Read to her, share memories with her. Feel free to message me about anything.
Hugs.

Interact more in the morning. Good for you to want to connect!

I think you have to simply accept that she is never going to be the same person again. It's possible to have a relationship with her, but it's not going to be a normal relationship as if she was healthy. The dementia is only going to take more and more from her.

It's heartbreaking and I'm sorry you have to go through this.

You have to accept that she forgets. It won't be fair to either of you if you get frustrated at her for forgetting.

Doing things like reading to her, enjoying music with her, singing with her, looking at pictures with her will be helpful. You will even see glimpses of her memory come back in those moments.

I love that you want to try to connect with her!

My mom was in her late 60s when she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. We were fortunate that my mom didn’t lash out, but it’s not uncommon for people with dementia to get aggregated. Anyway when my mom started forgetting names and seemed unsure I started announcing myself when I would spend time with her, something like, “Hi Mom, it’s (name),” like it was no big deal. Sometimes she would have moments of clarity and would say, I know who you are. Sometimes she would just smile. But I approached it that way to try to lessen her struggle with figuring out who I was.

I also avoided correcting her when she would say things that were untrue or forget names, things that happened etc. If she thought she had gone out to lunch with an old friend, when it was clearly untrue, I just asked her if she had a nice time.

Accepting your grandma as she is right now is key. Meet her where she is, if that makes sense. If she liked music, listen to music with her. See if she likes looking at photos with you. Sometimes just sharing with her what you are up to even if she doesn’t understand is a way to connect.

My mom suffered greatly with her disease physically and obviously mentally/cognitively. It is the greatest sadness of my life, because she had so much left she wanted to do. But in some ways, being around her in her most vulnerable state helped me connect with her on a higher level. Bearing witness is sometimes the most righteous gift you can give to someone and to yourself.

Welcome to DS and thank you so much for loving your grandmother with early onset dementia. First of all, dementia takes special care with talking to her. Please look on the Alzheimers Association website for tips. Mostly, do not expect her to be rational or reasonable. Her lashing out is typical for dementia, some people become angry with this brain disease. I am a retired social worker who worked with older adults and some with early onset dementia which seemed especially cruel.

The other issue could be that when you guys talk to her, it becomes difficult for her and she is lashing out because she simply can't anymore. What I mean is you all may expect her to converse but she can't. You can't make her conversations more meaningful for her but you can make them more meaningful to yourself by being more understanding and loving. Get educated on dementia, especially her type. Learn to talk to her on a lower level. Don't ask her what she had for dinner for example or how she liked the movie. She may not remember and may get angry because she knows she doesn't remember and feels awful inside that she can't any longer. Or the lashing out may be the signs of her dementia. Whatever you guys are doing that makes her lash out is to be stopped. It could be that nothing will help the lashing out, some types of dementia include anger or irrational bouts of total upset.

Now that I wrote some don'ts, here are some do's:
Consider telling her "hello, grandmother, this is your grandchild Kevin (your name), I am Judy's child". Name the adult child of hers that is your parent. Name yourself and your role in her life. Don't say DO YOU REMEMBER? Banish that phrase as it makes people angry, no they don't remember and please stop reminding them. It is kind of cruel. You might talk about yourself, briefly, school or work was good, you saw a movie about X or Y, something that happened. Keep it short, call often, once or twice a week. Don't ask her about herself beyond something very simple.

She may speak about things that happened in the past. She may think you are her brother or sister. She may be at work that day in her mind and talking about work stuff. JUST GO WITH IT. Role play with her and be that person she thinks she is talking to. Don't say don't you remember I am X. Just role play and allow her to talk nonsense.

My MIL talked about her job like it was today instead of years ago and I just pretended to have a meeting with her (where she was in her mind that day). My BIL got angry and tried to reason with her and say she was not 25 years old and working but it made her hostile and angry. I sat down and chatted work like, pretended. I asked her work like questions as if I was a coworker, until she started talking about her dad and then I asked her gentle questions about her dad or just said, sounds difficult or sounds like fun type of statement. She calmed down and eventually napped and woke up not at work.

My FIL also did the day where he was at work in his dementia. I was not there but I remember the other family members having a fit and getting hostile with my FIL. Poor man, he was not in his former brain space. And his adult children except me and my husband did not understand. They felt shame at this "out of mind" stuff and so reacted harshly.

You may learn about her childhood, for example, if you just go along with her. It is cruel to try to make a person with dementia be rational and have a normal conversation. Consider how you are calling once or twice a week to just check on her not to bond in a meaningful way as in her listening to you. Someone needs to make sure she is okay. If she is living alone in her home, this might be the time she needs either 24/7 care in the home or in a good facility. Someone who doesn't remember may leave the stove on and cause a fire, for example.

Lastly, I am not sure this is early stage dementia if she is already forgetting who you guys are. Early onset dementia can progress fairly rapidly as opposed to older age onset dementia. I don't know the situation but hopefully a family member is watching out for her and being her caregiver or guardian.

Please let us know how things go. Nothing is going to make her converse in a normal way or not get angry. But you can avoid provoking her perhaps. Some types of dementia include a lot of irrational anger and the person simply isn't capable of changing. It just happens in the brain.

Lastly, dementia can be ambiguous loss. The person's mind is gone but their body is still going strong. So we typically start to mourn now before their body gives out. It is very stressful. We may feel guilty for mourning their old self, personality, etc. But this is what ambiguous loss is. Nancy Reagan wrote a book called "The Long Goodbye" about President Reagan's Alzheimers and slow death. It is a long goodbye, some days they are with us and some days they are somewhere else in their mind. Hang in there with her. Do your best. Make sure a family member is taking good care of her however that means, home or a facility.

I made a mistake. I see your grandmother is 83 years old. This would not be true early onset dementia, that happens many years before this age (ages 40-60s typically). I think you mean early stage dementia. I just got confused in my previous answer. I think if she is forgetting who you and your parents are, this could be a different stage. I wish you the best and hope you can understand what I wrote above and how I misunderstood you. My mistake and I apologize.

Good for you to want to help and stay connected during a challenging time in your Grandmother's life...yes it is challenging and can be very frustrating.

As others have mentioned above, reading, perhaps going to utube for music of her generation, and looking at pictures...asking to share memories of your grandfather and her life.

I have a friend who's partner is almost 85 and he has dementia. It takes a strong person so do what you can to help your parents is Grandmother is living with them, it takes a lot of physical and emotional energy.

Hugs to you <3

Big hug Josh.... I know that this is really painful and hard to bear... My mom had Alzheimer's as well

She became combative and I had her doc put her on an antipsychotic that can help with this and it worked right away

It was a huge help for both me and her as she was calmer and not upset

You could talk with her doc about this if you wanted to

Atypical antipsychotics for treating dementia include:

Aripiprazole (Abilify): Some evidence suggests it can help reduce auditory hallucinations without increasing cardiac irregularity.
Risperidone (Risperdal): This has approval for short-term use in the United Kingdom to treat aggression in people with Alzheimer’s disease, but it does not have approval in the United States.
Antipsychotics for elderly people with dementia: Which are best?
www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/best-antipsychotics-for-elderly-dementia
www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/best-antipsychotics-for-elderly-dementia

The med that my mom was put on is Haldol.... She slept more but not all of the time and when she could rest she wasn't upset or in distress

Sending another hug of peace and support... xo