating partner was that I had to go through this process for years. And time didn’t heal it. It was mostly loving myself and having the intention to stop making the suffering continue by visiting it like I was a victim. Once I stepped back to look at it I realized that it really wasn’t all about me like I first thought/felt.
And yes, there is a lot of wisdom in all these replies. I’m quite impressed actually….

I just read that forgiveness is learning to live with the consequences of the actions of another. In other words get a life and move on. The psycho babble and the esoteric nonsense is for the damaged who refuse to research or give up their own narcissism. In order to not be bitter or damaged myself I choose to forgive in a way but to never let that monster to speak to me ever. Walk away. If you need to forgive many maybe you need to think about what's really going on. God and Christianity is reality and everything else we believe comes from witches and Satanists that ARE child molesters, if you need proof I have it. Real forgiveness is needed but takes time. First forgive yourself and then let the rest happen.

Short reply... after struggling with the religous aspect that is broad and general about forgiveness.. and thinking about it... what I a really angry about is the damage done after forgiving, taking the logical appoach and trying to reocover.
So I'd say (unprofessionally) ... to do your best with forgiveness but dont blame yourself about not being perfect about it and get over the anger about the damage done which is hard to forget... because that is not really just taking it back its just anger over damage done... so fix it and learn to cope with it while dealing with making a new start or continuing in a posetive direction that is not influenced by who ever or what ever hurt you except to be aware and prepared for anything of like matters to occur a

I had a story of being beaten up physically, finally I recognize it and the need to disconnect
Myself from my own thoughts by practicing spirituality, meditation... Get rid of bad company (people who were telling that I was going to be...) I let go their power to harm me and heard next day one of them telling me to forgive her and I took my time to answer and accept their apologies and change.