Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Ok I know I havent been in here for a while, so now Im going to jump back in.
I call this the Keys to the Kingdom, or what should have been passed down to us guys from our fathers.
First off I didnt come from a perfect family. My parents divorced and both re-married. My sister and I both became pass-around-kids. But in spite of all of that some good did still happen. I am on my second marriage, but were going to joyfully celebrate 17 years this summer.
After my dad re-married I ended up living with him and his new wife. I was 13 at the time going through all of the typical hormonal/adolescent changes.
During that time my dad pulled me into his process of romancing my stepmother. Now mind you this is after they were married.
He would come home from work early while she was still at her work and tell me Come on, lets go for a ride.
He would take me to a specialty shop that was actually an Asian gift store. They had jewelry, gifts, kimono dresses, and other exotic things. I was sworn to secrecy as to his source for all the surprising and special things he got for her.
While helping my dad pick things out for Valentines Day, Christmas, her birthday and anniversary or any other, for no reason special time, I learned some things:
1. Dont try to solve or understand the mystic of womanhood. Instead answer it with more
mystery and mystic. The more exotic the mystery the better. If you try to unravel the mystery you will be destroying both her and your relationship with her. Let her mystic constantly stimulate your curiosity but dont ever try to satisfy it. It will do something to prolong your own hormones and romantic urges throughout the life span of your relationship.
2. I learned some of the mechanisms of flowers by observation and reading.
a. Flowers are sexual imagery in a complete and whole package
b. Flowers visually create a pleased and relaxed response
c. The fragrance of flowers trigger brain chemistry that can be the precursor to
romantic love and sexual activity
With flowers, I learned that my stepmothers rational and reasoning of my dad could be drastically altered. I tried it once when I knew I was about to be in trouble, I brought her some flowers out of the garden and the severity of my troubles were dramatically diminished. Flowers work.
3. Im sure most of us have read and heard about chocolate. Chocolate is also a relaxing agent and has been proven to create more of the same brain chemistry that triggers romantic love and preparation for sexual activity.
4. Guys are function = results oriented. Gals are relationship = security oriented. When a guy writes something romantic on a note or card it tells the gal that he gets it, that he understands that pursuing the relationship romantically he provides a sense of security building up her confidence and trust in him.
5. Kissing and other physical contact: The Internet is full of articles proclaiming the physiological mechanisms of kissing. Kissing produces more of the bio-chemical processes that are the precursor to romantic love and sexual activity. But even more than that are the stimulus regions of the ear, neck and shoulder. Little nibbles in these areas takes it over the top to outright arousal and preparation for sex. Take the time to learn and do.
Yep I learned all of this as a seething bundle of adolescent hormones by observation and being a sort of apprentice of my dad. My dad wasnt wining my stepmother to gain her as a mate; he was re-winning her to continually establish his kingdom with her as his mate right before my very eyes. (No I did not see them have sex, YUK!)
So guys these are the Keys to the Kingdom, that is, if that is what you really want; the
establishment of your own kingdom in a continually renewing and healthy relationship.
Disclaimer: Some people do have allergies. A guy who finds creative ways to find a substitute for flower and chocolate allergies will have won more than he can imagine.
Yes, I did leave out the romantic date that was on purpose as it is another topic in itself.
No, this is not a complete or exhaustive list, but it is a darn good start. Keep it simple, and then perfect that simplicity.
I call this the Keys to the Kingdom, or what should have been passed down to us guys from our fathers.
First off I didnt come from a perfect family. My parents divorced and both re-married. My sister and I both became pass-around-kids. But in spite of all of that some good did still happen. I am on my second marriage, but were going to joyfully celebrate 17 years this summer.
After my dad re-married I ended up living with him and his new wife. I was 13 at the time going through all of the typical hormonal/adolescent changes.
During that time my dad pulled me into his process of romancing my stepmother. Now mind you this is after they were married.
He would come home from work early while she was still at her work and tell me Come on, lets go for a ride.
He would take me to a specialty shop that was actually an Asian gift store. They had jewelry, gifts, kimono dresses, and other exotic things. I was sworn to secrecy as to his source for all the surprising and special things he got for her.
While helping my dad pick things out for Valentines Day, Christmas, her birthday and anniversary or any other, for no reason special time, I learned some things:
1. Dont try to solve or understand the mystic of womanhood. Instead answer it with more
mystery and mystic. The more exotic the mystery the better. If you try to unravel the mystery you will be destroying both her and your relationship with her. Let her mystic constantly stimulate your curiosity but dont ever try to satisfy it. It will do something to prolong your own hormones and romantic urges throughout the life span of your relationship.
2. I learned some of the mechanisms of flowers by observation and reading.
a. Flowers are sexual imagery in a complete and whole package
b. Flowers visually create a pleased and relaxed response
c. The fragrance of flowers trigger brain chemistry that can be the precursor to
romantic love and sexual activity
With flowers, I learned that my stepmothers rational and reasoning of my dad could be drastically altered. I tried it once when I knew I was about to be in trouble, I brought her some flowers out of the garden and the severity of my troubles were dramatically diminished. Flowers work.
3. Im sure most of us have read and heard about chocolate. Chocolate is also a relaxing agent and has been proven to create more of the same brain chemistry that triggers romantic love and preparation for sexual activity.
4. Guys are function = results oriented. Gals are relationship = security oriented. When a guy writes something romantic on a note or card it tells the gal that he gets it, that he understands that pursuing the relationship romantically he provides a sense of security building up her confidence and trust in him.
5. Kissing and other physical contact: The Internet is full of articles proclaiming the physiological mechanisms of kissing. Kissing produces more of the bio-chemical processes that are the precursor to romantic love and sexual activity. But even more than that are the stimulus regions of the ear, neck and shoulder. Little nibbles in these areas takes it over the top to outright arousal and preparation for sex. Take the time to learn and do.
Yep I learned all of this as a seething bundle of adolescent hormones by observation and being a sort of apprentice of my dad. My dad wasnt wining my stepmother to gain her as a mate; he was re-winning her to continually establish his kingdom with her as his mate right before my very eyes. (No I did not see them have sex, YUK!)
So guys these are the Keys to the Kingdom, that is, if that is what you really want; the
establishment of your own kingdom in a continually renewing and healthy relationship.
Disclaimer: Some people do have allergies. A guy who finds creative ways to find a substitute for flower and chocolate allergies will have won more than he can imagine.
Yes, I did leave out the romantic date that was on purpose as it is another topic in itself.
No, this is not a complete or exhaustive list, but it is a darn good start. Keep it simple, and then perfect that simplicity.
http://uk.reuters.com/article/UKNews1/idUKTRE51D1MS20090214