I agree..: I don't think he will ever stop. He needs to choose.
At this point, I think he ruined your marriage. How can you be turned on by him knowing that he is think about other people and forcing you to do things you don't want to do? Doesn't he get this?? I am so sorry that this happened.
It sickens me when people would destroy families for a piece of ass.
My husband did and we got divorced.
I am now with a man who shares my views on sexual fidelity.
Bedroom is for us only.

I don't know if this can be saved. Maybe try going to a sex therapist with him but whatever happens, don't let him talk you into group sex again unless this is something YOU truly want and enjoy.
To have group sex, you have to have a rock solid relationship and it sounds like it is not that. He is being selfish and not putting your relarionship first.

I don't think he will ever stop either. Talking about desires and fantasies is different from guilting or coercing someone into do something. I say stand your ground on this. If he can't see the damage that has been done, with him threatening to leave you over something that didn't go quite his way, even though this was his bright idea, then this is not about you and him trying to spice up the relationship. It's about his deep well of need and control. He has tainted the intimacy you share by so harshly judging it as boring and not being enough.

There is a lot more to the story and I have most definitely created a lot of heartache as well, which is probably why I struggle with whether I am making this out to be something bigger than it really is. I tried leaving a couple times in 2015 and ended up being manipulated into staying(he threatened to kill himself, threatened to take our kids and leave, promised multiple times that he would help more and be better in our relationship etc). In the end I had an affair, he found out and then we went to counselling. After he found out about the affair he told me he was leaving me, called me every name under the sun(rightfully so), and threatened to destroy my career since the affair had happened with a co-worker. So I begged him to stay because I truly believed he would destroy my life otherwise......and then I regretted it within a day or two. Then I did get up the courage to leave but that only lasted a couple months before he convinced me things would be different. I reluctantly allowed him to move back in under the belief that we were starting "fresh". Fresh has meant slowly going back to a lot of his old habits. I won't get into the things that created our unhappy marriage in detail but will say that sex has always been one of the biggest issues, along with verbal and emotional abuse on his part and then the lack of helping with absolutely anything to do with the house or the kids up until recently when he has been forced to step up because I am at work. He has always needed to have complete control but he did it for so long in just the right way that I just got used to it and felt like that was normal. He wants something and it doesn't matter what it is I have always given in. I did not want to get back together but again he just knows exactly what to say to make me second guess myself. For the record, the kiss with the guy friend that was supposed to turn into group sex was long before I ever had an affair and the affair was not something I was looking for at all. I should have left, and did try to before the affair started, but truly felt stuck.
I honestly feel like with everything that has happened that my marriage is beyond repair and has been for a long time but my husband is set that we can make it work and he has even said that he feels we are better now then we ever have been even and he says he is happier then ever....but his actions definitely don't show it. I am unhappy and have said this to him multiple times and yet every time we talk or fight he makes me second guess our relationship while he is around me, When I am not around him I feel like I know exactly what I need and want and I feel like I think clearly again.
So sorry for the rambling....

My advice is : just divorce him. I can't imagine what kind of problems the kids are going to have because if this, if they already aren't.
This is very, very bad for the children.
Divorce and focus on parenting. If you want to have sex with each other still, do it so the kids don't know....
They need a safe place without arguments and they need stable, content parents

Agree. This comes down to you making choices: choosing to stay, choosing to let him manipulate you, choosing to keep living in an effed up situation. Choose something else. Find a lawyer, file for divorce and get your kids in a better environment. Help yourself.

He sounds very manipulative and he plays a lot of games..... Why would he want to take your children?? and for them to not have their mother.... That's just wrong and would be legally wrong.... This is really nasty

If you want to try and stay together I would definitely get into some therapy.... I would not want to stay in this marriage unless some big changes were made

He sounds controlling. Sex should be fun and for family making. It should be with the one you love. I never understood how sex can be "boring". I suffer from bipolar and one of the issues is your very sexually driven. As a guy I can say it was never boring. Never had any complaints either

I can relate to your comment of when you are not around him you feel like you can start thinking clearly again and know what you want.

My relationship has been wishy washy the past year.

I offered having a 3some/4some in hopes he would want another woman and let me free.

Life is messy. I'm learning how to take control of me and my decisions and making him respect them or leave. Its bumpy, and I'm still not sure, but with a help of a good marriage therapist there has been a little improvement. I'm still not convinced to stay, but feel i can't leave.

And my husband did the same threats! Saying he would ruin me, my life, etc and then opposite, he was going to wrap his car around a tree... ugh control

Thanks everyone for your responses. I am trying to get everything in order to make my final move as I truly feel like this cycle will just continue. Right now things are "good". In other words he is satisfied and I am existing and just focusing on work and my kids. Damagednight, I am not sure how it can be boring either but apparently when its the same old same old that equates to boring for him. I too suffer from bipolar, as well as extreme anxiety and OCD, but unfortunately for me I am not sexually driven anymore. I used to be though. MiselfinMI, I could only wish that he would find someone else and set me free. But, he's "happy"......except for when it comes to sex, or the fact I have too high of standards for how clean I expect things or the lack of us having date nights or time alone, or the fact he thinks I turn to anger immediately when we talk or that I am emotionless toward him because I am doing my own thing through the day(normally cleaning). I'm sure you get the point lol. That to me does not spell happy. I understand for sure about feeling like you cant leave, what are your reasons if you don't mind my asking? Glad therapy is working for you, our therapist seemed to be split personality....And yes it is complete control with the threats. Thankfully I haven't had them in a while but I am sure when I get to the point I feel I can leave that they'll start again....