Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

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Feeling a little down. Venting.

SleepyWalrus
SleepyWalrus
Lately I've been feeling a little down regarding my relationship status.

I know I'm not ready for a new romantic relationship, but I feel lonely (in the sense that I don't have a significant other that I can connect with). Here I am at about 30 and still living at home since I don't earn enough to get a place of my own. Plus most (if not all) of my friends from back in high school have already gotten married and had kids or at least are in relationships of their own now

I just feel like at this point in my life I should have already gotten a place of my own and have a job that I could support myself and a significant other off of. It also feels awkward and a bit embarassing to be this old and not be able to be in a steady relationship. On top of that I've never been able to get more intimate in a relationship than just making out (even this was overwhelming for me).
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Big hug for you SW... You have been through some real difficulties that have effected intimate relationships... Please don't beat yourself up... I think not being in a relationship is far better then being in a bad one!!... I don't think you've been into therapy yet have you?.. I think this can make a big and positive difference for you when you're able to manage it... Another hug and a blessing...xo
SleepyWalrus
SleepyWalrus
Therapy is still something I'm saving up for. I'm on Medicaid and most doctors in my state refuse to accept it since it takes years for claims to be paid by Meficaid here. Plus the services of doctors and hospitals in my state cost twice as much as in any other state (because they're allowed to do that here). So therapy is still a long way off for me.
Aronia
Aronia
Hug, SW... I am so sorry you are going through a hard time and feeling alone.
Here is something to consider- I don't know your whole story, but from some things you wrote about, it sounds like you have been through some really rough times with abuse and other struggles.
Things like that put people at a disadvantage in a way that besides dealing with the obvious struggles of life, you had to deal with that too and this is not an easy load to carry.
However, you did accomplish something that many people struggle too hard to achieve or never achieve - you are a kind, sensitive, genuine person who was able to gain insight into all that happened and pull through instead of further destructing yourself.
This is a huge accomplishment.
I wish for you to meet someone soon who can truly appreciate you for who you are.
Keep up the good work.
ShastaSue
ShastaSue
Don't judge yourself by what others are doing!

You are just fine!

When romance is meant to happen for you, it WILL happen.
You are a kind and wonderful person. Live in the moment, relax and enjoy yourself.
foundlove
foundlove
I would say that society in general place too much Importance that people should get married and have kids. I was in the whole I need to have a baby right away mind frame.... But thankfully God and others made me realize that I am not a stable person as of yet and if I'm not meant to have kid then that's fine. I would much rather be single then Have rough marriage or bring life into this world to be brought up in unstable environment. Your young... 30 is young for guy... You could still wait couple years and be free and young and careless... Hope your feeling better
foundlove
foundlove
Also you should reflect deeply And come to conclusion of your own if marriage and kids is really what you truly want and not some fantasy your following that it will bring you happiness like society would like for you to believe... Because marriage and kids come with more stress and responsibility and problems... And takes lots and lots of work to maintain everything and stay happy in those situations....
SleepyWalrus
SleepyWalrus
Kids are not something I want. I have enough fears/hang-ups about sex as it is due to fears of false accusations and fears of the consequences of being raped. In the US if a man is raped and his rapist keeps the child the man who was raped can be forced to pay child support for the next 18 years (sometimes with interest) or face jail time. I've even seriously considered getting a vasectomy for my own protection. (The state I live in has the highest rates of rape and domestic violence in the US.)
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